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Discussion in 'Legal and financial issues' started by Saskia123, Apr 27, 2017.
Well done. Your Mum would be proud of you.
A Further Update!
To recap my stepfather made an appointment to go to my mum's solicitors to get power of attorney drawn up with me and him sharing power of attorney over her healthcare decisions, and he wanted sole POA over her finance. I went in first with just my mum and produced documentation in her handwriting stating he should not have sole control of her finances as untrustworthy. My mum agreed we should share all POA and then I left.
Well I've never received any paperwork or POA certificate so I phoned the solicitor yesterday and they were going to call me back. They didn't. I've just called and this is what they said.
'Strictly speaking we are not supposed to talk to you as Gill is our client, but we have not had any instruction to continue.' So basically, he's gone in there and despite inviting me down to become power of attorney, has turned it all round so that I don't have any power of attorney, even over her health and welfare. Can you believe it?!!!
I am shaking with rage.
am I understanding correctly - the solicitor said that they "had not had any instruction to continue" which means that your mum has not continued with setting up the POAs, which means that no POAs are in existence
if so, then no-one but your mum can deal with/manage her affairs
so if/when she is deemed to no longer have the capacity to manage her financial affairs, someone will have to apply for Deputyship - and I personally can't see her husband doing that - so will you? (I can't see that he will have grounds to object, and his financial history means you could object to an application he makes)
can you speak to your mum? would she go with you to set up the health & welfare POA?
I appreciate that you are angry that all your efforts at compromise and keeping your mum safe have been scuppered - though he has no POA either (but I suppose for h&w he is, as spouse, her next of kin) -galling!
at least he knows you are looking out for your mum and always will
Thanks for your reply. All I know is that there has been no 'instruction' to set up LPA for me, this doesn't mean it's not been set up for him. As the secretary wasn't prepared to say anymore it's left me in limbo.
During the meeting with the solicitor I did make it clear that I did not think my mum had the mental capacity to make this decision, but she contradicted me and said she felt that at that moment my mum did understand.
My mum said she was happy for us to share all LPA but added 'I just don't want to hurt my husband's feelings', and 'I wouldn't want to be there for that conversation!' By that I read that she knew he would not be pleased to have to share all LPA with me. So, there is the possibility that after that the solicitor was not happy to proceed, especially if he then went in after me (when I had left), and tried to put his foot down.
I suppose I should text him and ask an open question such as 'What's happening with the LPA?'. See what he says.
"... this doesn't mean it's not been set up for him."
You can do a free check to see if it has been registered with the OPG
OK thank you. I have emailed the completed application form through.
I would certainly ask him what's happening, not in an accusing way, but just an innocent open question saying you would have expected to hear from the solicitor by now and wonder what the delay might be.
The response you get (or maybe don't get) will tell you a lot!
Yes I have considered doing exactly that, an open question. I'm torn between asking and waiting until I've been able to search the register.
There is also a strong possibility that he's walked away from the whole process because he is not prepared to share all LPA with me and thus have me know their financial business. The very least of this is because he has used her bank cards for years and everything is in her name. Obviously using someone else's bank cards would very much frowned upon in terms of the law. Given his financial background (which has included stealing thousands from my mum for dodgy/failed business ventures), there is the chance far more than I know about has taken place.
Regardless of any LPA being set up or not, the fact is the guy's been to my house without my mum to talk about setting it up and invited me to attend the meeting. I have left that solicitors office having agreed with the solicitor about sharing LPA with my stepfather but I do not have any LPA.
Can you simply bypass him? Is there any possibility of you (with or without a solicitor acting for you) drawing up a power of attorney yourself, getting your mother to sign it, and registering yourself as sole attorney?
Your stepfather can try objecting to you as an attorney, but that's difficult to do at the best of times, let alone with his record and what your mother wrote previously.
Act quickly while your mother still has capacity.
I heard back from the OPG that no LPA has been registered, I believe my mother now lacks capacity, and I have been effectively locked out of this situation. Her solicitor was not prepared to discuss the matter with me (not being her client). My step father texted to give feedback on a recent medical appointment which was the right time for me to ask what was happening with the LPA as I'd not heard anything, and he did not reply or has spoken to me since. My point is, he is updating me on medical issues (as if I should be involved), and yet has failed to register the LPA either joint or severally. I am locked out of the situation, and as she deteriorates he has become her everything and I can no longer discuss these issues with her. The last time I saw her I took her to lunch with my kids. She spent the time fretting about what he might have for lunch and saying she felt sorry for him. We were out 90 minutes before I took her home. If I go to the house he is there with us all the time, dominating the situation, and the relationship I had with my mum has now basically gone. I understand this is a terrible situation for him, but he is his own worst enemy, and his secrecy and failure to follow through the registering of the LPA is another example of his dishonesty.
It's a very sad state of affairs when legally a step parent is next of kin and can control everything, and a persons daughter has no rights. I must confess I have somewhat withdrawn myself from the situation as I find him intolerable (against a backdrop of a busy family and work life myself). I don't feel I have any fight in me and just want this to be over.