Christmas came and went

patilo33

Registered User
Oct 12, 2011
255
0
Scunthorpe
Christmas came and went. Mum isn't here now to see this new year. Memories spring up at the oddest time like the spring cowslip in a shady part of the garden reminding me of how mum had green fingers. Just stick a twig in and it would grow. The guilt is lessening but still some breast beating going on. I miss her so....Birthday coming up soon. Visit to the cemetery with fresh flowers. She hated fresh flowers "they're a waste of money. They die so quickly.' But I want to show that I still care.
Big sister and I have been at loggerheads all our lives but now we cling onto each other. The emptiness has to be filled? Grab onto each other before another one is lost? I would never have anticipated how hard the loss is to bear.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,998
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72
Dundee
It's hard. Grief takes its own time and I think it feels like being on a roller coaster. I'm glad you and your sister are there for each other now.
 

DeMartin

Registered User
Jul 4, 2017
711
0
Kent
Christmas came and went. Mum isn't here now to see this new year. Memories spring up at the oddest time like the spring cowslip in a shady part of the garden reminding me of how mum had green fingers. Just stick a twig in and it would grow. The guilt is lessening but still some breast beating going on. I miss her so....Birthday coming up soon. Visit to the cemetery with fresh flowers. She hated fresh flowers "they're a waste of money. They die so quickly.' But I want to show that I still care.
Big sister and I have been at loggerheads all our lives but now we cling onto each other. The emptiness has to be filled? Grab onto each other before another one is lost? I would never have anticipated how hard the loss is to bear.
Perhaps you could sponsor a tree in a local park or wood, a living memorial to your mum, and one that will give pleasure to many over the years.
 

patilo33

Registered User
Oct 12, 2011
255
0
Scunthorpe
EEh..dear DeMartin...I have not had the strength or willpower to do anything for mum upto now. Tears flow too easily. And I berate myself for this lack. It's time to get my skates on and take action in many areas relating to mum. It sure is.
 

malengwa

Registered User
Jan 26, 2017
258
0
Let the tears flow, don't feel bad. It is hard, you will feel ready when you are. A tree or plant is a great idea, but only when you are ready. Believe the moment will come to you.
It's great your sister and you cling to each other, you have something in common which binds you together. I don't have that in my dysfunctional family.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
11,748
0
Essex
EEh..dear DeMartin...I have not had the strength or willpower to do anything for mum upto now. Tears flow too easily. And I berate myself for this lack. It's time to get my skates on and take action in many areas relating to mum. It sure is.

Dear De Martin,

I'm sorry to hear about your mum but you must give yourself time to grieve.

Love

MaNaAk
 

Marcelle123

Registered User
Nov 9, 2015
4,865
0
Yorkshire
I can imagine how you must miss your Mum. I have just lost mine, and like yours, she loved gardens and planting flowers and she was very good at it (unlike me).

I am going to make it my project, now and when Spring finally comes, every time I see a tree in new leaf or a flower, I am going to see it with Mum's eyes and feel united with her - the old Mum, before she got dementia, the one who loved gardens. I will use this meditation as a prayer.

This idea has come to me as a result of reading your OP, patilo33.
Thank you, and very best wishes. xx
 

patilo33

Registered User
Oct 12, 2011
255
0
Scunthorpe
i bought a lovely book today. One that I can use to write down memories of mum and include photos. It will be a momento for the children really. I have made a start. Each page will probably be tear stained.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
73,998
0
72
Dundee
i bought a lovely book today. One that I can use to write down memories of mum and include photos. It will be a momento for the children really. I have made a start. Each page will probably be tear stained.

That sounds a lovely idea!
 

Marcelle123

Registered User
Nov 9, 2015
4,865
0
Yorkshire
i bought a lovely book today. One that I can use to write down memories of mum and include photos. It will be a momento for the children really. I have made a start. Each page will probably be tear stained.

What a fabulous idea, and what a precious resource for your family. xx
 

patilo33

Registered User
Oct 12, 2011
255
0
Scunthorpe
Well, now that folk know about it I'd better get it started. No languishing on the coffee table. Found a map from 1852 of her birthplace in the Ukraine. (Facebook is a wonderful resource) Will start with that.
 

patilo33

Registered User
Oct 12, 2011
255
0
Scunthorpe
I can imagine how you must miss your Mum. I have just lost mine, and like yours, she loved gardens and planting flowers and she was very good at it (unlike me).

I am going to make it my project, now and when Spring finally comes, every time I see a tree in new leaf or a flower, I am going to see it with Mum's eyes and feel united with her - the old Mum, before she got dementia, the one who loved gardens. I will use this meditation as a prayer.

This idea has come to me as a result of reading your OP, patilo33.
Thank you, and very best wishes. xx

What a wonderful community here. So much love, care, compassion and support. IT'S THE BEST.
 

patilo33

Registered User
Oct 12, 2011
255
0
Scunthorpe
Its grey and bleak without music.
Remembering that mum loved to sing I forced myself to sing in the house.
Hearing a voice adds a companion in a lonely house. But the sudden realisation that my world had become grey without music from the time mum deteriorated and after her death surprised me.
A cupboard full of CD's sit gathering dust. The record player with favourite records going back 40 years has rarely been played. The melodeon getting squeaky. Tunes don't enter my head to bug me all day. Maybe its a way to awaken my soul by filling the house with music again?
 

Marcelle123

Registered User
Nov 9, 2015
4,865
0
Yorkshire
You play the melodeon? Get back to it - how I'd have got on without my fiddle in these dismal days, I know not! :)
Wishing you a world of solace in your music. xx
 

patilo33

Registered User
Oct 12, 2011
255
0
Scunthorpe
Sorry... nothing done with the book, i have to regretfully report.
singing....some progress.
Made some efforts and saw how it went before replying. (Well, i didn't want Marcelle thinking I did nothing about my issues now, did I?)
Sang.....went down like a brick...no soul, no depth.
Sang again....a bit more tuneful, but had to force it out ( no not constipated)
Melodeon out....still like the sound but only doodled.
Melodeon out again....played a few tunes but still bleak
Sang spontaneously and with soul...tune from school..'Land of the Silver birch, home of the beaver.' Driving home after putting the flowers on mums grave for her 93rd birthday.
May have turned a corner.xxxx
 

Marcelle123

Registered User
Nov 9, 2015
4,865
0
Yorkshire
Sorry... nothing done with the book, i have to regretfully report.
singing....some progress.
Made some efforts and saw how it went before replying. (Well, i didn't want Marcelle thinking I did nothing about my issues now, did I?)
Sang.....went down like a brick...no soul, no depth.
Sang again....a bit more tuneful, but had to force it out ( no not constipated)
Melodeon out....still like the sound but only doodled.
Melodeon out again....played a few tunes but still bleak
Sang spontaneously and with soul...tune from school..'Land of the Silver birch, home of the beaver.' Driving home after putting the flowers on mums grave for her 93rd birthday.
May have turned a corner.xxxx

Glad to hear about your singing - sounds as if the melodeon is ready to bloom again too! :)
Very best wishes. xx