Compassionate Communication...

[xanadu777]

I recently downloaded Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired by Liz Ayres and spent some time reading and digesting its contents. I thought I already knew all about compassionate communication but after reading and re-reading the advice I now find that I didn't really understand and I now have a far more relaxed and rewarding and approach towards my wife who is approaching the severe stage. I have tried reasoning, reminding, questioning and even arguing and confronting, all in attempt to make my wife understand.. to come back to me.. to be as she was before the illness developed. I have tried to control her memory loss and naturally I've failed. The words that really sank home and brought a realisation of the truth to me are those that informed me of the fact that my wife's disability is memory loss and that to ask her to remember is like asking a blind person to read. Now I sit and hold hands, smile, tell her I love her, agree with her whatever strange mix of words she expresses and realise she is frightened and needs comfort as opposed to confrontation of any kind. Already things have improved remarkably and her agitation has decreased and now when I leave the room to wash up, prepare a meal or go to the loo she doesn't seem to mind half as much. The current situation is not the end of the journey, rather it is an oasis on the way but while it lasts it is very refreshing.

 

[Grannie G]

This is so good to read . Long may your new found means of communication be effective. You are both benefitting.

 

[Christin]

Hello Xanadu, I am so pleased to read that you found the info helpful.

Like you, we didn't really understand either, and tried to reason, argue, convince, etc, and failed. Compassionate communication helped us so much too.

It is good to have some positive feedback. Thank you

Best wishes to you and your wife. x

 

[Nan2seven]

Dear Xanadu - reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I printed off a copy of "Compassionate Communication ..." and last week gave copies of it to the Care Home my husband has just been moved into. The more people that read it the better, I thought, and I hope it is being circulated within the CH. May you linger for some time at your "oasis along the way".

Love, Nan XXX

 

[jimbo 111]

I recently downloaded Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired by Liz Ayres and spent some time reading and digesting its contents. I have tried reasoning, reminding, questioning and even arguing and confronting, all in attempt to make my wife understand.. to come back to me.. to be as she was before the illness developed. I have tried to control her memory loss and naturally I've failed. *** The words that really sank home and brought a realisation of the truth to me are those that informed me of the fact that my wife's disability is memory loss and that to ask her to remember is like asking a blind person to read. Now I sit and hold hands, smile, tell her I love her, agree with her whatever strange mix of words she expresses and realise she is frightened and needs comfort as opposed to confrontation of any kind. Already things have improved remarkably and her agitation has decreased and now when I leave the room to wash up, prepare a meal or go to the loo she doesn't seem to mind half as much

***** ( My underlining)
I only wish I had read these words before my wife died ,
they are so very meaningful and full of the truth
I feel sure that all our members , who are going through this traumatic experience would benefit, not only from Liz Ayres article, but also from your own interpretation of what those word have meant to you
THank you
jimbo 111

 

[lin1]

I am so glad this has helped you.

 

[Redwitch]

Thank you, this is just the kind of info I need, I am a new carer for my Mum and I am finding the transition really difficult.