communicating with the home and Mom

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by sooty, Nov 26, 2007.

  1. sooty

    sooty Registered User

    Feb 17, 2007
    50
    Nova Scotia Canada
    Mom has now gone full time into a home which I arranged when I was back in the UK. Now I am back in Canada. Mom did not want a phone as she cannot use it due to not being able to do the numbers and the home although will allow phones in rooms said it was not the best idea either,as they ring out when rooms areempty and worry others. My problem is I used to call Mom every day in her own house now I feel I can only call once a week as this is what happens. I call the nursing station about 3pm my time(7 theres and not too busy),they get the trolley phone and wheel that to Moms room and then they wheel mom in the room and then I call the trolley phone number 10 minutes later. I feel this is a lot to ask of them with the other patients. I do call the nurse another day but thats not talking to Mom. I guess I really miss her now I am back and the daily calls before were so good for us both even though she had dementia and they were pretty one sided, but I could keep track of her and she could say things to me. Do you think I could phone more? How do other do it far away? I could write to her but although she can read a little she cannot process the written word as her stroke and dementia is in this area too. I read to her when I was over but its not the same as hearing her voice. Sooty
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,594
    Kent
    I wish I could help Sooty. I imagine you feel you`ve lost direct contact.

    The only consolation, is if something was wrong when you were able to phone, you were too far away to help. Now you`re unable to speak as often, but at least you know your mother is safe.

    Have you discussed it with the home? You are probably the only relative who can`t visit, so perhaps they would be happy to accept more frequent phone calls.

    You will never know unless you ask. :)
     
  3. okmurrays

    okmurrays Registered User

    Oct 17, 2007
    118
    kelowna, bc, canada
    Hi
    Someone else from across the water! Hello, we're in Canada too.
    Fortunately, my dad's still at home, so I call and speak to him via my mum, and I email my mum, and we've even had a webcam chat. I realise I'm lucky for the time being.

    If it was me I'd try and keep the daily contact - if only for my own peace of mind. Good luck.
     
  4. peppa

    peppa Registered User

    Jun 5, 2007
    26
    london
    Hi Sooty,

    It must be awful being so far away, and to feel you are putting people out with the phone calls.

    My mum's been in her care home for just a couple of weeks, but was already in complete panic after two days without a phone, which I think she felt was a conspiracy. Although she is really hopeless with technology and has broken countless normal phones, we decided to get her a mobile phone. We asked the staff if they could help by plugging it in to charge it up, and checking that it was on. I think it's made a big difference to her not feeling so cut off, and we don't feel we have to ask staff to go out of their way to help (before it was a case of transporting her to the payphone, and she hated that as she could be overheard).

    Having said all of that, I am trying to cut back on the phone calls. At times I ring and end up with my mum saying 'I wish you hadn't called'! Probably the time of day, but also it reminds her of the dozens of complaints she has and this then distresses her.

    I would ask the staff what they think as I'm sure they must have plenty of experience. If it seems like a good idea and the staff are supportive, get a mobile phone just for her to receive calls, find out when a good time to ring is and tell staff at what time and how often you plan to ring.

    Good luck, peppa x
     
  5. lizzie2596

    lizzie2596 Registered User

    Jul 3, 2007
    91
    Hi Sooty

    I can fully understand you wanting to maintain as much contact with your mum as possible - it must be so hard being far away. One idea I had was for you to provide the home with a mobile phone, arrange a time when you will call it and it can be taken straight to your Mum. It would be easier for the staff to manage, although they would need to keep it charged. Just a thought.

    Good luck with coming up with a solution but don't feel that you have to sacrifice contact.

    Liz x
     
  6. elaineo2

    elaineo2 Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    945
    leigh lancashire
    Dear Sooty,believe me that you can call your mum whenever you like.i know you have to phone the home to get the payphone to mum,but its no trouble at all in my home and i hope in no other home.Families who live abroad, few hundred miles away or even up the road are entitled this contact.it brings a smile to my face when a residents family ring the home to speak to their family member and not just ask how they are.You know the time difference and am sure you will ring at times you are sure mum will be able to take the call.

    love elainex
     
  7. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    Just a note about mobile phones - some homes will not allow these (my mother's was a case in point). I don't reallly have any words of wisdom for you, except to try to put out of your mind that you're putting people out by calling. I didn't talk to my mother as much as I would have liked for (in part) that reason, and now I can't talk to her at all.
     
  8. sooty

    sooty Registered User

    Feb 17, 2007
    50
    Nova Scotia Canada
    Communicating with Mom

    Thank you all for your ideas. Regarding the mobile phone . Mom would not know how to use it or what it was I'm afraid. I bought her one a year ago when she was still driving and she never used it, and just put it in a drawer. Even the changer for the telly I had put in her room she just can't remember what to press as its a different changer. A nurse puts it on for her. Anything new is not learned or recalled. There are no mobiles in the home either. I will increase the calls gradually as people have suggested. She is in an expensive private nursing home with a lot of individual care and they are aware I am the only relative and so far away.
     

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