1. chica

    chica Registered User

    May 14, 2008
    4
    London
    Hi -
    This is the first time I have used this site. My husband was diagnosed Alzheimers 4 years ago. Several of his golf friends now do not want to play with him and blames me for having told one of their wives that he has a problem. Sometime he goes into a rage accusing me of ruining his life and wanting him to day as well as threatening to kill himself... Any help on how I can handle this - it can go on and on - then he forgets about it BuT NOT FOR LONG..
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,642
    Kent
    Hello Chica :)

    I have had the same accusations from my husband who was diagnosed in 2005.

    In his fight for survival he blamed me for being a drama queen, for making him ill, for telling people about him, for attention seeking, for everything.
    I know how hard it is to live with.

    My husband now seems to be calming down a little, but he is still very resentful at times. It is based on fear I`m sure.

    It must be very hard for your husband to find he is losing friends. If he is unable to face up to his condition he will find it much easier to put the blame on you.

    These mood swings will happen over and over again. I`m sorry but it would be unfair of me to tell you otherwise. I have managed them by walking away. I tell my husband I am not prepared to argue, I am not listening to his verbal abuse and when he has calmed down I will be there for him. I then walk away from him and go into another room .

    Please use talking Point as much as you can. You will find everyone understands what you have to live through. It doesn`t solve the problem but it helps combat the loneliness and isolation.

    Take care xx
     
  3. Kate P

    Kate P Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    565
    Merseyside
    Chica,

    I'm so sorry to hear about your husband but hope that you find much solace and support here on TP. I have found it to be a life line - so much so that I really missed it last week when I was on holiday with no access to a computer.

    I think it is common for the sufferer to blame the carer - I know my mum blames my dad but to be honest she's never accepted that there is anything wrong with her. As she can't speak it tends to show itself in aggression and violence but at least she can't verbalise what she thinks to him - sometimes I think the words can be the most hurtful, especially when you're doing your best to help.

    As Sylvia says I think a lot of it is based on fear and anger - and who can blame them? Especially as your husband's friends seem to have deserted him - I think that's very harsh.

    Is there no one else who could have a round of golf with him or even just a trip to the driving range? I know it's been important to my mum to keep going with all the activities she did before such as line dancing etc - luckily she has good friends who have still rallied round to help her continue with these activities.
     

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