• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Changing rest homes?

Pusskins

Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
100
New Zealand
It is a long way to MH's rest home. He's only been there 10 days so is probably still in the settling in period. I know I could transfer him in time to a home closer when a vacancy becomes available, but I can't help wondering that if he finds strange environments unsettling, would it just be better to leave him where he is? At present, I can only afford to visit once a week, but if he was transferred closer, it would be twice a week.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,987
South East
For what it’s worth I think the deciding factor should be what’s easier for you , yes it may unsettle him but a longer costlier trip isn’t in your best interest either .
 

Blossom50

Registered User
Aug 22, 2016
19
It is a long way to MH's rest home. He's only been there 10 days so is probably still in the settling in period. I know I could transfer him in time to a home closer when a vacancy becomes available, but I can't help wondering that if he finds strange environments unsettling, would it just be better to leave him where he is? At present, I can only afford to visit once a week, but if he was transferred closer, it would be twice a week.
Hi I have a similar dilemma, my dad went into a care home in April this year. Prior to that he was being cared for by my mum at their home. Mum passed away in April and ss found him a place at very short notice. Due to covid, there was no chance or time to look for alternatives. He seems 'settled' where he is and I am currently allowed to visit and see him through a perspex screen. Mostly he seems settled and OK, but today he was really different. Hardly knowing who I was, asking after mum, where he was, how long he'd been there, where he was sleeping that night and all sorts. I found it a really difficult visit today. It is a 2 hour round trip to see him for just 30 minutes. He is also self funding and I know I could possibly move him closer to me but I don't know if I should. He seems settled where he is, but of course its so hard to tell. Today it struck me that if he moved homes then he probably won't realise he has moved, because his recall is gone and he already doesn't know where he is or why. In spite of this I don't want to move him, but can't explain or justify why not.
I think as carers we hope our loved ones will be settled in their new homes, but in truth they never will because they did not chose to be there and will always wish they were
in their own home. I suppose what I am saying is that you have to do what's right for you now. Sadly it will never be good enough and dementia has already eradicated what 'settled' meant because at its core dementia completely unsettles their minds.
 

Pusskins

Registered User
Jun 6, 2020
100
New Zealand
@Woo2 @Blossom50 It would appear that I won't have the choice to move him anyway. He is on the waiting list at a CH 45 minutes from here, but it's in a different health board area. (I'm in NZ). I rang them this morning to ask how far down the waiting list he is and was told because he would have to be transferred from a different area, those locally would get first choice. There are 28 people waiting for a DC RH, so it looks like that option is out. There is local one, but the dementia wing is so small with a very small outdoor area and needs a complete make-over, that I wouldn't put my worst enemy in there. They are not keen to have him back either after he punched a caregiver there in July while on respite. They would insist on a psychogeriatric assessment which to me seems to be a waste of time. If he needed permanent hospital care, then I would transfer him to the local RH, but not before that. Because we have to apply for a residential care subsidy I can't even rent our home out to pay for the rent in the town he's in, so there's no way I can see him more frequently. I feel he is already going downhill and I am an emotional wreck.
 

Blossom50

Registered User
Aug 22, 2016
19
@Woo2 @Blossom50 It would appear that I won't have the choice to move him anyway. He is on the waiting list at a CH 45 minutes from here, but it's in a different health board area. (I'm in NZ). I rang them this morning to ask how far down the waiting list he is and was told because he would have to be transferred from a different area, those locally would get first choice. There are 28 people waiting for a DC RH, so it looks like that option is out. There is local one, but the dementia wing is so small with a very small outdoor area and needs a complete make-over, that I wouldn't put my worst enemy in there. They are not keen to have him back either after he punched a caregiver there in July while on respite. They would insist on a psychogeriatric assessment which to me seems to be a waste of time. If he needed permanent hospital care, then I would transfer him to the local RH, but not before that. Because we have to apply for a residential care subsidy I can't even rent our home out to pay for the rent in the town he's in, so there's no way I can see him more frequently. I feel he is already going downhill and I am an emotional wreck.
I really feel for you, it's so heart wrenching to see the ones we love being lost to this horrible disease. It sounds like you are doing everything you can, and are facing a different barrier at every turn. Please don't beat your self up, give your self a beak, at least mentally. Some how someday there will be light at the end of the tunnel. He is at least safe for now. I know how much it hurts not being able to visit as much as you want to, but days and weeks pass so quickly. X