1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Ejay

    Ejay Registered User

    Jul 17, 2007
    1
    Long Eaton
    Hi,
    This is the first time I have posted to this forum , but I have been an occasional visitor over the last 2 years since Mum(73) was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2005 , and have found the forum to be tremendous support.
    Mum has been in residential care since August 2005, I live 2 hours away and I am her main visitor, I visit every Saturday to take her out for a change of scenery; it is still possible to take her out for tea, shopping, and visits to the garden centre but I am not sure for how much longer this will be possible.
    She is in a care home not too far from where she used to live - part of the reason was so that she would recognise the places when we go out, and so that her friends could still visit.
    As the VaDe has progressed she now has very little or no recognition of the places we go, though sometimes she does say "I've been here before" - sometimes I think she says it to fill the gaps in conversation! She has become very adept at making up stories to fill the blank holes in her memory with things that sound very plausible!
    Visits from her friends seem to have reduced, probably because although Mum still loves to talk it is quite difficult to make much sense of what she is saying and I think this makes it difficult for some of her friends.
    I am very happy with the care provided, and Mum seems to be quite well settled and has some friends in the care home that she spends most of her time with.

    I have found a care home between where I work (full-time) and where I live and which has places and will take her if I give the go ahead. I would be able to call in and see her on my way home from work , and would be able to attend any of the social events / relatives meetings etc , and perhaps a bit selfish - but I might be able to get the odd weekend off if I were able to visit during the week.

    I have huge reservations about moving her from where she is currently quite settled, and was wondering if any other members had been through a similar process and what the outcomes good or bad were.
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,719
    Kent
    Welcome to TP Ejay.

    Moving your mother is a difficult decision for you to make, and the pros and cons are about even.

    On the one hand, she is nicely settled, and you have established a workable routine.

    On the other hand you could see her more often, have a shorter journey and some free weekends.

    I moved my mother, but by then she was, or seemed, unaware of her environment. Also I moved her because I was unhappy with her home.

    Your mother`s condition is going to deteriorate, that`s for sure. You may be requested to make emergency visits in the not too distant future. It would certainly be easier if she were nearer to you, but no-one can decide for you.

    Take care and let us know what you decide.
     
  3. CraigC

    CraigC Registered User

    Mar 21, 2003
    6,630
    London
    Hi Ejay,

    I have just been through the process of moving dad from a dementia care home in bournemouth to a home in London. We were traveling 200 round trip to see him. He was in a brilliant home and comfortable so like you it was a very difficult decision.

    It obviously helps if you are comfortable with the new home and I'm not going to say it will be painless. How well it goes will depend on the stage of dementia and the personality of the individual.

    Yes it did feel a bit selfish at the time, but the advantages outweigh the hassle and guilt at the time. What I like most about the situation now is I can pop in and see dad anytime. I can also miss a visit if something else crops up knowing that we can always easily visit the next day. If there is an issue I can pop in on the way home from work. If I just fancy seeing dad because I miss him, again it is easy to just pop in.

    If you are the main carer you must think about yourself and the long term strain of traveling. You will be a better carer if you have the more flexibility for visiting and it will help you get on with your life.

    One of the best tips someone gave me at the time was not to worry if the move doesn't work out, I could always have moved dad again. Not ideal, but that made me worry a lot less about the risk.

    So in a nutshell, I'm very glad we did it.

    Hope that helps
    Craig
     
  4. cynron

    cynron Registered User

    Sep 26, 2005
    429
    east sussex
    moving

    Hi ejay.

    I moved my husband twice in 6 months i wont go into the reasons, too painful. he was fine did not seem to realise he had even moved.I think for him if he got fed and had a warm bed that semmed to be ok. The last move was very close to our home and that is where he passed away, i was very pleased he was so close as i needed to be with him at the end and my daughter and i were, and it was very peaceful.

    Cynthia x x
     
  5. forgetmenot

    forgetmenot Registered User

    Jul 6, 2007
    25
    London
    I was 200 miles away from my mother. After my aunties died the cousins stopped visiting her. I too placed her in a care home in her home town near where she was brought up as a child, across from the park. I was happy with the care, but as she has deteriorated with her vascular dementia and her physical stage - osteoporosis and the last break was her hip, I moved her to a home less than 3 miles away. If I am the only one caring why travel 200 miles was my reason. I know she is in good hands, it is a very good care home with quality of care. I am nearby and when she had an hospital appointment I could go with her. She has settled quite well, but still thinks she is in Yorkshire when in fact she is in London, but we just go along with what she believes and she is happy.
     
  6. Lucille

    Lucille Registered User

    Sep 10, 2005
    542
    Hello

    Can I just say that I've taken great strength from these posts. Although my mum isn't at the care home stage yet, there will come a time and reading the comments has helped strengthen my resolve for mum's (and my) future.

    Forgetmenot: You said "If I am the only one caring, why travel 200 miles."

    How right you are!

    Ejay, sorry to hijack the post, I hope you can make a decision that is in the best interests for your mum and you.

    Thanks.
     

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