1. tealover

    tealover Registered User

    Sep 8, 2011

    I wonder if anybody who has ever moved their relative into another care home can kindly share their experiences?

    We have done lots of deliberating about this decision but have decided that we don't believe the current home is properly meeting Mums needs as well as there being several issues regarding respect and dignity. Most of the time Mum hates it there, although when she is more settled she says it isn't bad here....but that tends to be when she is in "hotel" mode. She has been there 15 months but has never really been happy.

    My only worry really is about the transition itself......how it was managed and were there any negative effects?? Anything we can do to lessen those. I keep thinking of moving somebody with this dreadful disease into another environment - although we have spent lots of time looking and talking and being in the home we have chosen and we both think that ultimately she will have a far better care there, with more space and interactions.

    And also what we say to her.......its hard to tell her the real reasons when she will only demand to go home anyway.

    Just wondered if anybody has done it and would be kind enough to share their experiences?
    thank you xx
  2. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    British Isles
    Hi Tealover - not sure what stage your Mum is at so my experience might not help or be a practical option.

    I took time off work and brought Mum home for a "holiday" - she had only been in the home for a few months and although the building was like a nice hotel I really wasn't happy with the actual care. I made a great thing of going out and about but kept reminding her we were just having a holiday. We had gone to lunch at the new home and met some of the ladies there and I had taken photos of the lovely views, the desserts and (with her permission) one of the ladies who chatted to Mum. I kept enthusiastically talking about it.

    By the time I moved Mum into the new home she had forgotten about the other home. I was lucky in that Mum accepted that I could not leave her alone while I went to work and she liked company, she also accepted my assurances that we would still go out and about a lot. It was still really hard and emotional to take her to the new home.

    Nowhere is perfect but I am glad I moved Mum as the care is better and Mum was happier, it was just too stressful trying to sort things out at the first home.

    Good luck
  3. Patricia Alice

    Patricia Alice Registered User

    Mar 2, 2015
    Hi Tealover,

    Try not to worry too much.

    We had no choice but to move mom at the end of July from residential dementia to nursing dementia as we were served notice due to mom's fluctuating aggression. We dreaded it, but the move was necessary. I can honestly say she does not remember the other home or ever being there. She still has not settled at the nursing home but I do not think she will settle anywhere as every day is ground hog day and has no memory of the day before.

    My mom used to say she hated the first care home and now she says she hates this care home too, so no difference. She just wants to live with us, or take me home, but she doesn't remember where her home was. I think many people experience this being said.

    I would have no hesitation in moving my mom again if we think it's warranted.

    I think your mum will be fine. Onwards and upwards.

  4. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    SW London
    We had to move an aunt from an 'ordinary' residential home to a dementia one, as her dementia got worse and she started to bother the non-dementia residents. We were very worried about how it would affect her, but in fact she barely seemed to notice it very much - certainly nothing like we had expected, and the new home was lovely. I hope it will be the same for you.
  5. reddollyfood

    reddollyfood Registered User

    Apr 28, 2015
    Hi. I have recently moved my husband to an alternative nursing home after I had raised concerns about his care in the original one he was in. I was extremely impressed with social services who moved very quickly to investigate and supported the move to a home of my choice. My husband was confused the first few days in the new home but he soon forgot the other home and he is very settled now - he has been there 3 weeks. The new home is so much better and I am very relieved.
  6. chrisdee

    chrisdee Registered User

    Nov 23, 2014
    #6 chrisdee, Oct 11, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2015
    Hi Tealover, we ended up having to move Mum twice, both for very good reasons.
    We have no control over the changes that AL brings. First move was when Mum asked for her own bathroom [1970's buildings often do not have them]. this was from a dementia specialist home to more ordinary residential. sounds strange but Mum was more 'home ready' as more institutionalised by then. Second home lovely in every way and we hoped that would be where she ended her days. However, a fall in the night and broken hip/hospital stay put paid to that and we were devastated when told that she needed a nursing home as things had changed massively. She ended her days in v. nice NH close to our family home, but back with old family doctor. Do whatever you think best, the best-laid plans have a habit of falling apart with this disease, sadly. Best to think flexibly rather than have rigid ideas like I entertained initially. All the best.

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