Hello everyone. I have not logged on in a while. Dad passed away over christmas and i am finding it so very hard to deal with. He became very ill the day after i had got to lapland. He was rushed into hospital with severe stomach pains and a high temperature. He died of twisted intestines, i can't remember what the medical name is now. My husband Bless him, thought it best not to tell me he was ill and was just hoping he would recover, but dad passed the next day. I am still numb and have not come to terms with it and i don't know how to deal with it really. I remember letting out such a scream when i was told, whilst a heap on the floor i saw my little boys face scared out of his whits because he thought some one was hurting me. At that moment i had to pull myself up and together for my kids sake's and that's how i have been feeling ever since. All i wanted to do was go home and just sit and put my arms around dad for a while and tell him once again how much i love him, but i know he would not have wanted me to ruin the kids holiday, a once in a life time holiday spent with father christmas. He would have loved to have been there himself. He was ment to be with us as we had planned this holiday for three years but he never made it. Anyway since the funeral which i had no help from my brothers and sisters arranging, i still can't get my head around the fact that he is no longer here anymore. I still find myself panicking that i am going to be late to see him at the home. Then i panic becouse i can't see him any more. There is a constant battle with myself to be strong and i must not crumble or fall to peaces because there is too much to take care of. I have a new job that i started three days before the funeral working at Age Concern helping lonely elderly people, it is a great job and i want to do it well. I still have to sort out all dads affairs with his estate and finances, and also have got to contend with a greedy bunch of family with their hands out. Forgive me for sounding bitter and angry but that is exactly what i am at the moment. If i had my way i would give the lot to the Alzheimers society. Being that they and everyone on this site were the only ones to help me and dad. But i have to do what dad wanted. I could go on for ever telling you of the horrors of my family and how uncaring they have been. Its funny though when money comes into play how people suddenly want to know how you are and how things are going.
I know that he is better now and i hope happier, but my pain just never seems to go away. I don't know if maybe i had been with him that i would be dealing with things better who knows?
I just want to thank eveyone for all your words of comfort and help and if its ok that i still every so often log on for a chat.
Thank you again to everyone and thanks for letting me rant on.
All the best Elise x
I know that he is better now and i hope happier, but my pain just never seems to go away. I don't know if maybe i had been with him that i would be dealing with things better who knows?
I just want to thank eveyone for all your words of comfort and help and if its ok that i still every so often log on for a chat.
Thank you again to everyone and thanks for letting me rant on.
All the best Elise x