• Expert Q&A: Rare dementias - Tues 3 March, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of rare dementias. It will be hosted by Nikki and Seb from Rare Dementia Support. If you have any questions about rare dementias, they will be here to answer them on Tuesday 3 March between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

Christmas

carol4444

Registered User
Feb 5, 2014
109
Just wondering if the stress of Christmas impacts on people with dementia and makes the symptoms twice as bad? I usually visit mum on a weekly basis but this week my mother has phoned all our relatives to say she doesn't want me there -I am only going down for her money, I can't cook, I steal, I try and harm her, pretty much everything evil you can think of. I sort of coped with this (it's been like this for 18 months). but when she started slandering my husband and son I thought enough us enough and agreed to stay away Xmas day. This was what she wanted after all. All the food had already been bought and placed in her freezer so I ran around buying food for a quiet Xmas at home. I have just received a call from her to say "when you come down tomorrow, could you bring some veg". When I explained that I wasn't coming and that my brother was sorting out lunch she couldn't believe it and denied any of the previous week's shenanigans. She was really upset and wondered if I could change my mind and help her?? Not a day goes by when she doesn't upset the whole family. It feels like 'mind games'. Not sure I can put up with much more of this.
 

sleepless

Registered User
Feb 19, 2010
3,223
The Sweet North
I am sorry you are so upset by all this, but it really isn't 'mind games' -- it is your mother's dementia, and I'm afraid that the Christmas arrangements can increase confusion. Her dementia will also mean that she cannot remember the 'shenanigans'. Sometimes symptoms become more pronounced at a time like this, and things we hadn't realised were happening become much more obvious.
Unfortunately dementia causes people to blow hot and cold sometimes, and it can be difficult to know whether we are in or out of favour at any particular time. It' part of dementia I'm afraid.
Good luck with the final arrangement anyway.
 

eve67

Registered User
Jan 23, 2015
31
moon

There has been some talk on other posts in the past about dementia getting worse when there is a full moon - I looked outside last night and it's only a fraction off being full. Perhaps there is some truth in it.
interesting thought, I'll keep an eye on OH in this respect
Many thanks
 

eve67

Registered User
Jan 23, 2015
31
mind games at christmas Hope

Just wondering if the stress of Christmas impacts on people with dementia and makes the symptoms twice as bad? I usually visit mum on a weekly basis but this week my mother has phoned all our relatives to say she doesn't want me there -I am only going down for her money, I can't cook, I steal, I try and harm her, pretty much everything evil you can think of. I sort of coped with this (it's been like this for 18 months). but when she started slandering my husband and son I thought enough us enough and agreed to stay away Xmas day. This was what she wanted after all. All the food had already been bought and placed in her freezer so I ran around buying food for a quiet Xmas at home. I have just received a call from her to say "when you come down tomorrow, could you bring some veg". When I explained that I wasn't coming and that my brother was sorting out lunch she couldn't believe it and denied any of the previous week's shenanigans. She was really upset and wondered if I could change my mind and help her?? Not a day goes by when she doesn't upset the whole family. It feels like 'mind games'. Not sure I can put up with much more of this.

agree with sleepless - they don't really have the mind to play mind games though it can seem like they do sometimes. My OH keeps telling me to shutup and go away, and then asks for my help 5 minutes later! Maybe cos there's a lot more going on at Christmas they got more confused anyway. Hope it all works out.
 

nae sporran

Volunteer Host
Oct 29, 2014
6,362
Bristol
Just wondering if the stress of Christmas impacts on people with dementia and makes the symptoms twice as bad? I usually visit mum on a weekly basis but this week my mother has phoned all our relatives to say she doesn't want me there -I am only going down for her money, I can't cook, I steal, I try and harm her, pretty much everything evil you can think of. I sort of coped with this (it's been like this for 18 months). but when she started slandering my husband and son I thought enough us enough and agreed to stay away Xmas day. This was what she wanted after all. All the food had already been bought and placed in her freezer so I ran around buying food for a quiet Xmas at home. I have just received a call from her to say "when you come down tomorrow, could you bring some veg". When I explained that I wasn't coming and that my brother was sorting out lunch she couldn't believe it and denied any of the previous week's shenanigans. She was really upset and wondered if I could change my mind and help her?? Not a day goes by when she doesn't upset the whole family. It feels like 'mind games'. Not sure I can put up with much more of this.
I am sorry to hear you are having problems Carol. Denial is an unfortunate part of dementia. They just don't remember what they said or did, though constantly having to remind yourself of that is tiring.

Funnily enough OH actually perks up at Christmas and birthdays, maybe be the fuss and activity gives her a focus, then gets tired for a few days afterwards.
 

carol4444

Registered User
Feb 5, 2014
109
Thanks for responding everyone. I'm staying at home for Christmas with the guilt monster lurking under the laden plates. Mum probably won't remember anything of it in two days' time anyway. I'll be thinking of all the carers on Christmas Day. Have a good one.
 

DMac

Registered User
Jul 18, 2015
535
Surrey, UK
Thanks for responding everyone. I'm staying at home for Christmas with the guilt monster lurking under the laden plates. Mum probably won't remember anything of it in two days' time anyway. I'll be thinking of all the carers on Christmas Day. Have a good one.
Stuff the guilt monster. In the turkey. You are right, your mum won't remember what happened or what was said in 2 days' time. Have as good and relaxing time as you can. xx
 

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