Christmas is coming...

starryuk

Registered User
Nov 8, 2012
1,323
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I noticed all the leaves fallen from my oak tree onto the newly mown lawn yesterday...a sure sign that I should be at least thinking about planning Christmas!

What to do about Mum? Last year we brought her out of the CH for the day. She enjoyed it and apart from not being able to understand/join in the chat, acted fairly normally, unwrapping presents etc amid 9 other people.

A year on and I am not sure. She showed no sign of recognition when we wandered through the Christmas department at the garden centre yesterday. She ate her cream tea, but wondered why she was there and what she was supposed to be doing...

I just feel she will be totally confused and worried this year if we bring her to a 'strange' place, 'throw' presents at her, and generally all 'move around' constantly, making a lot of noise.

Then again, if Mum has one of those fleeting moments of clarity, she might be very sad to be eating Christmas dinner in her CH.

What do others in this situation do?
 

Moonflower

Registered User
Mar 28, 2012
773
0
This will be my mother's third Christmas in the care home. This year we will do what we have done in previous years and bring her back to our house for Christmas lunch. She still has enough awareness that she would be distressed if we didn't do this. But there is a massive gap between what she believes she can do and what she can cope with in reality. She will find people chatting round the table difficult, and she won't be able to sit through the meal without going for a wander a few times to "check things". Lunch will have to be on the dot at 12.30, wheras left to our own devices we wouldn't have sat down before 3 or 4 in the afternoon. And no wine for the cook as I'll have to drive her back....
 

yoyo

Registered User
Sep 22, 2012
80
0
I'm struggling with this woo and she's not even in one yet. if we do get a place in our chosen home in time = it will depend on how she is on the build up to the big day, her friends have always come to ours so for her not to be there is unthinkable - I think we'll just decide on the day - its a real hard one.
 

Timeout

Registered User
Feb 10, 2012
204
0
I noticed all the leaves fallen from my oak tree onto the newly mown lawn yesterday...a sure sign that I should be at least thinking about planning Christmas!

What to do about Mum? Last year we brought her out of the CH for the day. She enjoyed it and apart from not being able to understand/join in the chat, acted fairly normally, unwrapping presents etc amid 9 other people.

A year on and I am not sure. She showed no sign of recognition when we wandered through the Christmas department at the garden centre yesterday. She ate her cream tea, but wondered why she was there and what she was supposed to be doing...

I just feel she will be totally confused and worried this year if we bring her to a 'strange' place, 'throw' presents at her, and generally all 'move around' constantly, making a lot of noise.

Then again, if Mum has one of those fleeting moments of clarity, she might be very sad to be eating Christmas dinner in her CH.

What do others in this situation do?

We are in exactly the same situation. Mum has been in the care home for about 20 months - last year she came out for Christmas day too but was exhausted by the end of it. This year we are wondering what to do. The past few times we have brought her out to our house have been extremely confusing for her - she is clearly not happy being away from her usual environment and gets agitated that she should be 'going home', asking 'is my heating on?' 'I'd better be going' in fact the only time she is happy is for the 15 minutes it takes to eat her meal (which she loves).
We have children and we have had mum to our house every year since they have been born. This in mind the house is usually noisy, fun and busy Christmas Day and I think it will all be too much for her. But we will miss her if she's not there and I know I will spend the day feeling guilty to think of her in the CH - just in case she has a moment of clarity and realises what day it is. She is starting to have some toilet issues so if these have escalated by Christmas then I think it will help make my decision to let her stay in the care home for her Christmas Lunch.
Food is just about her only enjoyment now - the routine of meals at the CH is her thing - she will never turn down a coffee and a cake plus 3 meals a day! I know that she won't remember it is Christmas - everything is in the present moment - a second later it is gone.
We are leaning towards visiting her on Christmas Eve then perhaps bringing her out for a few hours and lunch the day after boxing day when we have settled back down.
 

Moonflower

Registered User
Mar 28, 2012
773
0
It sounds harsh but if mum wasn't aware I would happily leave her in the care home - they do a lovely Christmas lunch, visit from Santa etc. She won't really enjoy herself at our house - she struggles with lots of food on the table, loads up her plate, then decides she can't eat it all and tries to put it back etc etc. She will eat very quickly and then want to go back, and if I haven't finished eating will stand over me looking at her watch every few seconds.
But she expects to come here and would be very upset not to. I'll try to bring her round just before lunch is ready so she isn't pacing around asking how long she has to wait, and be ready to re-heat mine in the microwave if she has to go back early.

I sound so grumpy about it, don't I? It's partly that Christmas is a really busy work time for me, I do long days 7 days a week from end of November and only get Christmas eve and Boxing day off. It seems enough to fit in making lunch, getting presents organised and wrapped without coping with mum as well.

Plus Boxing Day is number 2 child's birthday...
 

Jess26

Registered User
Jan 5, 2011
970
0
Kent
Last Christmas we spent time with mum in her CH on Christmas morning. There were so many relatives visiting they ran out of chairs !
It was lovely as they had a visit from a Salvation Army quartet who had everyone joining in carols. We gave her her pressies and she seemed pleased, but 15mins later she didn't know why she had them.

Mum would not have enjoyed her meal at mine as she was hardly eating at the time. I would have been on edge trying to keep the noise down as she was sleeping an awful lot and couldn't manage the stairs to go for a lie down.
I had deliberated over it a long time. I think it was the right decision not to bring her to mine. If she was still with us I'd do the same this year.
 

kingmidas1962

Registered User
Jun 10, 2012
3,534
0
South Gloucs
We brought Christmas forward a day last year - its was dads first Christmas in care but already his awareness of what day it was, was pretty well gone - so we enlisted the help of the care home staff and he had his Christmas lunch a day early, with us, in his room - we opened presents and gave him cards and as far as it could be, it was very nice. The year before that I brought him to my house for Christmas lunch and although he managed OK it was incredibly hard.

His dementia (Picks disease) in HIS case has resulted in a case of him simply 'vanishing' - he doesn't become distressed, or have any unusual behaviour, he is just fading and communication now is non existent. He is settled in a lovely routine at the care home and we didnt want to disrupt it. I think we will do the same this year.
 

Canadian Joanne

Registered User
Apr 8, 2005
17,710
0
70
Toronto, Canada
I would bring my mother home on Boxing Day and would have our Christmas Day then. We spent Christmas Day itself with my in-laws.

Once my mother was in a wheelchair, we couldn't bring her home as the house is not wheelchair accessible. So we started going to the home for Christmas lunch. For 3 years, a friend and I brought in the entire Christmas dinner - from soup to nuts. We did this as her mother was also in the same nursing home and we wanted to have as nice a day as possible.

Since her mother passed away, we now just go for lunch on Christmas Day and then go to my in-laws. I think you'll find that you will change things as required.
 

tiggs72

Registered User
Jul 15, 2013
142
0
I'm dreading it - last Xmas dad came to us and we had no idea of his impending diagnosis. A year on and he will no longer accept coming down for food with us and the kids - the difference in a year if frightening. No idea how we are going to handle it.

Good luck with whatever you decide my heart goes out to you and everyone else in this dilemma x
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
5,678
0
Midlands
AS yourself this....

What will be happening in the care home on Christmas day and would your mother enjoy that more?
 

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