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Chinese Water Torture

cris

Registered User
Aug 23, 2006
326
70
Chelmsford
Susan is still following me about all the time. Stands a stares at me. :eek: Asks have I seen where her mum is, walking around looking for her. Moving things. Pacing up & down. But this is sssooooooo frustrating......... she asks me questions without finishing the sentence and then gets angry at me because I do not know what she wants or is after.
I get "I told you what". Or "oh boll..... if you don't want to do it".
"Do what ?" trying to second guess what she is after. Looking in the same direction to see if something clicks with me.
I get "your memory is getting bad you should see a doctor". :) :) Time to change subject, diplomatic withdrawal or some such distraction.
I sat with her all day on Sunday, all day. Still had lots of unfinished questions directed at me. Fine until bed time. Toilet = no, wash = no, pyjama's = no, clean teeth = no. I did get her to take medication, I'm wise now. I do it when she is in a good mood. :D Susan wanted to go home.
"We'll go tomorrow, stay here for the night".
ok "would it be ok if she ..........." ????? If she what ??? "That's it you look after yourself. I'm going"
"ok I'm going to bed".
"F... you" banging of door. I've discovered something else Susan can do. Turn the lights on, not off, just on. House looked like Blackpool seafront. :eek: The unfinished questions are torture. I can not help or answer Susan it's frustrating me. The book dementia speak don't help. I know a cup of toffee = coffee.
Have to laugh. I wonder what it will be tonight. :cool:
cris = double frustrated :eek: :eek:
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,679
66
Toronto, Canada
Cris,
When my mother was still speaking & I couldn't figure out what she wanted, I would simply say "Sure" or "Really?" or "I guess so" or "If you like". Never mind if you don't know what she wants, you'll find out in a minute anyway. Hopefully Susan will have an answer that satisfies & she won't get frustrated & agitated.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,825
Kent
Dear cris, now that is really hard,

when you can`t get the full meaning and
when you are expected to be a mind reader,
when you are met with resistance and
when everything`s a battle.

When they don`t appreciate how much you love them and
when they don`t realize how much they hurt.

Take care xx
 

cris

Registered User
Aug 23, 2006
326
70
Chelmsford
I do say those things Joanne. It's just sometimes they are not enough or will not do. It's that time again. Does any one else experience a "clock" when nastiness starts in the day. I know it can be all day.
cris:(
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,679
66
Toronto, Canada
It's called "sundowning"

My mother's time started around 3 or 4 in the afternoon & she would be horrible & nasty till she went to bed.

It's quite common apparently. They have info sheets on this site about it.

The phase doesn't last forever, thank goodness. Just seems like it at the time.
 

cris

Registered User
Aug 23, 2006
326
70
Chelmsford
Thank you Joanne. I was not aware of that but did strongly suspect it. It (for me) gets worse as the day progresses. I thought it might be to do with sleep / tiredness.
cris
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
39,448
There is probably no connection but has it ever occurred to anyone that this restlessness might be another manifestation of restless leg syndrome? My mother had this before her strokes (never treated for it however) but could recognise what it was. After the stokes though she couldn't understand why she felt the way she did and constantly had to be on the move right up until the time she could no longer walk, and even then the legs were constatly moving from side to side.
 

zebb37

Registered User
Aug 12, 2007
31
salisbury
sundowning - schumdowning:(

bbad day yesterday. good night last night. ok day today. bad night tonight.

my fault tonight i guess. am feeling depressed and defeated.

would rather i was gone right now tbh
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,825
Kent
zeb, for what it`s worth you have my deepest sympathy.

bbad day yesterday. good night last night. ok day today. bad night tonight.
It`s the uncertaincy I find the hardest. Good day, bad day, good night, bad night, who`s to know when it will be good, when it will be bad.

You wake in the morning feeling fine, say one word and the fine turns to rotten, just in the blink of an eye. While you are still upset, he`s forgotten and is fine again.

How to read the moods? The $64,000 question.
 

zebb37

Registered User
Aug 12, 2007
31
salisbury
grannie g

so truer a comment has never been made. anne is fine now. watching her movie as if nothing had happened and i'm sat here a total mess.

i cared for my mother with cancer and brought up my sister. i thought that was hard.

i'm kinda bitter at god right now
 

cris

Registered User
Aug 23, 2006
326
70
Chelmsford
You have my sympathy Zebb. All I can say is things do change. I guess there may be a day when we wish for "the bad ol days".
Keep trying. I would say Anne appreciates what you are doing, even though she may not show it at the moment.
cris
 

Big phil

Registered User
Jun 27, 2007
12
East Sussex
done that...

Well guys I sit here and think what can I say to help as I can see so many similarities in the experiences you are having and ones I have endured. (my wife is now in a home).

It all seems so patronising but trust me just when one sits down and says to ones self..." I cant cope with this anymore" from somewhere the strength to carry on surfaces. I suppose thats love for you.
I think you are on the right track... change the subject don't confront, agree even when they are wrong if you cant divert, and finish off sentences for them...but with the ending you want. After all..mostly they wont remember what was said later, let alone what the conversation started with...
Now is this being nasty to a loved one or helping them cope ? well we all have to judge that for ourselves. Each persons coping strategy will differ from another's.
 

christine_batch

Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
3,388
Buckinghamshire
grannie g

Dear Grannie G, 21 years ago I was registered disabled. People use to ask me if I believed in God after 7 major operations, one when I was given 2 hours to life. Up until then I had always been healthy, coached gymnastic, worked with teenagers with problems, taught dance, on several Committee. I never blamed God just the Doctors who used me as a guinea pig. I still say my prayers each day. One special one I have is : God be in my head and in my understanding, God be in mine eyes and in my seeing, God be in my heart and at my departure.
I have met many people due to the nture of this terrible illness Alzheimers/Dementia, cancer etc., we do not know where it comes from and the most natural person we blame - God. I can understand exactly why people feel that way. A very wise Aunt was told me this is a time of learning. It is how we deal with it. The more I delve into Alzheimers' when the time comes there will be so many ngels in Heaven. Very best wishes. christine
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,825
Kent
Dear Christine,

I don`t blame anyone for any misfortunes in my life. I accept what comes, knowing there is always someone with more to endure.

`I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.`


Take care
 

sheena

Registered User
Aug 4, 2007
22
Hi Cris sorry its been so difficult for you -

Don't know if anyone else remembers a programme which was on a few years ago - and to be honest at a time when I really had no particular interest in AD although knew a couple of older people who had it. Anyway there was a pilot scheme being tried out somewhere in England and the gentleman was telling the story of what happen with his wife who by this time was in a very progressive and upbeat home (bet a few of you are saying where is that - sorry don't remember or as my husband would say "that'll be your short term memory then :D - what they found was that at certain times of the day patients with AD can get very restless and difficult to handle - they spent time talking to the husband and other members of the family and they found that the lady's most restless time of the day and most difficult time was around 3.00 pm - and on discussion found that at 3.00 p.m. when younger she would collect the children from school - the trial continued and at 3.00 p.m. they would get her ready to go out (coat shoes etc) and take her for a walk - this appeared to settle her down for at least that very bad period in the day.

Do things get difficult at any particular time of the day - if so perhaps you could look back to what may have happened previously around that time. Don't know if this will be of any help

Sheena
 

cris

Registered User
Aug 23, 2006
326
70
Chelmsford
Sheena, that's an interesting theory. I can not think what Susan may have done around 4-pm. Trouble is when she is in this angry mood / phase she will not do anything. It's no to everything. I still find it is best to walk away.
cris