I think you are going to have a struggle, we haven't changed one voluntarily but we have lost an excellent one due to movements within the system. The replacement while not bad is not in the same street as the one we lost.
No amount of asking or cajoling would let us keep her.
We only seem to have one for each area and if yours is moved out of that area you have to take another. The CPNs' are not allowed to work out of their own area.
I hope it is different where you are but I am not too sanguine.
Or as Bruce so brilliantly said 'Creating Problems Nationally'.
Our last one certainly did. When I returned from Bali last time, she was totally critical of the carers, although had only been here once during the time I was away]. She was also the one with the greatest negativity about moving my parents into the bungalow with me and pretty well cast a shadow over everything I or anyone else tried to do. After our last discussion, she has now decided to 'give my parents' to another CPN who was somebody that we had met and liked very much during the last few years.
Our 'new' CPN came a couple of weeks ago and was full of enthusiasm. Loved the house, said to both myself and the parents how incredibly well they looked and agreed with absolutely everything about moving them into the bungalow. A breath of fresh air.
Jude this one tends to try to cast doubt over all my decisions for mum, my choices have always been right for mum, she is my mother, not hers, and I have my mother's best interests at heart. She has done nothing she said she would do, she is lazy and always an hour or more late for appts here, and she has begun to make sarcastic comments to me then smile afterwards.
I have reached the end of the line with this smiling crocodile, I want rid of her, she is either my very best friend or trying to shake my confidence in my caring abilities, I think after 17 years as a full time carer I know a bit more about caring than her!
When she has visited I am usually shaking with rage, she is desperatley trying to get my mum into a home and says stuff like,
"Your father will probably die before your mum at this rate"
Very helpful that comment, just what I needed to hear in a day filled with hassles.
Back from the wilderness, for a short time anyway!
Re the CPN, it's quite easy, really! There is a breakdown in the realationship of trust, confidence, etc. How I dealt with it was after a particularly xxxxxxxxx experience I made a complaint in writing, measured tones believe it or not, copying it to all parties concerned: the GP, the consultant psychiatrist, the social worker and her manager, my solicitor, every member of my family. I meant business. I have seen neither site nor life of the woman since and she was substituted, by which time the damage was done and there remained no faith whatsoever in the services of any CPN. She did her profession a great disservice because am sure there must be some good ones out there.
My complaint detailed all those experiences where we felt she had fallen short in her duty in 'the best interests of my mother' (important that, as that is what they keep telling you they are there for). For example, that your CPN does not appear to be equipped with sufficient information regarding your mother's case ill equips her to address Mum's problems, as witnessed by some of your posts to TP. Her casual approach to keeping appointments and lack of communication, etc. Everything that has made you unhappy in your dealings with your CPN. Sounds to me like your Mum is the CPN's case study for her degree as opposed to a client of her case load.
Don't know if this is any help but if you can, get that letter off as soon as you can. They will have no choice but to replace her while they investigate.
You may recall my posts back in June when I was very annoyed with the CPN and I wrote a letter of complaint to the powers that be. I wasn't very happy to do so, because I hate complaining, but like you I'd had enough of being patronised and undermined.
This woman was the one who insisted that my parents would be far better off in separate nursing homes [ha!] told me that I wouldn't be able to cope with 2 AD sufferers at home and belittled everything I did. It was only when she started on the carers that I got really snarly. What she was trying to do was undermine my faith in the carers ability to look after my parents when I was in Bali. Fortunately I know them far better than she did and also had total support from friends and visitors to our house, who assured me that both house and parents were spotless during the time that I was away.
Anyway, we have our former CPN back on the case now and she is wonderful.
Don't put up with this rubbish Magic. Get her replaced!
I'm always afraid Jude, that in this very isolated situation that you live in as a carer, that maybe I am being overly sensitive, I have ignored many very personal comments over the past year by this person but now, after having sounded out some people whose opinion I respect, I find they are in agreement that her behaviour is overly familiar and unacceptable.
I am now worried that, God forbid something happened to me, this woman would have some control over what would happen to mum if I wasn't around. I don't think I can let this situation continue. It's hard enough being a carer and dealing with the terrible emotions of watching your loved one suffer, but to be made furious by a CPN everytime she visits is something I really can do without.
The one thing I hate about being a carer is the feeling of powerlessness, always afraid of standing on the wrong toes or making life difficult for ourselves or our loved ones, on the other hand, if we don't stand up, we just get more of the same. Life as a carer is too hard to put up with this sort of C**P.
Dear magic, Put in a complaint i am always the one that settles for the quite life but we cannot keep moaning to each other about the services we recieve if we dont stand up and tell them were they are going wrong, same as the lady from S/S said to me if people dont tell us when things are not working how can we ever change them, she also said they welcome complaints because it brings to thier attention were the system is not working.If i can do it Magic so can you. We are not powerless we can make a differance ive proved that,as in future the H/H that came to us will know what is expected when she does another sitting service.Small victory i know but a victory.Come on magic fight with me we need allthe troops we can get to win this battle. luv storm
Being a carer is a position of huge responsibility.
It's exactly like being the boss of a small business, as you are ultimately the one who makes daily decisions, handles the finances and keeps the whole organisation ticking over. Without you to run the operation, the whole structure would collapse immediately.
If you agree with this premise, then perhaps you could also visualise that all the additional carers, home helps etc, are your 'staff' to whom you delegate various responsibilities during the week. They are paid either by you or the Govt to do their jobs according to specific guidelines set down by yourself or the SS, depending upon their job descriptions and roles.
In effect you are the boss of a small service industry, the function of which is to keep your loved one/s fed, watered, washed, clothed and as happy and secure as they can possibly be. In order to do this, everyone has to be aware of their function and duties and adhere to a strict routine of time keeping and job performance. You as the boss, have to oversee the whole shebang, which includes the tough bits like hiring and firing staff if they don't turn up for work are consistently late or sloppy, or start causing enough dissent to place your business in jeopardy!
Your ultimate duty is to your end users - your loved ones.
In this case, you have a CPN who is part of your 'staff' who is doing just that and has been doing so for rather a long time. OK, you can give her a warning or if you don't feel strong enough to do that you can apply to the 'Board of Directors' to have her replaced, which they will do.
I know this sounds a bit simplistic, but if you put yourself in the 'boss position' then it empowers you to act. It seems less like complaining and whingeing and rather more like a very sensible business decision.
It took me a while to get to this point. I figured out that I wouldn't put up with this from staff at Flamboyant and then decided to apply the 'boss' principle to administering our 'family business' instead of thinking along the lines of being the grateful recipient of any small morsel that the Govt deemed fit to bestow upon us.