1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

clothes - one extreme to the other

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Belinda3, Mar 9, 2015.

  1. Belinda3

    Belinda3 Registered User

    Mar 9, 2014
    20
    another thing happened recently.
    I'm wondering if others have experienced it and how best you've coped with it.

    ok, so my friend says he needs a new shirt, but to get the next size down as the size he has is too baggy.
    So I tell him I've found one the next size down, its got good reviews and I've ordered and paid for it and its coming very soon.
    He seemed ok about it.
    But when I got home tonight he phoned me and he was sooooooooooo angry (again). he had a right go at me saying he did not want the shirt I'd ordered and that I should get the size he already has.
    I probably handled this all wrong but I said I'd already paid for it and its on its way, so why not just try it on and if it didn't fit then----
    ---at that point he went ballistic and got even more angry saying it wouldn't fit and he knows it won't fit, he was so angry with me.
    so I said I'd speak to him when he'd calmed down and ended the call, as I couldn't handle his awful mood swing aimed once again at me.

    my phone is off the hook tonight, rightly or wrongly. I can't cope with this...

    This has happened before. got some gloves he wanted. he told me what size to get, I got them, but when I took them to him he went into one saying to take them back as they wouldn't fit and he knows they won't fit. on that occasion I managed to gently persuade him to just try them on and they could be taken back if they didn't fit.
    He was so angry, but they fitted perfectly.

    I can't deal with his anger, and mood swings, and having a go at me, and irrationality.

    its very difficult.

    The thought of saying that from now on he should ask carers to get his clothes for him, is something I might now have to do even though he'd probably take it the wrong way.

    phew....

    thanks for listening.
     
  2. tre

    tre Registered User

    Sep 23, 2008
    1,353
    Herts
    I would be tempted to take the shirt away saying you will swap it for the right size and then present it again in a couple of days claiming it is a different one. You might get away with it.
    Tre
     
  3. loveahug

    loveahug Registered User

    Nov 28, 2012
    1,071
    Moved to Leicester
    I would order both sizes every time and tell him that, as sizes vary, to try them for fit and then return the one he rejects. Of course he could then complain the next day that it doesn't fit, there's no reasoning with this blasted illness.

    Chin up, you're doing a grand job, and patience does not come in endless supply :)
     
  4. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,336
    Female
    South coast
    People with dementia are often more confused/agitated in the evening and Im wondering if thats the time when he says he "knows" its the wrong size (perhaps you are going round after work?). If so, try around lunch time.
    Like tre I would also apologise for getting the wrong size (no point in trying to argue - you will always lose to dementia), take the shirt away and try again in a couple of days.
     
  5. velocity

    velocity Registered User

    Feb 18, 2013
    174
    North Notts
    Buying my Mum anything is difficult. I have tried so many different ways, she really just doesn't want to accept anything new, 'You are buying me too many clothes, I have plenty' as she 'seems' to forget sometimes how long she has had them. 'There isn't any room in her wardrobe for more',' its the wrong time of the year' you name it there is a reason 'not to' buy or renew.
    Most items now when she picks them to wear or use, she will say is this yours, or is it something else you've bought me, and tries to give it back to me!:eek:
    So I am sorry I really don't know how to help except to say I empathise.
     
  6. Belinda3

    Belinda3 Registered User

    Mar 9, 2014
    20
    thanks for your reply :)

    unfortunately the labels need to stay attached and the info on them tends to be huge, but I appreciate your thoughts all the same, thanks
     
  7. Belinda3

    Belinda3 Registered User

    Mar 9, 2014
    20
    thank you.
    I decided to kinda follow up your suggestion, my friend now has 2 to choose from. I told him the shop made a mistake and got 2 different sizes for me. So far so good...!!
     
  8. Belinda3

    Belinda3 Registered User

    Mar 9, 2014
    20
    its been a long time since my mother passed away, she had advanced dementia, and your post reminded me of something that used to happen with her, that she'd be more agitated late afternoons.
    Funnily enough this does tend to be the time of day when my friend starts, I will need to keep this in mind from now on, thank you
     
  9. Belinda3

    Belinda3 Registered User

    Mar 9, 2014
    20
    thank you, and I understand and feel for you too.
    I hope you are not alone in dealing with this, its is a very tricky situation.
     

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