1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. Mollygoose

    Mollygoose Registered User

    Dec 19, 2014
    52
    Lincolnshire
    My mother has been so clingy lately ! She lives in sheltered accomandation for the over 60s ! She is nearly 90 and has short term memory ! Also she has carers in 4times a day ! My brother goes in the morning and I go at about 5pm ! The past few months she has got so clingy and begs me not to go home ! But I have to ! I have 2dogs to see to ! And work at 6am ! I am on my own with a 3bedroom house and a big garden to do ! I try to explain I have things to do ! But she can't understand ! Any ideas would be welcome please !
     
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,714
    Female
    London
    She seems to be lonely. Would she be able to go to a Day Centre for some company or get a befriending service to visit her?
     
  3. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,783
    Salford
    It seems to be a common thing, I can't leave the room without my wife following me, my Mum was exactly the same in the end we moved her in with us. Her neighbours did used visit her but the moment they left she forgot they'd been. Same with phone calls soon as the phone went down she'd forget the call, if you can't remember the visits and calls then I guess you could feel lonely.
    K
     
  4. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,973
    Suffolk
    This can indicate that your mother is confused by all around her, but she knows you, and you represent safety and security. Hence she wants to be with you, safe and secure.
    Care home? She will be with people and everything will be provided. Even with 6 visits a day, she is obviously confused.
    My opinion, anyway.
     
  5. Mollygoose

    Mollygoose Registered User

    Dec 19, 2014
    52
    Lincolnshire
    Clingging

    Thanks for all your replays ! That is the trouble she is totally confused ! She can't remember what happened five minutes ago ! After I have been to see her she ring be ringing as soon as I get home and say are you coming ! I will say I've only just left you ! But she has no ides I have just been
     
  6. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,973
    Suffolk
    Unfortunately that's the name of the game. A short term memory loss is just that. Over the years OHs memory went from 30 mins or so to milliseconds. On the other hand, the ability to use a phone ( and anything electronic) was one of the first skills he lost.
     
  7. Katrine

    Katrine Registered User

    Jan 20, 2011
    2,850
    England
    #7 Katrine, Sep 4, 2015
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2015
    The time of your visit may also be significant. She may be particularly afraid of being left alone at night. My MIL found evening and night time the hardest. There was an element of sundowning for her, with increased confusion at night. We felt that it was cruel to leave her alone. It becomes like leaving a small child by themselves. It was truly horrible to see her sad and anxious face, trying to be brave, as I headed for the car with a cheery smile, casting reassurances in my wake.

    What is the alternative, when the person insists that they don't want to move from where they live at the moment. Why would they? If you are frightened and confused, staying in a place that feels like home would be your logical choice.

    You know this is not sustainable for much longer. You will know when your mum needs someone with her 24/7. Note that I say 24/7, not 12/7. It is only when a person is looked after all the time that you find out how they are behaving when you are not visiting. What about all those hours from early evening through to breakfast. That's probably more than 12 hours alone at the moment. :(
     
  8. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    539
    Female
    Shropshire
    My mum lived alone but had her cataracts done so came to me for two weeks. Only then did I realise how bad her nights were. Wandering ,looking for something .Going into the children's room and just standing at the end of the bed. Crawling round the landing trying to scratch something out of the carpet. She must have been terrified. She had 24 hour care after that. Itvmay be an idea to stay a night or two just to see if anything is going on .
     
  9. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    840
    Fife Scotland
    yes mater likes to follow, and the time before last when I was too preoccupied organising her and the trolley for got the bags and when I said I was going to the car to get she shouted, "Don't leave me" I did but by the time I got back she was quite happily wandering the aisles
     
  10. Patricia Alice

    Patricia Alice Registered User

    Mar 2, 2015
    179
    I know exactly what you are saying. We had it everyday when she lived in sheltered housing so much so we were doing 13hrs a day and even staying over. This is when we noticed the behaviour changes were so bad, she would empty every cupboard, move things around, etc etc.

    She is still the same now and she is in full time care now, but when we visit she begs us not to leave her, she is frightened, even though she is surrounded by carers and residents.
    She has started wetting the bed because she says she is scared of being alone.

    It is the dementia. We have had to keep reminding ourselves of this and know she is well cared for and not alone.
     

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