Christmas Day at home or in Care Home

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by ElaineBT, Dec 24, 2015.

  1. ElaineBT

    ElaineBT Registered User

    Sep 30, 2015
    3
    My mum has been living at home with carers visiting 4 times a day until 22nd December - just a few days ago. She has been wandering out of the house at night and the Dementia Crisis Team found her a place in a lovely local care home whilst she as awaiting assessment for 24 hour care. The advice from the CH is not to take her out on Xmas day, I have been told they have a wonderful time in there at Xmas. I am torn in two, half of me wants her with her family, the other half wonders how badly taking her back to the home would be after she has been with us all. So what to do? We are close enough to visit her, or should we take her out?
     
  2. Chemmy

    Chemmy Registered User

    Nov 7, 2011
    7,593
    Yorkshire
    Follow their guidance and leave her there. She'll have a great time, with so much coming and going. She might well think she's in a hotel. You can visit her and also enjoy a normal family Christmas yourselves. Best of both worlds, imo.

    And DO NOT under any circumstances FEEL GUILTY :) Have a great day
     
  3. mumsgone

    mumsgone Registered User

    Dec 23, 2015
    879
    Hi, your mum would probably become become more confused and upset by being taken out of the care home. She will have a lovely day with them. would suggest visiting am when she is more alert as perhaps after her xmas dinner she will need a nap. You are doing the best for her and you will be able to relax more knowing she is safe.
     
  4. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    9,765
    Merseyside
    Take their advice. Taking her out could confuse & unsettle her.
     
  5. Toddleo

    Toddleo Registered User

    Oct 7, 2015
    412
    Hello Elaine, I just wanted to say that I am in exactly the same situation as you. following a lovely chat with the care home staff, we decided that, although mum's entitlement to six weeks free care in the home expires the first week of January, we are still going to let her remain there for the xmas celebrations. She is settled and loves the comings and goings of the season, but is not aware that it's xmas. Her 24 hour care will begin at home with us in January, so, after some soul searching decided to let her remain in the home for the rest of her "free" period there. we will visit her on the big day for a time, and then relax so we're good and ready for the very challenging care we will undertake in 2016!
     
  6. meme

    meme Registered User

    Aug 29, 2011
    1,955
    Female
    London
    I am sure Christmas would be enjoyed most by being with you...whether taken out or you visiting her
     
  7. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    My mums spending her first christmas in the care home. I have been fretying about what we would do. Christmas day came up in convrsation by mum and i asked her what she wanted to do. She wanted to stay where she was. Now i can stop worrying. She does not like noise and fuss. We will visit and dhe can stay with her friends. I would prefer if she didnt have dementia but thats not an option.
     
  8. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Quilty, I think you sum things up for all of us. What would we like best for Christmas? For all of our family members/friends to NOT have dementia.

    For what it's worth, this year is the first Christmas with my mother in the care home as well. As she is still able to get out and enjoys eating out (although I can see the day is coming, sooner than I like to think, when outings are not going to be feasible), we will take her out for Christmas Dinner (it's a long story why we won't be bringing her to our house) but mostly will spend time with her at the care home. We did this for (American) Thanksgiving and it worked reasonably well.

    She had settled fairly well in the care home but has been a bit more agitated the past few weeks, talking about "home" more, and I think Christmas has kicked this off somehow.

    Elaine: I hope you've been able to make a plan that works for you.

    Everyone, wishing you a very Merry Christmas, or as good a Christmas as is possible.
     
  9. onlyme1

    onlyme1 Registered User

    Sep 10, 2011
    105
    scarborough
    #9 onlyme1, Dec 24, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 24, 2015
    Christmas in care home

    mum and dad are spending their 3rd xmas there, I'll see them but not bring them out as dad's routine is a big comfort to him. main thing is that we spend time together. also mum really feels the cold and it spoils it for her when we go out in winter. mum's on front of current living with dementia magazine but hasn't really grasped it's her ... she would have been over the moon before dementia got its claws into her. x
     

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