Coming home soon.. feeling a bit anxious

[DaisyG]

Dear All,

Husband due home next week.
So they think this will be the next step in our 'recovery programme'.

Still got lots of appointments to arrange, and a few people to see before then.

Home Visit went OK.
Will have the bed rail delivered in a day or so.
Bathroom already adapted.

Physio's have said the he MUST NOT try and walk on his own AT ALL.
OT's have said that he MUST NOT even try and make a HOT drink.
That part of the assessment he failed with a captial F.

Home is already reasonably 'disabled friendly'.
Other equipment in order.

Needs to have a leg brace fitted (moulded), but really not mobile at all.

Will not supply hoist for FALLS only.
Said hoist will be supplied if we need help getting into and out of bed.

If he falls... just do a 999.
Feel guilty in 999-ing 'just' for a fall.
I know Connie has done this in the past a lot.
Maybe she can offer advice?

Bit concerned about the violence side of things.... he's been getting a lot agitated with me in hospital.

Nurses STILL not really making any comments (to me) about the confusion / delusions / paranoia.

Incontinece a bit 'hit and miss' .... literally .
Good job we have tiles in the bathroom !!



Had a bad day today...
House Insurance due ....... and our TV has 'died'. (It's 15 years old !!)

Told husband this.... (he DOES NOT like change)....
His ONLY comment was...
"Make sure you get a colour one ... won't you?"

Yeah, I said... No problem......

Half an hour later....
"Have you got the new TV delivered yet?"

Will have to try and get this in before he's home.


Feeling A LOT anxious about his return.
BEFORE this hospital admission things were getting A LOT out of hand... violence and threats.... an everyday thing.

Time will tell....

Take Care,

DaisyG

 

[Margarita]

What about care support , as in someone coming in to give you time out , or just helping you ?

 

[Grannie G]

Dear Daisy, I hope the hospital staff and medics know how anxious you are .

Have you told them?

You sound really worried and nervous and I am concerned for you.

If your husband is violent in hospital there are a number of people on hand to deal with it. If he is at home, there`s only you.

Please make sure they all know how nervous you are before he is discharged.

If you feel no one is prepared to discuss it openly with you, insist on seeing the consultant for a proper interview before your husband is discharged.

Please ask for help.

Love xx

 

[cynron]

999

Before my husband went into a home i called the paramedics out twice one weekend as he was on the floor , the second time it was a saturday night and i thought no way could i get an ambulance out and so i made him comfy on the floor but when they came sunday morning i was told off for leaving him on the floor.They were not concerned at all to be called out and told me not to hesitate next time.

Cynron x x

 

[Skye]

Hi Daisy

I'm not surprised you're feeling apprehensive about your husband coming home. Mixed emothios, I guess, because I know you also have been looking forward to this.

Do't be frightened to ask for help whenever you need it. If you don't they'll just leave you to cope. You can't be expected to lift him when he falls.

Keep in touch, and let us know how you get on.

(Hope you get the TV sorted in time!)

Love,

 

[DaisyG]

Bit of an incident....

Well, husband due home on Wednesday........

There was a bit of an incident at the week end.
He thretened to hit / thump one of the nurses (male)... called him BAD names ++
It was a CLOSE miss.

Some of you already know a little about his / our history.


How can you control the violence without sedating too much?
Already on quetiapine 2 x 50mg.. dose a bit low, due to epilepsy and other drugs.
Can be increased a bit, but seizures may increase.


Still coming home as planned, but think I need more input from CPN etc.


Got an out-patients appointment for Urology ..... and incontinence issues... Got District Nurse lined up...
All other appointments arranged, and he's not even left the hospital YET.


Pretty much everything is in place, just the violence / aggression to sort.

Delusions and Paranoia etc also on the increase.
Stories are g-r-o-w-i-n-g, getting more detailed and more incredible.


Still 'nasty' to me, and sweentness to others.

Will catch up with you all in a few days.

Take Care

DaisyG

 

[Skye]

Hi Daisy

It sounds as if you've got as much covered as you're able to just now. Well done! Just the violence to sort out now. Make sure you get all the help you need.

Good luck for Wednesday.

Love,

 

[Grannie G]

Hi Daisy,

I hope all goes well on Wednesday.

If there are any more incidents like the near miss with the male nurse, will your husband still come home.

On a very personal level, will you want him home. [I know I shouldn`t really ask that, but I am concerned about the violence]

You are in a really difficult position, in that you want your husband home but are afraid of him.

I hope those in the know, the medics, treat you with the respect you deserve.

Take care

Love xx

 

[DaisyG]

Grannie G,

Yes, I suppose I do want him home... there will always be a ... 'BUT'.

Before all this, we were (I was) thinking about the future, and the possibility of Care Homes, even though he is so young.


The uncertainty of the violence is draining, and having NO or little sleep is going to be a thing I have to get used to ALL over again.


I guess they recorded the incident at the hospital, but to be fair I have been telling them about THIS VIOLENCE for a few weeks now.
Leave it to the last few days to show his 'true colours'.

He's been telling everyone that he should have thumped X.
Even the ward cleaner/domestic !! Poor lady didn't know what to say.
He's as angry today, as he was on Saturday.


We were at a 'crossroads' before. All I can do is my best, as always.

I can but try.
I do know that our time as a 'real couple' is fading faster than I hoped.

Take Care,

DaisyG

 

[Cate]

Hi Daisy

Sorry to have missed your posts before now.

Oh Daisy, I maybe putting my foot in it here, but are you completely sure about this. It obvious you want to do the right thing and have hubby home, but are you SURE you are going to be safe.

Just going to be devils advocate here, what happens if you dont have a 'near miss', he hits you, then he falls, what then!!

Shouldn't you be thinking along the lines that you wont be having him home until the violence is sorted out, for both your sakes. Wouldnt it be better he is sadated and you are safe, I know this is difficult, but I really do fear for your safety.


Nobody is going to think you havent tried if you call a hault to this, please please think about it.

Love
Cate

 

[DaisyG]

Thanks Cate, and others.....

I know I'm in such a difficult situation, to put it mildly.

I'm guessing the ONLY way to control the anger/temper is by sedation, but I could be wrong. ??????

You would think that even though he has had pneumonia and is so 'weak', at times not even able to 'help' get himself dressed.....
At times .....he is also INCREDIBLY strong. This sound weird, I know.
It's as though he is in another persons mind and body.

I've got a 'safe lockable room'..... or I will just walk out... if need be.


I had hoped that this part of our lives was going to stop.
Even if the violence and aggression were to cease altogether, I am still faced with an increasingly difficult task.


Take Care,

DaisyG

 

[Cate]

Hi Daisy

You are one very brave lady.

So pleased to hear you have a safe room, please dont forget to take your phone with you!!

Stay safe and keep in touch.

Love

Cate

 

[Nell]

Dear Daisy,
I feel so much for you - you are facing such a dilemma.

Have you considered asking for an "exit interview" with the doctor supervising your husband's care or the Unit Manager in charge of the ward he is on? I know you have told people about your husband's behaviour before, but I wonder if it would be a good idea to ask THEM (whoever you get to see!) what YOU should do if he becomes violent again . . . ?

Put it back onto the experts to advise you.
That way no-one can say "oh, we wouldn't have discharged Mr. X if we knew how violent he could be to his wife."

I know and other TPers know, how much you have tried to get the situation across to others, but sometimes we need to take a hammer to crack a nut, as they say!!

If you ask them for advice, they will have to record your consultation and what they said to you. They may be a little more cautious about discharging your husband without any contingency plans for you.

Whatever happens, I am thinking of you and sending you my most caring wishes. Please take GOOD CARE of yourself.