changes

[gerrie ley]

Hi every time I am depressed I come on to this site for support but firstly I read posts and by the time I have read them I begin to think what a silly self centered man I have become some of the posts are really heart tugging and make me feel very insignificant with my problems.As I hope some of you will remember my last postings and the slow progress of alzheimers my wife being in her fourth year.
In the past I have been able to leave Mollie for a couple of hours on her own whilst I went to the bank and such.Thats up to yesterday.When I returned from the bank there was a scruffy man sat on our settee in the longe with a pot of tea in his hand. I said to him who are you I dont know you and what are you doing in our house.His reply was your wife invited me in for a cup of tea I was gob smacked and went into the kitchen to sort my head out.On returning to the lounge Mollie was showing him out of the front door.I couldnt get to the bottom of it from Mollie as she had come confused.Next I take out my sons dog for a lunch time walk I picked up Charlie and made my way to the park and there he was sat on the wall looking at our house I thought this cant be left so I approached him and asked again what and how he had got into our house he said my wife Mollie came out and asked where I was he said I dont know and then he said Mollie said do want a cup of tea come inside.I let him know how I felt and told him in no mean way that I was annoyed and said it had better not happen again I then carried on with my walk and a local who I knew stopped me and told me that our visitor was well known by the police and had spent more time inside prison than out. Yesterday evening Mollie went to bed at 5.30 and came back down stairs in her knickers and bra saying the kids in the park want some sweets and she was going to the door with a bag full of Werthers of course I told her I would see to them.Now with these two incidents I am now grounded no more going to the bank or shopping on my own Mollie will have to come with me and sit in the locked car what are we coming too???????

 

[Skye]

Hi Gerrie

Changes indeed!

First of all, I think you should tell the police about what happened. He obviouslynow knows that your wife is vulnerable, and may be watching for another opportunity to get into the house. That's really scary!

As for the changes, I'm afraid this is something we all have to come to terms with. There comes a time when it is just not safe to leave someone with dementia alone.

I think you should be considering getting some help. Have you had a carers assessment? If not, you should be asking for one immediately. You should be able to get someone to care for Mollie while you go to the bank, etc, or just take a break.

Alternatively, might Mollie like daycare? If you can find a good one, preferably one that specialises in AD, they will provide good stimulation for her. John goes to an excellent one one day a week, and I also have four hours a week of carers coming in. John complains, but he actually enjoys the variety, and I'm sure it does him good. It certainly does me good!

You can't be expected to cope 24/7, and getting help now will help you to carry on longer.

Good luck,

 

[Grannie G]

Oh Gerrie, how I feel for you.

My husband has let people like the gas meter reader in, and opens the door to anyone without putting the chain on, but he has never welcomed them with an offer of a cup of tea.

This puts Mollie and your home at risk.

Would Mollie welcome a carer, to sit with her while you went out? My husband won`t but Mollie sounds far more sociable and less suspicious than he is.

If you could arrange this with Social Services, it might give you a break, allow you to do your errands at ease and give Mollie a bit of a distraction.

I wouldn`t fancy her being locked in a car by herself. It isn`t for me to pass comment on what you do and I hope you`re not offended, but I get claustrophobic and the thought of being locked in, does not appeal. What would happen if you had an accident and she was left in the locked car?

I do hope you can get some help. I wonder if there`s any chance she might need some adjustment in her medication, if she`s taking any.

Total sympathy Gerrie. I wish I could wave a magic wand for you.

take care xx

 

[gerrie ley]

reply

Thanks all for your comments I contacted the police and they said nothing could be done as Mollie had invited him in.Mollie wont have other people looking after her she knows no reason why she should be looked after The police did say that they had advised the residents in the sheltered accommodation to keep their doors on a chain or locked because of this man.Mollie refuses point blank to going to a day centre she says I am trying to get rid of her The actual business I have to do at the bank only takes a couple of minutes its the travel that takes the time .Today I took her to the surgery and let her stay in the car whilst I went in with our repeat prescriptions she was quite happy because she was with me.I just want her to be safe our family seem reluctant to help

 

[Grannie G]

I`m sorry Gerry. Sorry for making assumptions.

It is so difficult when you are on your own.

I should have known better than to suggest what I did, as my husband is just the same. He too thinks he`s well able to look after himself, and wouldn`t hear of going to a day centre.

You`ve been able to help me today.

I read so many posts about sufferers having home care or going to day centres, I thought my husband was more difficult than most.

You have shown me he is not alone.

Thank you.

 

[Taffy]

Hello Gerry
My mum also did similiar, my dad was in hospital and I received a call from the hospital, saying the surgeon needed to talk with me. Mum refused to come with me, she dug her heels in, so I left her at home. I told her the usual not to answer the door etc, etc. I was away an hour and half and on my return I noticed a chap across the street, writing on some sort of folder, we acknowledged each other, as you do, and I went inside. The next minute I heard the front door open and mum sing out, bye for now, your welcome to come again.I said to mum who are you talking too, she said, that nice man who came to the door, I said: did you open the door, mum said: of course, how else was he going to help me find a pen. That was the end of her staying alone. I do sympathize with you, it is very hard, but thankfully, Mollie is happy to accompany you. Maybe a little bit down the track, you may be able to introduce a carer, saying it is a friend, only a suggestion, that's how I got around it. But having said that, I also had dad at home to supervise mum if need be . We were given 3 1/2 hrs respite a week after dad came home from hospital and it was a blessing. I do feel for you,hopefully something will be sorted in the way of help. Take Care. Taffy.

 

[gerrie ley]

Hi friends

In a weird sort of way its comforting to read that other carers have the same problems as I have I am pleased my posting has helped you Sylvia.I always consider all sugestions given to me on this site as many of you are further down this dreadful road than we are It is a wonderful forum I hope it carries on giving us all day by day support

 

[Gill W]

We've had a similar problem with "stranger danger".

Mum went to Grans recently to find some paperwork from a utilities supplier on Grans table, she had let someone in that had tried to persuade her to change suppliers. We've had this issue before and have had to ring the current supplier and request that they ignore any future requests from companies to take over her supply. Scary when you think that the person who has been allowed in can easily detect that the person is clearly vulnerable.

This also applies to when she goes wandering, too. We have no way of knowing who she encounters when she is out and about and she is just the type of kindly natured person to respond to requests for money etc.

Very worrying.

The only thing I can suggest for not being able to get out to pay bills etc is to register for online banking so that bills can be paid from home? You've probably already thought of that, but just thought I'd mention it anyway.

Gill
xx

 

[Splat88]

This is a difficult one, and one of the first reasons we realised Mary had a problem, she was robbed by 2 young girls when one kept her talking in her back garden while the other ransacked the house, she used to keep loads of cash under her bed "for emergencies"

The one day, she told us she'd been talking to a nice young man in her lounge for a couple of hours, we never did find out who it was. Strange thing, when she does not remember we visited her every day and tells her other son no one has been for a week!!!!

Now, she's not sure if people who come to our door are friends of ours or not, so she lets them in anyway. Fortunately, up to now they have been.