Changing a will.

[angiebails]

Does anyone have any experience of solicitors and the changing of a will. My OH has been talking for a long time of changing his will, but because of recent events it wasn't done as his psychosis was that I was out sleeping with various men and he took to hating me.
Anyway since he has been on the most recent dose of medication he has calmed down and is now very placid and has now put his wedding ring back on. As I am having to sort my mothers will it brought the subject up of changing his.
I phoned the solicitor and she mentioned his mental state which actually on decision making is not too bad as he still decides what he wants to regarding selling his belongings as and when he can't use them anymore. I.e. He asked me to sell his scooter the other day as he accepts he won't use it.
My main concern is that he has a son and daughter and they want the bulk of his estate including the house we live in and I would of needed to leave it within 12 months of his death. And I would think they would try to contest it so we need to do it properly.
Has anyone had dealings with this with someone suffering with dementia.


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[Spamar]

The house can be left in two ways, joint tenants or tenants in common. Joint means it all comes to you. In common means that each of you will your half of the house to, usually, children. But it doesn't mean that they can throw you out, leaving you homeless.

I would also question your OHs mental capacity. He might be able to deal with small things but things like a will can have many knock- on effects. I think a solicitor is needed to get things water tight, and prevent interference by children ( his? Not yours?). My OH and I left things as joint tenants cos there's no way I'm going to deal politely with stepson1! I have written of him elsewhere!
But if there going to be trouble, go to solicitor for will, make sure OH understands what he ramifications of his decisions will be.

If there's only a small change, a codicil will be OK. You can completely rewrite will, it can also be changed after death by executors if there has been some injustice or circumstances have changed. But, IMHO, you need to see solicitors whatever you
decide.

By the way, what the children want and what they get can be two different things. Don't forget, you have to live afterwards!

 

[angiebails]

I have the appointment on Tuesday and the solicitor wants to see him on his own to see that he understands, which he does as it is his decision. The only problem he has is communication and it is only me that helps him put the words in the right places.
I would rather her get clarification from the doctors if needs be as when he showed his daughter the previous will she took him to the solicitor to clarify she would get her share first just in case there wasn't enough money left. The house was far too big for me to upkeep and that's why it was being sold which I never objected too. But as I only get 3 visits a year ( Father's Day, birthday and Christmas.) I don't see why they should expect so much and after all these years of caring for his every need and the physical and mental trauma I have been through with this terrible illness over the last few years I want some security for my old age alone.
They confirmed with the solicitor that I wouldn't be able to stay in the house as I am of similar age to them and they wouldn't get their money until old age if I stayed in it.


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[cragmaid]

Can I suggest that you and OH write out a draft of what OH wants to say in his will. Then when you visit the solicitor you can both present him with this paper and he can question OH about it in private. This way the Solicitor can understand OH wishes and OH will not have to get distressed. If the Solicitor then accepts that OH has the capacity to understand what he is saying and signing, the correct will can be made.

 

[angiebails]

Yes I can write it. He is only making one change so he should be able to communicate this with ease as long as she doesn't complicate matters.


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[Kevinl]

Modern life is complicated, 2nd relationships, children and step children, ex partners and all the rest. If he can convince the solicitor he has capacity then they will let him make or change his will, historically that's the way it's been done, what qualifications a solicitor has to determine capacity is questionable but that's the way it has always been done. You may be as well getting written confirmation from a doctor or consultant that they too believe he has capacity even if you have to do this privately.
If your relationship with the step children is such that "they want the bulk of his estate including the house we live in and I would of needed to leave it within 12 months of his death" then it sounds like they're more interested in their "inheritance" than anything else, you included. If I ever heard my children say anything like that I'd change my will and write the grasping little **** out of it, it's a disgraceful attitude.
I think the situation could in the future be problematic so I'd get a fully qualified medical person who specialised in AZ to confirm he knows exactly what he's doing, essentially something that would "stand up in court" in case it ever comes to that.
K

 

[Spamar]

I'm sorry, I fail to understand. What has age got to do with it? I'm 16 years younger, but there's no suggestion that the stepchildren will inherit until I die.
My OH and his sister were the beneficiaries of their fathers trust for his housekeeper. Sis in law died a few years ago in late 70s, OH died age 82, housekeeper still around at rising 102!
Just puzzled.

Kevini, I'm considering doing just that, well OK, giving him less than the others, with one of my stepchildren!

 

[angiebails]

It's a tragic situation and beyond my understanding, they are just in mind that it is there right to inherit but I have been with there dad for 27 years built his business up so it was turning over a million so he could sell it and buy 2 houses which I then did at least 50% of the work to renovate. I have no shame in the fact that he should give me somewhere to live when he is gone and I am not asking for the big house.
I shall ask the consultant if he can write a statement as to his mental capacity to make this decision, and that is better now than it was before he started on his medication a year ago.


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[cobden28]

When my late father made out his will there was no question of him not being of sound mind at the time. Shortly before he died his second wife, who'd left him twenty years previous but they'd never formally divorced, died so the family home was then in Dad's sole name. His will, written when he was of sound mind, left the family home or its value thereof to my half-sister, his daughter by the second wife who'd walked out on him twenty years previous, with any money left in the bank to be split 50/50 between myself and my half-sister.

Shortly after Dad went into permanent residential care his oldest friend indicated he thought Dad might want to change his will and so as the legal next-of-kin I informed Dad's solicitor of this. Because Dad had gone into the home with a history of confused behaviour he had to be examined by a consultant psychiatrist to make sure that he was still of sound mind and therefore able to understand the consequences of changing his will. The consultant's report states that Dad was suffering from - and I quote verbatim - 'senile dementia to a marked degree', so he was obviously not of sound mind to change his will. The will as written in the late 1980's therefore stood and could not be changed.

 

[Kevinl]

I have been with there dad for 27 years built his business up so it was turning over a million so he could sell it and buy 2 houses which I then did at least 50% of the work to renovate. I have no shame in the fact that he should give me somewhere to live when he is gone and I am not asking for the big house.
I shall ask the consultant if he can write a statement as to his mental capacity to make this decision, and that is better now than it was before he started on his medication a year ago

If you're someone who "was living with the person who died as their partner (co-habiting for at least 2 years)" then there is a thing called "reasonable provision" which means you could contest the will if he turns out not to be deemed capable of writing a new one. I wouldn't enter into any discussion with his offspring (for want of a better word) but if can't write a new will ask if he has the capacity to marry, if he has marry him and get you'll get more of your rightful share, as a wife or civil partner you have way more rights. Don't tell the kids what you're doing and wait for the look on their faces if you do I understand the capacity test for getting married is lower than making a will.
K

 

[2jays]

No one is entitled to an inheritance

An inheritance is a gift that may be given to a child.

It may also be given to a charity if the person writing their will doesn't want their money grabbing children to inherit.....

Sounds like he has the money grabbing lot......

27 years married. May be Longer than his first marriage????

Words fail me well polite ones at their attitude.

hugs xx






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[Kevinl]

27 years married.

I haven't seen that said anywhere, excuse me if I've missed it. Hence my advise to get married. Sorry if I've got it wrong.
Other than that I agree with every word you say.
K

 

[Kjn]

I haven't seen that said anywhere, excuse me if I've missed it. Hence my advise to get married. Sorry if I've got it wrong.
Other than that I agree with every word you say.
K

Get married ? Does it make that much difference ?...not being funny. I'm not married , just wondered.

 

[2jays]

Ok. Fair enough

My assumption that being together 27 years is, or might as well be, the same as being married 27 years.....

Edited to add : not in the legal sense..... So if capacity to change will, has capacity to choose to get married.

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[Spamar]

Just reading 'How to obtain probate' which is to hand. (!)
I know we are not talking probate, but what applies to one thing will probably apply to others.

You can apply for probate if you are over 18 and
(Amongst other things)
Lawful husband or wife or civil partner. The surviving partner of a co-habiting couple are not entitled to apply.

And one I didn't know
Sons or daughters ( excluding step-children) including children adopted by the deceased. (Children adopted out of their biological family can only apply in the estates of their adoptive parents and not their biological parents.)

Possibly a good thing for everyone to know!
Probate is often needed to administer the estate after death. It's not always needed - I was hoping not to bother - and I have already done most of it, BUT OH had some ISAs which can now come to me still in their ISA wrapper. However, both firms involved need probate! Some firms are happy to see a copy of the will instead, but not these two. I can only hope that as this becomes more common, firms will loosen up a little - the measure was only brought in at the last budget.

Food for thought!

 

[marionq]

Get married ? Does it make that much difference ?...not being funny. I'm not married , just wondered.

Yes it does make a difference if your partner/spouse dies. My cousin aged 60 had a catastrophic accident and he and his partner of 30 years got married last Friday. He will not last another decade. A widow has more rights to finance than a partner. They have a daughter and he has another two from a first marriage. All these complications are made more straightforward if you are a spouse.

 

[angiebails]

Just to add we are now married and have been for only 3 years. I try not to think of my wedding day as I spent most of the previous 24 hours in tears as the now step children took there father for coffee the day before our wedding day to say he was rushing into it and shouldn't go ahead. We had been together for 24 years at that point. Then when he said he was going ahead they insisted he make an appointment at the solicitors first thing Monday morning to resign a will as his previous will would have been void and I would inherit. These are the sort of people I have had to contend with and you can see why I am worried that any amendments are not watertight.


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[marionq]

Angie they are heartless.

 

[Delphie]

Get married ? Does it make that much difference ?...not being funny. I'm not married , just wondered.

Unless things have significantly changed, a marriage invalidates a previous will and the new spouse gets an automatic right to inherit certain amounts (can't remember exactly how much) depending on who else is there to inherit under intestacy rules (which apply if there is no new will).

 

[angiebails]

Sorry Tim I have lost your comment. It seems to have disapeared before I could make notes


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