Cocerns about mum's care home

JoJo2821

Registered User
May 20, 2018
42
0
2 months in and I and my siblings are having real trouble with her care home.

Our first issue is that certain members of staff have a real issue with my mum's old carer, Tracey (not real name) who still visits mum 4 times a week at the home.

She has cared for my mum for 4 years prior to mum going into the home. We decided to keep her on to help mum transition and maintain a relationship that has benefitted mum's well being immeasurably whilst she has dealt with the effects of Alzheimers.

English is not her first language and Tracey can at times come over rather brusque but once you get used to it she is a true gem and has glowing references from everyone she has ever worked for plus and award for her work with people with dementia. Despite this certain members of staff at the home have complained about her and I have witnessed them ignoring her or rolling their eyes whenever she talks. One of the members of staff referred to her as "that silly" cow whilst complaining to me about her.
In an attempt to appease the staff and show good will will agreed that Tracey would not get involved in any of mum's personal care, like showering her in the morning or helping her to get dressed, despite mum's preference being that Tracey do this for her. Tracey also agreed to come in later in the morning so as not to interfere with the carers routine in the morning.
Despite this some carers are still resentful of her presence and complain that she is rude to them and they find her intimidating. On Wednesday this week it all came to a head and Tracey left the care home because she could no longer take the unpleasant atmosphere and rudeness, more alarmingly she was unsure whether she wanted to continue to visit my mum at the care home.

This fills me with despair because the ward my mother is on has a staff ratio of 2-10 in the daytime and 1 -10 at night, despite one of the residents frequently requiring two members of staff to fulfil his personal care needs because he has several additional conditions including dementia. My mum has mobility issues and has had several bad falls. The staff constantly complain that she requires 1-1 care as they cannot satisfactorily meet her needs due to the staffing ratios. They frequently take mum around with them when they attend to other residents personal care in their rooms. My mum does not like having to do this, and complains that she can't be in her room alone as frequently as she might like because they cannot check on her frequently enough to ensure she is safe. This is why it is so infuriating to me that they cannot see Tracey as a blessing and act in a professional way and treat her with courtesy. They don't have to adore her but they should surely tolerate her for mum's benefit and theirs? I am a teacher and I do not love every parent, nanny, childminder etc I come across but I work with them for the benefit of the child, I wouldn't dream of being discourteous even if I felt their manner was not to my liking.

The manager is the barely around she is permanently locked in her office on the ground floor or outside the home having a fag. I have only seen her once on my mothers ward in the two months she has been there and she has never reached out to us to ask us how my mum has settled in. Her response is that she has spoken to the staff concerned and tells me that they counter that Paula is the problem.
What do I do...? Mum will be devastated if Tracey doesn't visit most days and I will be concerned that mum's care is compromised because of the low staffing levels.
 

YorkshireLass

Registered User
Feb 15, 2017
222
0
Ilkley
2 months in and I and my siblings are having real trouble with her care home.

Our first issue is that certain members of staff have a real issue with my mum's old carer, Tracey (not real name) who still visits mum 4 times a week at the home.

She has cared for my mum for 4 years prior to mum going into the home. We decided to keep her on to help mum transition and maintain a relationship that has benefitted mum's well being immeasurably whilst she has dealt with the effects of Alzheimers.

English is not her first language and Tracey can at times come over rather brusque but once you get used to it she is a true gem and has glowing references from everyone she has ever worked for plus and award for her work with people with dementia. Despite this certain members of staff at the home have complained about her and I have witnessed them ignoring her or rolling their eyes whenever she talks. One of the members of staff referred to her as "that silly" cow whilst complaining to me about her.
In an attempt to appease the staff and show good will will agreed that Tracey would not get involved in any of mum's personal care, like showering her in the morning or helping her to get dressed, despite mum's preference being that Tracey do this for her. Tracey also agreed to come in later in the morning so as not to interfere with the carers routine in the morning.
Despite this some carers are still resentful of her presence and complain that she is rude to them and they find her intimidating. On Wednesday this week it all came to a head and Tracey left the care home because she could no longer take the unpleasant atmosphere and rudeness, more alarmingly she was unsure whether she wanted to continue to visit my mum at the care home.

This fills me with despair because the ward my mother is on has a staff ratio of 2-10 in the daytime and 1 -10 at night, despite one of the residents frequently requiring two members of staff to fulfil his personal care needs because he has several additional conditions including dementia. My mum has mobility issues and has had several bad falls. The staff constantly complain that she requires 1-1 care as they cannot satisfactorily meet her needs due to the staffing ratios. They frequently take mum around with them when they attend to other residents personal care in their rooms. My mum does not like having to do this, and complains that she can't be in her room alone as frequently as she might like because they cannot check on her frequently enough to ensure she is safe. This is why it is so infuriating to me that they cannot see Tracey as a blessing and act in a professional way and treat her with courtesy. They don't have to adore her but they should surely tolerate her for mum's benefit and theirs? I am a teacher and I do not love every parent, nanny, childminder etc I come across but I work with them for the benefit of the child, I wouldn't dream of being discourteous even if I felt their manner was not to my liking.

The manager is the barely around she is permanently locked in her office on the ground floor or outside the home having a fag. I have only seen her once on my mothers ward in the two months she has been there and she has never reached out to us to ask us how my mum has settled in. Her response is that she has spoken to the staff concerned and tells me that they counter that Paula is the problem.
What do I do...? Mum will be devastated if Tracey doesn't visit most days and I will be concerned that mum's care is compromised because of the low staffing levels.
 

carolynp

Registered User
Mar 4, 2018
569
0
2 months in and I and my siblings are having real trouble with her care home.

Our first issue is that certain members of staff have a real issue with my mum's old carer, Tracey (not real name) who still visits mum 4 times a week at the home.

She has cared for my mum for 4 years prior to mum going into the home. We decided to keep her on to help mum transition and maintain a relationship that has benefitted mum's well being immeasurably whilst she has dealt with the effects of Alzheimers.

English is not her first language and Tracey can at times come over rather brusque but once you get used to it she is a true gem and has glowing references from everyone she has ever worked for plus and award for her work with people with dementia. Despite this certain members of staff at the home have complained about her and I have witnessed them ignoring her or rolling their eyes whenever she talks. One of the members of staff referred to her as "that silly" cow whilst complaining to me about her.
In an attempt to appease the staff and show good will will agreed that Tracey would not get involved in any of mum's personal care, like showering her in the morning or helping her to get dressed, despite mum's preference being that Tracey do this for her. Tracey also agreed to come in later in the morning so as not to interfere with the carers routine in the morning.
Despite this some carers are still resentful of her presence and complain that she is rude to them and they find her intimidating. On Wednesday this week it all came to a head and Tracey left the care home because she could no longer take the unpleasant atmosphere and rudeness, more alarmingly she was unsure whether she wanted to continue to visit my mum at the care home.

This fills me with despair because the ward my mother is on has a staff ratio of 2-10 in the daytime and 1 -10 at night, despite one of the residents frequently requiring two members of staff to fulfil his personal care needs because he has several additional conditions including dementia. My mum has mobility issues and has had several bad falls. The staff constantly complain that she requires 1-1 care as they cannot satisfactorily meet her needs due to the staffing ratios. They frequently take mum around with them when they attend to other residents personal care in their rooms. My mum does not like having to do this, and complains that she can't be in her room alone as frequently as she might like because they cannot check on her frequently enough to ensure she is safe. This is why it is so infuriating to me that they cannot see Tracey as a blessing and act in a professional way and treat her with courtesy. They don't have to adore her but they should surely tolerate her for mum's benefit and theirs? I am a teacher and I do not love every parent, nanny, childminder etc I come across but I work with them for the benefit of the child, I wouldn't dream of being discourteous even if I felt their manner was not to my liking.

The manager is the barely around she is permanently locked in her office on the ground floor or outside the home having a fag. I have only seen her once on my mothers ward in the two months she has been there and she has never reached out to us to ask us how my mum has settled in. Her response is that she has spoken to the staff concerned and tells me that they counter that Paula is the problem.
What do I do...? Mum will be devastated if Tracey doesn't visit most days and I will be concerned that mum's care is compromised because of the low staffing levels.
 

YorkshireLass

Registered User
Feb 15, 2017
222
0
Ilkley
Hi JoJo, what a difficult situation you find yourself in. I haven't any similar experience with my mum. When my mum first moved into care after I had looked after her 24/7 during my visits I would help in taking her to the bathroom, sorting her bedroom and so on. Almost two years on I still visit every day and sometimes during the night when I've been called because of her overwhelming distress. I no longer do any of the bathroom visits but I feel I'm still involved in her care. All isn't perfect but it wasn't when I was her sole carer. I am so relieved to know she is as safe as she can be, cared for and genuinely loved by the carers. perhaps it might help if for a short while you visit your mum with Tracey so you can ease the situation. Hope all works out dementia and a move into care is enough to cope with xx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
81,443
0
Kent
Hello @JoJo2821

If Tracy is visiting frequently and intimidating care home staff and being brusque with them, I'm not surprised they are resenting her presence.

It is not her place to make care home employees feel uncomfortable, she is there as a visitor.

If you are not happy with the home, the onus is on you to make other arrangements for your mother. Tracy has no place to try to put right what is wrong with the home.

I know you only want what's best for your mother and I understand this 100%. You will not be able to get this by proxy. I think the best way to solve this problem would be to find a better home.
 

carolynp

Registered User
Mar 4, 2018
569
0
This is an extremely tricky situation. While I can see the staff might feel their role is being unnecessarily duplicated, and be resentful of that - at the same time, Tracey could be a family member, in which case they would be stuck with her. From what I understand on TP, many close family members are doing what Tracey does for their PWD in a care home. Some surely are tolerated, and some indeed are welcomed. However, the family members cannot walk out the way Tracey has done, and - truth be told - a lot of them are probably putting up with not dissimilar treatment for the sake of their loved one.

Tracey's manner should not be an issue - exactly as you say, in your own profession. I do not imagine her being from overseas is a major factor in the situation that has developed.

Tracey as I understand it was employed in a transition role by you. This has been so successful that you would like to continue it. Tracey however has voted with her feet, given the treatment she is receiving from the CH staff, and on Wednesday she left - and may not want to continue at all.

The manager you are not finding all that involved, to put it mildly - so no hope there. And I'm assuming the last thing you would want to do would be to move your mother.

If, as I understand it, you are contemplating (against all the odds!), at this watershed moment, an ongoing relationship with Tracey, if possible employing her to continue to care for your mother, four times a week at the CH, then:

(a) can you offer her more money? If that is financially possible, I would be tempted to ask Tracey what would make it worth her while to continue, on an ongoing (no longer temporary) basis - that would enable her to put up with the staff opposition (because I don't think attitudinal change is easily accomplished and in fact I think a root and branch approach - trying to reform the staff's behaviour throughout the CH - is the hardest option and the one least likely to succeed). This seems to me, if it's a goer, to be the easiest option.

(b) could you contemplate moving your mother plus Tracey (provided she is willing to enter into a longer term arrangement) to another CH, and making Tracey's involvement a condition of your mother's acceptance into the new place? (This option has so many problems though, not least being the fact that you might move your mother and find Tracey moved out of the area, or found another full-time job ... ).

What I come back to in my mind is that, substituting (hypothetically) a family member for Tracey, the staff's behaviour, including the eye rolling, at this CH might not change much - but the resentment towards another paid carer would not exist, and they are probably more accustomed to getting irritated with family members trying to do their bit, than they are to working alongside someone like Tracey. Added to which, a family member would not be able to walk away, and would put up with all the bad behaviour, take it like a lamb, become more ingratiating all the time, start bringing chocolates for the staff (I speak from grim personal experience)......

These are some preliminary thoughts but other responders on TP will have far more practical advice.

Good luck with a very knotty problem. So much for doing the right thing!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
This is a very difficult situation for you and I am sorry that there is such a problem with the relationship between your mums care home and her friend. I agree that your mum needs to have her friends visiting her. When mum was in her care home she was continued to be visited by a very dear friend who had worked in a care home and mum would quite often be showered by this friend - no one objected to this at all. I have also seen relatives coming in to feed them.

I am, however, quite concerned about this
The staff constantly complain that she requires 1-1 care as they cannot satisfactorily meet her needs due to the staffing ratios.

Is this a care home which has non-dementia residents as well as accepting people who also have dementia? I am wondering whether this is the reason for the low staffing levels. If they are unable to meet your mums needs then this is a great concern and perhaps she is in the wrong place.
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,962
0
Kent
My thoughts are...your mum doesn't sound as though she is in the right home for her needs. It doesn't seem that the situation between carer and staff can improve unless you have a meeting with the manager to reach a compromise of the carer helping for your mum's well being and they understand that and you have to make the manager communicate with you. Did the manager agree that you wanted the carer's continuing involvement before your mum moved in...in which case the staff have to work with the arrangement...or has this just been added after admission without discussion ..in which case I can see how that would cause some upset.However...in dad's NH I helped a lot with his pc at first as he was very resistant the carers were happy with that..then gradually withdrew after a couple of months of transition and generally they took over as it should be. It is perhaps more to do with a combination of the carer's manner and approach and unprofessional attitude of some carers meaning a lack of will to make the arrangement work.The carer whilst she and family have good intentions should visit only as a friend of your mum and leave the care to the home...if that is inadequate and you voice your concerns in writing with no improvement I would move Mum.
 
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kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
0
May I just say something from another point of view, not about the care home manager or whether it is suitable but about the situation with Tracey.
As readers of my thread (Please don't throw me away - I have a partner with dementia) know, I visit most days and am now accepted as part of the NH team. This does take incredibly sensitive management because I still make a point of asking them if I may ... do anything I do, and they say yes of course, but I go on asking. Someone from the outside coming in like Tracey does, please, I am not criticising, is hard to manage, especially when she is a carer. Teams bond by who they exclude, that is human nature. The staff know they can rely on me but I will also defer to them before any action I take with any of the residents. I offer myself as an additional resource to talk to people, do activities with them etc and thank God I am accepted and loved. But this has taken a lot of careful restraint on my part.
I do understand your dilemma and hope it works out.
Kindred.xx
 

carolynp

Registered User
Mar 4, 2018
569
0
May I just say something from another point of view, not about the care home manager or whether it is suitable but about the situation with Tracey.
As readers of my thread (Please don't throw me away - I have a partner with dementia) know, I visit most days and am now accepted as part of the NH team. This does take incredibly sensitive management because I still make a point of asking them if I may ... do anything I do, and they say yes of course, but I go on asking. Someone from the outside coming in like Tracey does, please, I am not criticising, is hard to manage, especially when she is a carer. Teams bond by who they exclude, that is human nature. The staff know they can rely on me but I will also defer to them before any action I take with any of the residents. I offer myself as an additional resource to talk to people, do activities with them etc and thank God I am accepted and loved. But this has taken a lot of careful restraint on my part.
I do understand your dilemma and hope it works out.
Kindred.xx
Dear Geraldine that is so interesting. I hadn’t realised how delicate a matter it is and I appreciate your inside view so much, it’s fascinating.

By the by I’d also never, in all
my seventy years, realised that people bond by whom they exclude! You’ve just illuminated some long term family dynamics for me and I couldn’t be more grateful!

And well done, also, for the careful path you’re weaving in order still to care for your OH as you are doing.

Love Carolyn xxx
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,937
0
Dear Geraldine that is so interesting. I hadn’t realised how delicate a matter it is and I appreciate your inside view so much, it’s fascinating.

By the by I’d also never, in all
my seventy years, realised that people bond by whom they exclude! You’ve just illuminated some long term family dynamics for me and I couldn’t be more grateful!

And well done, also, for the careful path you’re weaving in order still to care for your OH as you are doing.

Love Carolyn xxx
Thank you so much, sweetheart. I do hope it works out for you. Gxx
 

Sirena

Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
2,324
0
This is a difficult situation for you, because you and your mother trust Tracey and you see her visits as entirely positive. But as others have said, she is not part of the staff, she is a visitor, and if she wants to help out it needs sensitive handling. A visit from an outside carer is a different thing from a visit by a relative. If you are not confident the care home has the ability to care for your mother without Tracey's input, it probably isn't the right care home for her.

My mother had care at home for 18 months before she moved to a CH, and she had a favourite regular carer who she was very fond of, and that carer accompanied her to the CH on moving-in day to help settle her in. I have no idea if the care home would have agreed to her helping out on a regular basis but I suspect they may have seen it as a criticism of their ability to provide care.

You may well be right to have concerns about the care home, but I am not sure they can be fixed by Tracey's visits.
 

Truster

Registered User
Aug 23, 2018
68
0
Ammanford
2 months in and I and my siblings are having real trouble with her care home.

Our first issue is that certain members of staff have a real issue with my mum's old carer, Tracey (not real name) who still visits mum 4 times a week at the home.

She has cared for my mum for 4 years prior to mum going into the home. We decided to keep her on to help mum transition and maintain a relationship that has benefitted mum's well being immeasurably whilst she has dealt with the effects of Alzheimer's.

English is not her first language and Tracey can at times come over rather brusque but once you get used to it she is a true gem and has glowing references from everyone she has ever worked for plus and award for her work with people with dementia. Despite this certain members of staff at the home have complained about her and I have witnessed them ignoring her or rolling their eyes whenever she talks. One of the members of staff referred to her as "that silly" cow whilst complaining to me about her.
In an attempt to appease the staff and show goodwill will agree that Tracey would not get involved in any of mum's personal care, like showering her in the morning or helping her to get dressed, despite mum's preference being that Tracey does this for her. Tracey also agreed to come in later in the morning so as not to interfere with the carers routine in the morning.
Despite this some carers are still resentful of her presence and complain that she is rude to them and they find her intimidating. On Wednesday this week, it all came to a head and Tracey left the care home because she could no longer take the unpleasant atmosphere and rudeness, more alarmingly she was unsure whether she wanted to continue to visit my mum at the care home.

This fills me with despair because the ward my mother is on has a staff ratio of 2-10 in the daytime and 1 -10 at night, despite one of the residents frequently requiring two members of staff to fulfil his personal care needs because he has several additional conditions including dementia. My mum has mobility issues and has had several bad falls. The staff constantly complain that she requires 1-1 care as they cannot satisfactorily meet her needs due to the staffing ratios. They frequently take mum around with them when they attend to other residents personal care in their rooms. My mum does not like having to do this and complains that she can't be in her room alone as frequently as she might like because they cannot check on her frequently enough to ensure she is safe. This is why it is so infuriating to me that they cannot see Tracey as a blessing and act in a professional way and treat her with courtesy. They don't have to adore her but they should surely tolerate her for mum's benefit and theirs? I am a teacher and I do not love every parent, nanny, childminder etc I come across but I work with them for the benefit of the child, I wouldn't dream of being discourteous even if I felt their manner was not to my liking.

The manager is the barely around she is permanently locked in her office on the ground floor or outside the home having a fag. I have only seen her once on my mother's ward in the two months she has been there and she has never reached out to us to ask us how my mum has settled in. Her response is that she has spoken to the staff concerned and tells me that they counter that Paula is the problem.
What do I do...? Mum will be devastated if Tracey doesn't visit most days and I will be concerned that mum's care is compromised because of the low staffing levels.

It appears to me that Tracy is a threat to them and from the beginning, she must have been showing them up. You have placed a truly caring person in the midst of those that don't care and the latter are being made to feel uncomfortable. A dedicate person in the midst of the indifferent will burst the bubble of pretence that the indifferent make for themselves.

You must do whatever it is that will give to peace of mind and don't be fearful of rocking the boat.

Every blessing, H.
 

Elle3

Registered User
Jun 30, 2016
705
0
It seems very counterproductive to pay a Care home to take care of your mum and also pay (I presume) for a carer to visit and do the same thing. This says to me that maybe you feel the Care home is not able to fulfill its role in taking care of your mum properly, so it’s possible your mum is in the wrong care home.

If you value Tracey’s input, maybe you should ask her why she thinks the Care home staff are behaving in that way towards her and what she feels is missing with your mums care. This again may confirm the need to find an alternative care home.

I hope you manage to sort things out. Elle x
 
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Jezzer

Registered User
Jun 12, 2016
984
0
Lincoln, UK
May I just say something from another point of view, not about the care home manager or whether it is suitable but about the situation with Tracey.
As readers of my thread (Please don't throw me away - I have a partner with dementia) know, I visit most days and am now accepted as part of the NH team. This does take incredibly sensitive management because I still make a point of asking them if I may ... do anything I do, and they say yes of course, but I go on asking. Someone from the outside coming in like Tracey does, please, I am not criticising, is hard to manage, especially when she is a carer. Teams bond by who they exclude, that is human nature. The staff know they can rely on me but I will also defer to them before any action I take with any of the residents. I offer myself as an additional resource to talk to people, do activities with them etc and thank God I am accepted and loved. But this has taken a lot of careful restraint on my part.
I do understand your dilemma and hope it works out.
Kindred.xx[
Measured, wise and knowledgeable input from you @kindred especially as you are so involved in Keith's NH and the many activities. No team of people, especially undertaking a very busy and difficult job, would want a stranger (to them) coming in and "upsettling the applecart". It is definitely a delicate situation and it will be of no benefit to anyone to allow this situation to deteriorate further. Is the problem your genuine dissatisfaction with your mother's level of care or the bad feeling between the carers and Tracey? If the former, then a change of CH may be the solution. If the latter, well this is where things get tricky. As many of us know @kindred has been a part of the team at her husbands NH for some time, and a welcome one at that. However she is not employed by the home and rightly, continues to ask and check with staff before getting involved with residents and activities. This is not only common sense, it is a mark of respect towards the staff. Does Tracey criticise staff, take on duties normally performed by them? If so I feel this is wrong. If she wishes to help, perhaps she should discuss this with the manager. Another thought; as your mother's former carer (and now friend) I suspect she will never be satisfied with others care of your mum. If you do move mum to another home, will this start all over again? Lots to consider. I hope you can resolve this. Ultimately, it is what is best for Mum that is important. Best Wishes.
 
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JoJo2821

Registered User
May 20, 2018
42
0
Hi all thank you for all the advice and comments. Have not had a chance to reply because I have been trying to sort the situation out.

As most of you have pointed out - I and my siblings are now aware that this is not the right home for mum. The management is very poor, with staff constantly complaining to us that the service is failing in some way, but management telling us that they are not aware of any concerns from staff. Only yesterday my brother was told by a member of staff that she would not leave her mum in the home! Our problem is the home we would like to move her to currently has no vacancy, so we have to try and make the best of it at the current one and for me that means having Tracey involved. Furthermore the CQC guidelines state that residents “should be able to have a choice about who provides you with personal care, such as help with washing and dressing.” Mum time again expresses a preference for Tracey to be involved in her personal care.

It is only Tracey & our family that consistently make sure mum's teeth are cleaned, her dentures taken out at night, her diet is good, that she gets time doing the things she likes to do. The care home cannot provide these things. I can see a brighter horizon for mum but I do fear for the many residents in the home who have no other options.

We meet with mum's social worker and the manager on Tuesday next week - fingers crossed we can work things out for the better.