Coming home


Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
sort of north east ish
Just wanting to share a little of what's happening around here at the moment. Dad, like so many others in his nursing home, and every other nursing home, talked about wanting to go home almost endlessly. I felt so wretched that I couldn't grant his wish, and wretched that when he went into care it was through emergency respite ... things had deteriorated to such an extent and I'd struggled to get help for him, so much, that what finally happened in February this year was that he'd been "wandering" without proper clothing and generally being at risk. In the end social services got him a respite place, I took his hand and took him there, and he never came home.

Now he's died I've decided to bring him home. He's coming back about 10am tomorrow morning and will stay while we go to the funeral at 3pm. Fortunately I was just at the stage with sorting his house out that it was more or less cleared and clean, but yet up for sale. We've got flowers, and photos, and candles and his favourite music, and his favourite things in the room for him. The garden is tidy and I'm hoping his favourite house plant will open the bud it has and flower for him.

I'm a bit anxious about it all, and that it goes right .......but it feels a good thing to do.


Registered User
May 14, 2006
Dear Aine,
We did exactly the same thing for my Dad when he died. He had been in hospital for four weeks and was looking forward to going home, but had an unexpected heart attack and died. The Pastor suggested that we should bring his coffin into the house for an hour or so before the funeral, which seemed like a good idea. Some people were horrified at the idea and my children kept well away! It was the right thing to do for Mum and me, and it seemed right that he left from his own house, and in July all the gardens in the road looked really beautiful.
At the last minute, we realised that it was also dustbin day and the dust cart would arrive at the same time as the hearse! As we live in the country, with narrow lanes, we warned the undertakers and the bin bags were collected earlier than usual so there was no problem.
We also decided to scatter his ashes in the garden and plant a special rose bush for him, as my parents had always loved their house. It seems a shame that now Mum is in the NH and she is away from her home of over 30 years.


Registered User
Mar 13, 2006
hello áine
only just saw this thread,
i hope today goes ok for you im so pleased you were able to bring your dad home once more.
its 3.55 now so i suppose your half way through it now just wanted you to know your in my thoughts
take care xx


Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
Aine I hope today has been as OK as it can be for you. I know from your posts on here that your dad was very lucky to have you and you were very good to him and always did everything you could.

Take care.



Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Aine, the end of a very long and hard day for you. For 'dad', the start of whatever he would have wished.

Be kind to yourself, love and hugs,


Registered User
Oct 15, 2005
Hope the day has gone smoothly for you, and glad that your Dad could be home for a few hours.
Take care of yourself


Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
sort of north east ish
thank you so much for your good wishes. it all felt a little surreal but it went really well. strange to be flitting between preparing food etc for the bun-fight after the funeral, greeting friends and family who were arriving for the funeral, and spending time chatting to dad in the lounge. to their credit, my friends and family managed to be quite chilled about dad being there and found their own level between steering clear of him and spending time with him. i'm glad i did this .... it felt like the right thing to do, but when it got closer i started to feel anxious. but it was fine. i put things that dad treasured (certificates, awards, photos and holiday souvenirs) in the lounge with him and had some candles and essential oil burners (since that seemed to be help him when he was dying) and played a CD of the sound of the sea - its a sound i love and seems appropriate since dad was born close to the sea ... and seemed a good compromise between playing music that either of us liked (and the other would normally dislike) or playing funereal sort of music that i can't really think either of us would have related to.

the funeral went well. i cried lots, but i was also struck by how much we laughed as well in the car to and from the crem.

i feel so blessed and grateful for the people i've had around me through all this. in their different ways, both the people who were there with me yesterday (god, is it only yesterday? time does some weird things) and the people here on TP have been totally priceless

love to you all


Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
Well done, Áine!

Haven't heard the phrase 'bun-fight' for a long time!!!! I can only aspire to keeping the humour you have under such circumstances ... if that's ALL I can do for mum over the next 'however long' I'll be pleased with myself...

I hope now you get chance for some time to put yourself first ... you have 'done your dad proud'!

Well done!

Much love. Karen (TF), x

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