Christmas and gatherings

[Charlie]

I am tempted to avoid this topic as someone was looking for research on the subject, but it is important so I'll post anyway. Would just like to nip it in the bud that researchers looking for information in this way can make members like me feel uncomfortable about posting!

Hi All,

Could anyone give any advice for christmas. My mum who I have a great deal of respect for has decided that she would like to spend xmas alone with dad. We would love to see them but must respect her decision as lets face she has to pick up the pieces when we leave.

As dads Alzheimers has progressed he has found it increasingly difficult to cope with large groups and now even small family gatherings seem to make him feel uncomfortable. Mum is concerned that the turmoil of the event will cause to much confussion for my dad and it will just take too long for him to adjust after the event. So it seems the right thing to do.

My question is whether other people have noticed this problem as part of the progression of Alzheimers and is it healthier to avoid these situations. Should we try and encourage socialising or take not of his discomfort. I think after writing this that I have answered the question myself, it is probably best to do what makes him comfortable. However, I would really be interested in other peoples experiences particulary at gatherings like christmas, birthdays etc.

Many thanks
Charlie

p.s. Please note, I do not want to have ANY contact with the copywriter who posted the thread 'coping with xmas' for research purposes.

 

[Izzy]

Hi Charlie - I don't know if I can be much help but I kind of find myself in a similar situation. My husband (who is 20 years olders than me) was diagnosed with Alzheimer's just over 2 years ago. I am lucky in that it is still very mild and he is responding to the Aricpet and some anti depressants. We do have some difficulties with gatherings and I do try to avoid any big ones. Often it is the thought of attending the gathering more than actually being at it that bothers him! I try to pepare the way as much as I can and we still have family get togethers. He may not be as advanced as your mum but he will no doubt get to that stage. I find it difficult as I may be a bit selfish as I feel that if I stop all social gatherings I will be cutting myself off as much as him.

I do hope someone can give you better advice than I can!

 

[Charlie]

Hi Izzy,

thanks for you advice and your are absolutely right that the carer needs to thing about themselves now and then, its not selfish at all. I keep telling my mum (dads prime carer) to try to enjoy her life as much as possible, but she does feel that it takes so long to settle dad down after a large gathering. I think that we pop in for the day and keep it all calm - its a really shame as my mum loves a good party

take care
Charlie....