Sorry in advance for the long post!
My mum (65) was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia last year and is unfortunately deteriorating rapidly. We made the difficult decision to place her in a care home at the end of last year after it became apparent that my grandfather could no longer cope and his own health was in danger (mum originally moved in to help care for him – only for the roles to reverse
). I work full time and live over an hour away, so can mainly only visit at weekends.
Mum hasn't settled well at all in the home and generally seems very unhappy and anxious. She has also recently become increasingly verbally aggressive – and has actually physically hit another resident. The social worker recently visited for a care review (which I unfortunately was unable to attend due to work) and mum told her that she hated it there.
I also have some concerns about the home. From what I've seen there seems to be little in the way of activities put on for the residents - mum seems to spend most of her time in her room, or wondering back and forth. Whenever I visit, most residents are sat (mostly silently) in their chairs and the atmosphere is very depressing (at least to me). Without going in to too much detail, I also have some concerns about the staff and the way things are communicated, as well as the way in which mum's own needs have been assessed and dealt with.
Anyway, the point of this post – the social worker contacted my grandfather today to say that a room has become available at another care home much closer to where he lives. Mum's current home also isn't far away, so we’re talking a 5 min drive as opposed to 20 min.
I've done some internet research and this new place looks pretty good and has a good CQC report from last year (but then the current home also looks good on their website and has a decent report from 2013!).
My grandfather is very opposed to the idea of moving mum, as he thinks it may unsettle her even further. She also still regularly asks about going home (even devising plans to 'escape') and he is concerned this will become even worse if she is closer. The new place is also a bigger home and he is worried will be no better – the grass isn't always greener after all.
I fully understand his concerns – I think the biggest problem is that mum is so young to be in a home and still believes she can live independently. The pessimistic part of me therefore thinks she won’t be happy in any care home…. but maybe she might be less unhappy somewhere new?
The big question then – do we move her? I've asked if we (myself and my grandfather) can visit the new care home this week for a look round. However, I'm trying to put together a list of what I should be looking for / questions to ask (we didn't get the chance to visit her current home beforehand, as she initially went in for emergency respite). Depending on that visit, I'll obviously also then have to work out how to approach the topic with mum.
Obviously, at the end of the day, only we can decide but I wondered if anyone else has had a similar experience of making this kind of decision? Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated.
My mum (65) was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia last year and is unfortunately deteriorating rapidly. We made the difficult decision to place her in a care home at the end of last year after it became apparent that my grandfather could no longer cope and his own health was in danger (mum originally moved in to help care for him – only for the roles to reverse
). I work full time and live over an hour away, so can mainly only visit at weekends. Mum hasn't settled well at all in the home and generally seems very unhappy and anxious. She has also recently become increasingly verbally aggressive – and has actually physically hit another resident. The social worker recently visited for a care review (which I unfortunately was unable to attend due to work) and mum told her that she hated it there.
I also have some concerns about the home. From what I've seen there seems to be little in the way of activities put on for the residents - mum seems to spend most of her time in her room, or wondering back and forth. Whenever I visit, most residents are sat (mostly silently) in their chairs and the atmosphere is very depressing (at least to me). Without going in to too much detail, I also have some concerns about the staff and the way things are communicated, as well as the way in which mum's own needs have been assessed and dealt with.
Anyway, the point of this post – the social worker contacted my grandfather today to say that a room has become available at another care home much closer to where he lives. Mum's current home also isn't far away, so we’re talking a 5 min drive as opposed to 20 min.
I've done some internet research and this new place looks pretty good and has a good CQC report from last year (but then the current home also looks good on their website and has a decent report from 2013!).
My grandfather is very opposed to the idea of moving mum, as he thinks it may unsettle her even further. She also still regularly asks about going home (even devising plans to 'escape') and he is concerned this will become even worse if she is closer. The new place is also a bigger home and he is worried will be no better – the grass isn't always greener after all.
I fully understand his concerns – I think the biggest problem is that mum is so young to be in a home and still believes she can live independently. The pessimistic part of me therefore thinks she won’t be happy in any care home…. but maybe she might be less unhappy somewhere new?
The big question then – do we move her? I've asked if we (myself and my grandfather) can visit the new care home this week for a look round. However, I'm trying to put together a list of what I should be looking for / questions to ask (we didn't get the chance to visit her current home beforehand, as she initially went in for emergency respite). Depending on that visit, I'll obviously also then have to work out how to approach the topic with mum.
Obviously, at the end of the day, only we can decide but I wondered if anyone else has had a similar experience of making this kind of decision? Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated.
