Coming to terms with the loss of my Mum (97).

Kikki21

Registered User
Feb 27, 2016
2,248
East Midlands
Thank you very much, @Kikki21.

I hope you have a lovely 2020 in your new home.

We'll be moving 2 weeks today and have loads to do, so I'll be going offline soon - probably tomorrow - and wish everyone on this wonderful forum a very happy & healthy New Year, and that if anyone is having a particularly stressful time, that they'll get through it and things will improve. xx

Thank you so much as well @Marcelle123 & I wish you & your husband a very happy new start to 2020 in your new home as well!
I hope you will have a happy & joyous New Year! Xx
 

Marcelle123

Registered User
Nov 9, 2015
4,544
Yorkshire
We've been in our house for eight days now, and today handed back the keys of our rental in York. We were happy there, and it was quiet and very central, so I had a lump in my throat, but we are both so pleased to be shot of the burden of being in someone else's house and worried if you spill something or grate your chair on the wooden floor.

We should get most of our deposit back, though it will take two or three weeks, so that's good too.

The relentless process of getting men round and unpacking and finding places to put things continues. Tomorrow, I dread a visit to the dentist to have a fractured wisdom tooth extracted. It's all a case of early to bed and getting up early - there'll be a nine o'clock visit tomorrow (also) to get our washing machine plumbed in.

But we are glad to be in. I love life in this North Yorkshire gem. And though I never visited Easingwold with my mother, I find the process continuing, ever since we moved back to Yorkshire, of having all sorts of childhood memories resurfacing again, and pangs of sadness assail me as I remember that I can't enjoy chatting to Mum about them any more.

I have five brothers and sisters, but two of them are virtually estranged, and another two 'polite but distant', so it's only my eldest sister that I can talk to now about these memories, and because she's eight years older than me, we don't always have the same ones.

I regret so much that my younger sister 'turned on me' when I was organising Mum's care. I have kept it polite with her, refused to give her the breach that she wanted at the time, and I'm glad of that. But now that I know how she feels about me, and how she has persistently misconstrued my motives & personality, things can never really be the same. We write to each other but it's very formal, so I count her as 'estranged' emotionally. The other one that I am rarely in contact with is my younger brother. His wife forced him to choose between his mother and family and her, so we only ever get 'business'-type emails from him.

So the past is lost to me, except for these fugitive memories, which I can, however, share with my husband - we have a very intense relationship.

It has taken us two years, since Mum's death, to relocate back up North. What a struggle! But it has definitely been worth it.
 
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Kikki21

Registered User
Feb 27, 2016
2,248
East Midlands
We've been in our house for eight days now, and today handed back the keys of our rental in York. We were happy there, and it was quiet and very central, so I had a lump in my throat, but we are both so pleased to be shot of the burden of being in someone else's house and worried if you spill something or grate your chair on the wooden floor.

We should get most of our deposit back, though it will take two or three weeks, so that's good too.

The relentless process of getting men round and unpacking and finding places to put things continues. Tomorrow, I dread a visit to the dentist to have a fractured wisdom tooth extracted. It's all a case of early to bed and getting up early - there'll be a nine o'clock visit tomorrow (also) to get our washing machine plumbed in.

But we are glad to be in. I love life in this North Yorkshire gem. And though I never visited Easingwold with my mother, I find the process continuing, ever since we moved back to Yorkshire, of having all sorts of childhood memories resurfacing again, and pangs of sadness assail me as I remember that I can't enjoy chatting to Mum about them any more.

I have five brothers and sisters, but two of them are virtually estranged, and another two 'polite but distant', so it's only my eldest sister that I can talk to now about these memories, and because she's eight years older than me, we don't always have the same ones.

I regret so much that my younger sister 'turned on me' when I was organising Mum's care. I have kept it polite with her, refused to give her the breach that she wanted at the time, and I'm glad of that. But now that I know how she feels about me, and how she has persistently misconstrued my motives & personality, things can never really be the same. We write to each other but it's very formal, so I count her as 'estranged' emotionally. The other one that I am rarely in contact with is my younger brother. His wife forced him to choose between his mother and family and her, so we only ever get 'business'-type emails from him.

So the past is lost to me, except for these fugitive memories, which I can, however, share with my husband - we have a very intense relationship.

It has taken us two years, since Mum's death, to relocate back up North. What a struggle! But it has definitely been worth it.
I hope everything goes well with the tooth! I absolutely hate the dentist. I have found a good one but I can’t afford to go & see her due to this stupid situation. I’m so glad that despite the upheaval in moving back up North that both of you feel that it is worth it.

I don’t know if you can recall but I do have 3 half sisters, they are all 20 years older than me & all live in Australia. The oldest one has nothing to do with me at all. Never shown any interest in me. The middle & youngest sister have from time to time messaged me but it seems very difficult to establish communication with them. They are my closest family on my dad’s side. I was a bit shocked by my middle sister telling me that they didn’t know that my dad was so ill - so it seems that my mum either didn’t know or didn’t tell anyone, even me when he went into hospital. I did explain that had I known then of course I would have told them. I never expected my middle sister to help me out financially but seeing as she is very wealthy, I did think nothing ventured, nothing gained & I haven’t had to ask her for anything for 50 years! Family situations are never easy. I don’t have much family on my mum’s side but my mum’s passing has brought us closer together.
The rest of my dad’s family have not really given me any time at all. Most of all the cousin who renounced as executor whose behaviour at the funeral was shocking as well! Xx