Recommended thread Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

Lisa74

Registered User
May 27, 2011
276
A lot of this I think my family does naturally, I think I wouldn't want to pretend that a family member wasn't who they were though but I guess we'll see when it comes to it xx
 

rjm

Registered User
Jun 19, 2012
744
Ontario, Canada
I have just come across this, it is wonderful! It covers so much of what I have learned through trial and error but I have never seen it written so clearly before. Wouldn't it be great if doctors could pass this on when they first give a diagnosis.
 

lin1

Registered User
Jan 14, 2010
9,320
East Kent
Hi
I tend to give a link to this thread to those that I think it might be helped by it
Ive added tag clouds too, trouble is new people would'nt know about them
 

Girl Afraid

Registered User
Aug 16, 2012
20
Staffordshire
Hi Lin and thank you for the link to this, really helpful. Im replying so its bumps back up in the post thing if that helps,just read your last few replys as to this thread been stickied so thought a bump would help any other newbies like me. Thanks again.
xxx
 

NanLorac

Registered User
May 14, 2012
686
Scotland
Found this by chance I am going to print it off and keep it.
I made the mistake of saying after dinner do you remember something that had happened a few months ago and I was laughing and he just looked at me with a blank expression and said no.
I am new to this and I gave him a big hug and said I need to stop saying that to you I'm sorry. I have a lot to learn and this forum is helping me get there.
 

SisterAct

Registered User
Jul 5, 2011
2,255
67
Liverpool, Merseyside
A lot of this I think my family does naturally, I think I wouldn't want to pretend that a family member wasn't who they were though but I guess we'll see when it comes to it xx
Know how you feel Lisa. It was hard at first as it is out of your comfort zone especially when some of the people are dead :eek: but it does make life easier even though you feel a bit silly at times.
My sister and I are so many people now to Dad that I think we should be nominated for an Oscar.:D
Polly x
 

small

Registered User
Jul 6, 2010
110
harrow
compassionate communications

Hi all, haven't been on here for ages (the usual reasons,health, time, inability to get personal time etc) but I'm glad I refound this link again. Its such a help at times like this.

Its funny we do need reminding of this - or I do, especially now. I'm back in bed recuperating from my third attempt at a prolapse repair, and yet again John is uppermost on my time, energy, priorities etc etc etc.
He is so self absorbed and unashamedly demanding and self centred that it's driving my daughter nuts. She has flown over from America and left her small son at home to look after us, but I'm having to get between them all the time to keep the peace. I have explained and had forewarned her about her dad, but his difficult behaviour is fairly constant as he tries to ensure he is at the top of the pecking order. When peace breaks out I slip up to bed to try & rest. But he just tries his darnedest to try and join me to start all over again.

I realised, re reading this link, that he's extra afraid because i'm unwell and unable to keep to his routine of being the total centre of my universe and care. And he's desperate for me all the time. I shall try showing this link to my daughter but I dont think she feels very receptive just now!!!!

Love to all and bless this site and all its members


Jackie
 

Tolkny

Registered User
Feb 16, 2009
141
East of England
Commiserations and blessings I hope Jackie finds a way of sharing her feelings with her daughter - poor communication with my children is one of my great failings.
 

Mollycolly

Registered User
Dec 20, 2012
9
Lancashire
Bumping this so that new members get a chance to read this most important post.

I started to put Compassionate Communication into practice the day after I had read it - as did my brother and daughter - and we were amazed at the IMMEDIATE difference it made to our relationship with Mum.

Yes, it is hard to remember to do it all the time and yes, we get frustrated and grumpy and fed up so we read it again, and again, and again and just keep on trying. It's all we can do, after all, is try.

I can also recommend 'Contented Dementia' which gives such an insight into what is going on in the mind of the person with dementia.

Molly
 

end of my rope

Registered User
Feb 22, 2013
146
Specal

i did read the book on SPECAL - contented dementia I think it was called?
It didn't work for mum and me - I couldn't find a hobby interest or indeed anything that she would connect with without anger and aggression.
This evening I am reeling from the horror of my mother's degeneration. She is now in a state of mind where she hates me, has expressed her disgust in me and said that she never wants to see me again.
I can continue supporting her from the sidelines, doing as much as I can for her, acting as her medical advocate and ensuring she has money and clean clothing etc. What I am really struggling to cope with is that she will probably die believing her delusion that I didn't love her and refused to speak to her when she was in hospital.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,333
Kent
This evening I am reeling from the horror of my mother's degeneration. She is now in a state of mind where she hates me, has expressed her disgust in me and said that she never wants to see me again.
………………….. What I am really struggling to cope with is that she will probably die believing her delusion that I didn't love her and refused to speak to her when she was in hospital.
Hold tight . It will pass.
 

rjm

Registered User
Jun 19, 2012
744
Ontario, Canada
What I am really struggling to cope with is that she will probably die believing her delusion that I didn't love her and refused to speak to her when she was in hospital.
You have probably heard this before, but it's not her, it's the disease - The knowledge of your lifelong love is still in there and will be with her always.