1. LW3199

    LW3199 Registered User

    May 25, 2017
    5
    I know it's a very hard topic to speak about but I have got to go see my nan this week before her funeral. I've never been to the chapel of rest and I'm scared but I want to see her peacefully.
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,747
    Female
    Scotland
    I like to think of death as a stage in our cycle. None of us know what happens next but there is a certain beauty to this cycle of life and death. Grandchildren are a big part of that cycle. You are carrying on her genes and her dreams.

    You might look a bit like her or behave a bit like her but you will definitely be part of her. Don't be sad, be grateful. You belong, you care, you are part of your family history.

    A sense of belonging is a wonderful thing.
     
  3. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,219
    Female
    Dundee
    I wish you strength for going to see your nan. I'm sure you won't regret it. I worried about going to see my husband but it was so peaceful. I sat with him by myself for quite a long time. I wasn't rushed by the funeral directors. I even had a chat with him. I gave him a kiss. I'm so glad I went to see him.

    Your memories of your nan will gradually become the positive ones of pre dementia times.

    Wishing you well.
     
  4. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,877
    Female
    South coast
    I went to see my mum in the Chapel of Rest. I wanted to go and see her because the last 48 hours of her life were quite harrowing and she hadnt looked mum at all.

    When I saw her she had been dressed in the clothes she wore to my daughters wedding and they had put her teeth in and brushed her hair, so she looked like mum again, only sleeping. You can stay with her as long as you want, talk to her and touch her - or not, whatever you want. I didnt want to touch her as I knew she would feel cold, but if you want to thats fine. I was glad that I had been and I hope it brings some comfort to you too.
     
  5. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,963
    North East England
    It's entirely up to you to decide if you want to go to say goodbye. I have been to see some loved ones and not others. I saw my first when I was about 12... some of my Catholic family side went in for the laying out at home in those days. There really is nothing to be afraid of. It will be peaceful. Nan might be a poor colour, not pink and rosy. Her hair may not be set the way she always wore it, but she will not smell, she'll feel cold.Her skin could feel a bit waxy.

    But she will still be your Nan. The one who gave you special hugs or read stories in a certain way. The one who understood you when no one else did. She will be the same Nan that loved you and knows that you miss her.

    I can be comfortable with myself, knowing that I did not go to see my Dad. I would not have gone to see my Mum at the undertakers but my sister needed to be shown where they were. I said my goodbyes to them when they died.

    Some get closure in a chapel of rest, some get that feeling when they attend a funeral and some never feel that their loved one has left them at all.

    So, if you go, don't be frightened, yes be sad but don't be frightened.x.x
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,103
    Kent
    Hello LW

    I wasn't going to see my husband but something made me change my mind and I'm so grateful I did.

    Seeing him lying so peacefully with just a hint of a smile still on his face gave me so much comfort. Indeed my reaction made our son decide to see his dad too and he got the same comfort.

    You must make your own decision whether or not you visit your man in the chapel of rest. Don't go if you really don't want to . All I can say is there's no need to be frightened.
     
  7. Flake

    Flake Registered User

    Mar 9, 2015
    222
    I went to see my Mum almost two weeks after she had passed away. She hadnt been embalmed. I am so pleased I went. She looked so peaceful and just asleep. I had a chat and touched her/held her hand and yes she was cold, but she was cold during the last couple of days before she left us. I kissed her and said my goodbyes. Yes it was sad but I am so glad I went and for me it was closure as I had to make sure she was gone. I admit I was nervous.... but it was my Mum and surprisingly she had a slight smile (done by the undertaker no doubt) and I left knowing that she was no longer confused and her struggle was over and she could rest x x
     

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