Christmas

[Val_B]

Can I join in? It's my nan's first Christmas in her care home. ...This year, I'll go to her home. It will be different and the conversation won't be the same, but at least she is here and I'm just grateful I have another Christmas with her.

I'm quite looking forward to is. There are some 'characters' at the care home and I'd like to see them too. I'm sure everyone will help to make it a nice day for the residents.

It is nice to hear of someone who is feeling positive about a different type of Christmas, and of your happy memories of visits to your nan in the past . I have worked in a care home in the past, and enjoyed the Christmas shift very much!

...you're meant to be happy and your meant to be grateful for what you have, but it's often a painful reminder of what you had, lost, miss and want back

Polly x

That is so true. I've been reflecting on this and am trying to focus more on what is, and on enjoying the here and now ...

 

[nocturne]

Shelagh,
It was really good to hear a view "from the other side". I noticed last year that Mum did not seem to enjoy opening her presents and your experience has helped me to understand her problem. I know that the noise bothers her too, but it is hard to find a quiet haven whether she stays in the home or spends Christmas with the family. On the whole, I think that what you say suggests we go to the family as, at least then, she will be on familiar territory. Not all the residents in her home have dementia and as many are away at Christmas all the festivities will be in the main lounge away from her usual area.
I hope that you can find a quiet and comfortable place to relax at Christmas and that you get lots of hugs from your family.
Jan

 

[vdg]

Shelagh, thank you so much for posting your view from the other side.It has helped me to understand why my Mum was so upset on her last birthday.This was the first time I started to realise that something was really seriously wrong and was the beginning of her downward spiral from independence through being in hospital to living in a home.
Your post has helped me enormously as I prepare for Christmas and given me things to think about and perpare so that Mum will enjoy her time with us and not be frightened or upset.
We have already talked about how noisy the children will be and although I know she is looking forward to seeing them because she loves little ones we have also ensured that she knows she can say it's hometime at any time she likes.We've been practising this on her visits to our house for the past few weeks.I do have to remind her though! lol!

 

[Val_B]

Shelagh
Thank you very much for your insight "from the other side". I could see that Mum was very anxious during her birthday party at the NH recently, and that she felt responsible for everyone having a good time because it was her birthday: I sort of understood that and your description is also very helpful, too.
With Xmas approaching she is worrying about getting the groceries in, even though for the past few Xmasses I've organised this at her house (and this year she is in a Nursing Home). We are currently thinking we will have Mum round here for Xmas dinner, but this will be mid-afternoon and I know she'll spend the morning worrying about when we're going to arrive. Mum is aware of the season and wants to enjoy it to the full ... it's so hard to know what to do for the best.
I'll talk to the staff at the home, and we may change our plans (several times!!) ...

 

[lizzi]

hi, this will be my first xmas at mums since she's had ad.... im going to be with her for 5days and im dreading it.

i stayed with her last weekend and i didnt sleep for 41 hours.. needless to say neither did mum.

my family dont do xmas so no one other than my brother who lives with her will be there.

last time i steyed i tried so many thing to keep mum occupied but nothing seemed to work... has anyone got any ideas for me on how to cope?

this is my first time on the forum... iv read lots and gaind so much by reading the advise

lizzi xx

 

[Margaret W]

It will be different for everyone. We only had one Christmas with mum after she was diagnosed with AD. The Christmas before was normal, the decline was rapid in the following year. I worried that she would not know where she was or who she was with.

It went like a dream. One of her granddaughters collected her about 11 a.m. and she arrived to a sherry and a mince pie, as always. We timed dinner very carefully to be at 1 p.m. instead of the usual "when it is ready", and she enjoyed a good meal. A cup of tea after, and a dish of trifle and about 4 p.m. she said "Well, I'd better be getting back now", so I took her back to the home, and she told everyone she had had such a lovely day. I cried. It was actually the nicest (most worthwhile, I mean) Christmas I had had since I was a young girl.

Contrast that with a month later when I took her out of the home to get a new hearing aid, and after an hour's absence she thought she had nowhere to live and was crying and pannicking about it.

See how it goes, is all I can say.

Margaret

 

[Christin]

I would like to say thankyou, Shelagh too. FIL has never enjoyed Christmas or birthdays and your reply has helped me to understand why. He has never explained why he disliked them and we always tried so hard to involve him in everything we did, so that he didn't feel left out. Obviously a very different approach is needed this year. Best wishes to you.

 

[eire]

We are also gearing up for the first Christmas since my Mom went into the nursing home . Mom doesn't like to leave the home now ... she got very anxious after 5 minutes in my sister's house last week and wanted to go back to the nursing home. Thank you so much Shelagh for sharing your insight... it certainly helps to get an insiders view and we will try not to crowd my Mom with visitors/presents etc., over the holidays to try to avoid adding to her anxiety.

 

[ChristineR62]

I generally cook a Christmas dinner for us both from scratch, which inevitably means I spend all Christmas morning in the kitchen.

This year, I'm mindful of the fact that this might be Mum's last Christmas at home, so instead of cooking from scratch, I'm buying in things I can just stick in the oven, so I can spend time with her instead. We'll probably just watch the telly, cuddle the dogs, and have a glass of wine or two

I don't know what the situation will be next year; I'll just have to deal with whatever that throws at us at the time.

 

[NewKid]

Am I mad? It's Christmas as usual in our house.. with Mum too

I too am struggling with the dilemna of what to do and taking on board everything input here - my Mum and Dad have spent lovely Christmasses at our home for many years but now Dad's gone and Mum's in a new CH. Anyway, after considering much advice from relatives and friends (ignored) my little family (2 girls and husband) are bringing Mum to stay.. as usual. She's not local you see so we're planning for 2 nights (Christmas Eve til Boxing Day) which will (hopefully) involve quiet times (thanks for your thoughts Shelagh particularly) on the sofa, giving and receiving gifts, and an almighty amount of good food and wine. Also big signs on the loo door and me 'sleeping' (ha ha) with Mum to ensure she doesn't do as last year and set out upstairs to our neighbours flat to find the bathroom. Etc Etc. Etc. Yes I am worried about the capacity for oddity (eg dirty knickers stuffed behind radiators or down the loo) and disorientation and she might ask me difficult questions every/ all day (like 'where's Dad' as a starter..) But as things stand today .. we're giving it a go. Like you all, I just want my Mum at Christmas and hope I get a little bit of her back for some of the time. I really hope we all have a good time in our various ways - I'm sure this discussion will keep rolling!