I have a dilemma about plans for Christmas Day. Mum went into a CH earlier this year, and seems to be settling well. She has mixed dementia, which is progressing quite quickly, and although she is still able to recognise family members, she is very disorientated and confused with regards to space and time.
In the summer, my mum was very poorly and given just a few days to live. This isn't the first time this has happened, but it seemed to be 'it' this time. We had the idea of booking a Christmas holiday in the hope that a change in routine may help ease the loss that we thought would be inevitable (having lost my Dad to dementia 8 years ago, I anticipate this to be a rough time of year).
Our family is small: I'm an only child with three grown children, no other relatives. One of my daughters is in the army and due to go to her new regiment in early January. This could well be her last Christmas with us for a while. Also, my husband works away but has two weeks off for Christmas, and my two other daughters have had significant transitions to navigate this year.
Mum has been seriously ill a couple of times since we booked the holiday, but rallied around each time. We therefore did not cancel the holiday, which would be a much needed break for myself and my family.
Mum is as settled as she can be in the CH, the staff are good and she appears well cared for. She doesn't know what day of the week it is, nor the month or year, and last week couldn't remember seeing the GP who had only just left her room when I arrived. She doesn't like us to stay long, and sends us away after 15minutes so that she can sleep.
The holiday is due to begin on Christmas Eve, until 3rd January. We could visit Mum on Christmas Eve before setting off. The dilemma is obvious: do we forego the holiday for the sake of a 15 minute visit to Mum on Christmas Day (which she may not remember minutes later)? I know that I'll feel guilty if we go away, and am also worried about whether in some unknown way Mum may register what is happening and miss us. I'm also concerned about what the CH staff may think....... Will I regret not spending what could be Mum's last Christmas with her, or will I regret more not having a good Christmas with my family....
Has anyone had any advice or similar experiences?
In the summer, my mum was very poorly and given just a few days to live. This isn't the first time this has happened, but it seemed to be 'it' this time. We had the idea of booking a Christmas holiday in the hope that a change in routine may help ease the loss that we thought would be inevitable (having lost my Dad to dementia 8 years ago, I anticipate this to be a rough time of year).
Our family is small: I'm an only child with three grown children, no other relatives. One of my daughters is in the army and due to go to her new regiment in early January. This could well be her last Christmas with us for a while. Also, my husband works away but has two weeks off for Christmas, and my two other daughters have had significant transitions to navigate this year.
Mum has been seriously ill a couple of times since we booked the holiday, but rallied around each time. We therefore did not cancel the holiday, which would be a much needed break for myself and my family.
Mum is as settled as she can be in the CH, the staff are good and she appears well cared for. She doesn't know what day of the week it is, nor the month or year, and last week couldn't remember seeing the GP who had only just left her room when I arrived. She doesn't like us to stay long, and sends us away after 15minutes so that she can sleep.
The holiday is due to begin on Christmas Eve, until 3rd January. We could visit Mum on Christmas Eve before setting off. The dilemma is obvious: do we forego the holiday for the sake of a 15 minute visit to Mum on Christmas Day (which she may not remember minutes later)? I know that I'll feel guilty if we go away, and am also worried about whether in some unknown way Mum may register what is happening and miss us. I'm also concerned about what the CH staff may think....... Will I regret not spending what could be Mum's last Christmas with her, or will I regret more not having a good Christmas with my family....
Has anyone had any advice or similar experiences?