clothes - one extreme to the other

[Belinda3]

another thing happened recently.
I'm wondering if others have experienced it and how best you've coped with it.

ok, so my friend says he needs a new shirt, but to get the next size down as the size he has is too baggy.
So I tell him I've found one the next size down, its got good reviews and I've ordered and paid for it and its coming very soon.
He seemed ok about it.
But when I got home tonight he phoned me and he was sooooooooooo angry (again). he had a right go at me saying he did not want the shirt I'd ordered and that I should get the size he already has.
I probably handled this all wrong but I said I'd already paid for it and its on its way, so why not just try it on and if it didn't fit then----
---at that point he went ballistic and got even more angry saying it wouldn't fit and he knows it won't fit, he was so angry with me.
so I said I'd speak to him when he'd calmed down and ended the call, as I couldn't handle his awful mood swing aimed once again at me.

my phone is off the hook tonight, rightly or wrongly. I can't cope with this...

This has happened before. got some gloves he wanted. he told me what size to get, I got them, but when I took them to him he went into one saying to take them back as they wouldn't fit and he knows they won't fit. on that occasion I managed to gently persuade him to just try them on and they could be taken back if they didn't fit.
He was so angry, but they fitted perfectly.

I can't deal with his anger, and mood swings, and having a go at me, and irrationality.

its very difficult.

The thought of saying that from now on he should ask carers to get his clothes for him, is something I might now have to do even though he'd probably take it the wrong way.

phew....

thanks for listening.

 

[tre]

I would be tempted to take the shirt away saying you will swap it for the right size and then present it again in a couple of days claiming it is a different one. You might get away with it.
Tre

 

[loveahug]

I would order both sizes every time and tell him that, as sizes vary, to try them for fit and then return the one he rejects. Of course he could then complain the next day that it doesn't fit, there's no reasoning with this blasted illness.

Chin up, you're doing a grand job, and patience does not come in endless supply

 

[canary]

People with dementia are often more confused/agitated in the evening and Im wondering if thats the time when he says he "knows" its the wrong size (perhaps you are going round after work?). If so, try around lunch time.
Like tre I would also apologise for getting the wrong size (no point in trying to argue - you will always lose to dementia), take the shirt away and try again in a couple of days.

 

[velocity]

Buying my Mum anything is difficult. I have tried so many different ways, she really just doesn't want to accept anything new, 'You are buying me too many clothes, I have plenty' as she 'seems' to forget sometimes how long she has had them. 'There isn't any room in her wardrobe for more',' its the wrong time of the year' you name it there is a reason 'not to' buy or renew.
Most items now when she picks them to wear or use, she will say is this yours, or is it something else you've bought me, and tries to give it back to me!
So I am sorry I really don't know how to help except to say I empathise.

 

[Belinda3]

I would be tempted to take the shirt away saying you will swap it for the right size and then present it again in a couple of days claiming it is a different one. You might get away with it.
Tre

thanks for your reply

unfortunately the labels need to stay attached and the info on them tends to be huge, but I appreciate your thoughts all the same, thanks

 

[Belinda3]

I would order both sizes every time and tell him that, as sizes vary, to try them for fit and then return the one he rejects. Of course he could then complain the next day that it doesn't fit, there's no reasoning with this blasted illness.

Chin up, you're doing a grand job, and patience does not come in endless supply

thank you.
I decided to kinda follow up your suggestion, my friend now has 2 to choose from. I told him the shop made a mistake and got 2 different sizes for me. So far so good...!!

 

[Belinda3]

People with dementia are often more confused/agitated in the evening and Im wondering if thats the time when he says he "knows" its the wrong size (perhaps you are going round after work?). If so, try around lunch time.
Like tre I would also apologise for getting the wrong size (no point in trying to argue - you will always lose to dementia), take the shirt away and try again in a couple of days.

its been a long time since my mother passed away, she had advanced dementia, and your post reminded me of something that used to happen with her, that she'd be more agitated late afternoons.
Funnily enough this does tend to be the time of day when my friend starts, I will need to keep this in mind from now on, thank you

 

[Belinda3]

Buying my Mum anything is difficult. I have tried so many different ways, she really just doesn't want to accept anything new, 'You are buying me too many clothes, I have plenty' as she 'seems' to forget sometimes how long she has had them. 'There isn't any room in her wardrobe for more',' its the wrong time of the year' you name it there is a reason 'not to' buy or renew.
Most items now when she picks them to wear or use, she will say is this yours, or is it something else you've bought me, and tries to give it back to me!
So I am sorry I really don't know how to help except to say I empathise.

thank you, and I understand and feel for you too.
I hope you are not alone in dealing with this, its is a very tricky situation.