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Clarity returned as death approached!

Lady M

Registered User
Sep 15, 2018
294
Essex
My beloved husband died on10th July in what he considered his ‘own’ in the wonderful care home where he had been for 10months.I and our sons were with him constantly for the last 72 hours of his life.....
This was after two spells in hospital when he was deamied at end of life and we had to say goodbye via video due to lockdown....he rallied on each occasion I believe to enable us to be with him!
During his last week of life..., confined to bed as he had been for the last couple of months...His clarity appeared to return......and his usual sparkle in his eyes returned as well,
This enabled family to have meaningful conversations with him, be it only for a few minutes at a time....thus proving I believe , that the true person never goes, even with this horrendous disease. He died in and at peace......after we were able to say goodbye and express our love,

Thanks to all on various forums here for help, support and just being there for me during the darkest times......love to all who are experiencing the trauma of the effects of dementia in whatever form.....this forum is a lifeline...... thank you to everyone.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,861
South coast
Im so sorry to hear that your OH has died, but what struck me was the uplifting message in the midst of all the sorrow. Im sure you are right, that the "essence" of the person is still there, just hidden by the disease.

Im so glad that you managed to see him, to be able to say your goodbyes, and also to recover that sense (albeit short) of who he was.

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
 

Chaplin

Registered User
May 24, 2015
65
Bristol
My condolences to you and your family. Those last days with your husband will provide much comfort to you all in the weeks and months ahead.

Thank you for sharing such a positive experience; it gives hope to all of us who’ve yet to experience the loss of our loved one who is living with dementia.

bless you, xx
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,269
Essex
Dear LadyM,

I'm sorry to hear about your husband and may he rest in peace. At least he is at rest now.

Hugs to you and your sons

MaNaAk
 

Hazara8

Registered User
Apr 6, 2015
486
My beloved husband died on10th July in what he considered his ‘own’ in the wonderful care home where he had been for 10months.I and our sons were with him constantly for the last 72 hours of his life.....
This was after two spells in hospital when he was deamied at end of life and we had to say goodbye via video due to lockdown....he rallied on each occasion I believe to enable us to be with him!
During his last week of life..., confined to bed as he had been for the last couple of months...His clarity appeared to return......and his usual sparkle in his eyes returned as well,
This enabled family to have meaningful conversations with him, be it only for a few minutes at a time....thus proving I believe , that the true person never goes, even with this horrendous disease. He died in and at peace......after we were able to say goodbye and express our love,

Thanks to all on various forums here for help, support and just being there for me during the darkest times......love to all who are experiencing the trauma of the effects of dementia in whatever form.....this forum is a lifeline...... thank you to everyone.
There have been many debates about what is often cited as "terminal lucidity " or a sudden clarity and normality of behaviour at the end of life, in particular with dementia.

I have no fanciful explanation because the human brain is extraordinary and we are still learning that we know so little about it. But l can say this. My mother towards the end of her life (Alzheimer's and Vascular dementia) spent the last month in a side room in hospital. I remained with her. The dementia was subdued in respect of behaviour due to other issues and much of the time was spent asleep. Hardly any food nor drink was taken in that month. My mother hardly opened her eyes at this stage.

On the morning she died and in the early hours , she opened her eyes and sat up in bed and spoke to me just as if she had been cured of dementia and everything attributed to it. It was an extraordinary if brief moment of actually having the mother l knew decades before in as much as she spoke without a grain of anxiety and clearly and calmly. Three hours later and she left this world and her dementia for good. I spoke to the Ward Sister and she confirmed that she had seen this occurrence before, this ' terminal lucidity . This is why in the world of dementia we don't just speculate on the " person " still being there despite the damaged brain, but know they are there and when fleeting glimpses affirm such, we rejoice at the wonder of the human spirit.

This is a very sensitive time for you and your family, but in sharing such a highly significant and personal moment as you have, you add great value to this forum and indeed comfort for the many who remain uncertain or apprehensive about dementia in a loved one.

With sincere warm wishes.
 

CWR

Registered User
Mar 17, 2019
186
I am sorry to hear of your husband's death, but you have the consolation of having been able to say a proper goodbye to him. Not being able to do this is distressing to many. My own mother retained some lucidity up to the end-she knew who I was, but when she was in her last 2 weeks in hospital she was mainly sleeping and even when awake was not very responsive. I had arranged a much-needed break and arranged for carers to visit her in my absence. I got a text while away saying that she had been sleeping but they woke her and she was chatting away about her life on the farm in Ireland and the calves. She was singing to them. When I got home and did manage to see her, she was unresponsive. I asked the nurse who said she had been mainly like that. I had been worried about her all during my break. What sustained me was that text, which reassured me, otherwise I would not have been able to relax. She passed away the following Saturday, not able to speak but she held my hand and kissed it. That precious memory has sustained me during the dark days. You will treasure those moments too, in your dark days. God bless.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,834
It is a sad time LadyM, I am happy to hear that you share times of lucidity it is a blessing. My husband had these too, we spoke quite deeply, I could comfort in that.
I wish you well, be tender with yourself. Alice
 

PalSal

Registered User
Dec 4, 2011
868
Pratteln Switzerland
My condolences @Lady M - I am so glad your sons and you were able to be with your husband as he passed. I agree with Granny G sounds as though he made a good passing. For this we can be grateful. Take care and please continue to share on this site as you grieve.
 

love.dad.but..

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
4,534
Kent
When most of the person's advanced stage of this illness leaves sad memories how wonderful that you and your sons now have this very lovely moment in time to add to the many good things to remember your husband by. So sorry for your loss and thinking of you and your family.