Dear Magic and Storm,
Being a carer is a position of huge responsibility.
It's exactly like being the boss of a small business, as you are ultimately the one who makes daily decisions, handles the finances and keeps the whole organisation ticking over. Without you to run the operation, the whole structure would collapse immediately.
If you agree with this premise, then perhaps you could also visualise that all the additional carers, home helps etc, are your 'staff' to whom you delegate various responsibilities during the week. They are paid either by you or the Govt to do their jobs according to specific guidelines set down by yourself or the SS, depending upon their job descriptions and roles.
In effect you are the boss of a small service industry, the function of which is to keep your loved one/s fed, watered, washed, clothed and as happy and secure as they can possibly be. In order to do this, everyone has to be aware of their function and duties and adhere to a strict routine of time keeping and job performance. You as the boss, have to oversee the whole shebang, which includes the tough bits like hiring and firing staff if they don't turn up for work are consistently late or sloppy, or start causing enough dissent to place your business in jeopardy!
Your ultimate duty is to your end users - your loved ones.
In this case, you have a CPN who is part of your 'staff' who is doing just that and has been doing so for rather a long time. OK, you can give her a warning or if you don't feel strong enough to do that you can apply to the 'Board of Directors' to have her replaced, which they will do.
I know this sounds a bit simplistic, but if you put yourself in the 'boss position' then it empowers you to act. It seems less like complaining and whingeing and rather more like a very sensible business decision.
It took me a while to get to this point. I figured out that I wouldn't put up with this from staff at Flamboyant and then decided to apply the 'boss' principle to administering our 'family business' instead of thinking along the lines of being the grateful recipient of any small morsel that the Govt deemed fit to bestow upon us.
Jude