1. #1 elwoodlpool, Apr 2, 2007
    Last edited: Apr 2, 2007
    i was reading a post on here about someones family member and it really hit home to me that my mum is going the same way. She seems to shuffle now rather than walk and when she looks at us its as if she aint focused. She does hardly talk now either and when she does its like nonsence words. Ive been feeling really down again about mum and other problems have been really knocking me down. I always hope that when i think about here i wont become depressed this torment is really getting to me now.

    mumdadme.jpg

    Here is mum and dad 2001 and me and mum 2007

    And its made me realise how much mum has changed. I can feel the tears in my eyes now,
    this is how it gets me all the time i feel pathetic.
     
  2. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Elwoodlpool

    You're not pathetic. Don't ever think that. You're a good son, who is naturally upset at your mum's illness. We all feel like that about our loved ones.

    What is different is that the emotion is making you ill, and you have to have treatment, otherwise you won't be able to care for your mum.

    Please look after yourself, you deserve a life of your own.

    Thank you for posting the photos, your mum was such a lovely woman. But she's so lucky that she has you to care for her.

    Love,
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,556
    Kent
    Dear Mark,

    Thank you for showing the photos of your mum. When you see how she`s changed in 6 years, it`s no wonder you are at breaking point. It`s absolutely heartbreaking.

    But that can`t be changed. What might be able to be changed is your deep depression. But only if you seek help. Surely there is an understanding doctor for you, who can appreciate your anguish.

    In trying to be strong for yourself, you will be better able to be strong for your mum. I know it might be too much to ask, but that`s really the only way you can go.

    With love
     
  4. I know i need help

    But i feel like im banging my head against a wall. I visit my Gp and get tablets and thats it i know i need someone to talk to but all ive heard off the gp is i would have to pay for it. And i cant afford that. i feel im at the pint of madness. Like today i have all the kids here and im in floods of tears one thing i always vowed was they would never see me like this but i just cant battle with it.

    Thanks again all

    mark
     
  5. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Mark, I can't understand why your GP says you would have to pay for counselling. He should be ably to refer you on the NHS.

    In the meantime, please try Samaritans. That's what they're there for, to help people who are struggling with their emotions. I'm sure they will be able to give you some support.

    Love,
     
  6. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,105
    Toronto, Canada
    You always have us

    Mark,
    Definitely try & find someone to talk to. But remember you have us here and we really do understand where you are, because we are all with you.

    Depression and guilt are the monsters we constantly fight. We will do our best to help and support you emotionally.

    That is a beautiful picture of your Mum. How old is she now? Yes, the changes from 2001 are obvious but she doesn't seem like an elderly woman to me.

    Take care and much love,
    Joanne
     
  7. twink

    twink Registered User

    Oct 28, 2005
    265
    Cambridgeshire UK
    depression

    I totally agree with what everyone has said Mark but don't spend too much time on depression forums or you might end up feeling even worse, you need to focus on the positive for yourself, not the negative. Samaritans is a very good idea if you have to pay for councelling or there is a long waiting list. You do need to get some help soon before you get anymore down. Anti-depressants aren't always the way either but they might help short term.

    Sue
     
  8. Linda Mc

    Linda Mc Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    1,881
    Nr Mold
    Have you tried contacting your local Alzheimer's branch sometimes they can arrange counselling for you?

    You are doing a great job in very difficult circumstances so try not to beat youself up about it.

    Love and hugs

    Linda x
     
  9. Alzheimers councilling

    Hi again all. There is an Alzheimers group i think near me in Derbyshire. I live in a village called South Normanton. If anyone knows of any groups near me i will go. Joanne the answer th your question is mum is now 52. I went out before with my partner and my kids for a walk across the fields to show the kids the animals and its as if i aint been out the door as im locked in my head with my thoughts and emotions. This site has helped me alot but i always feel terrible for posting on here. In case people think oh no not him again. Its a catch 22 when im worrying about money and my family straight away i think i wish i had mum to call now and that sets me off. I can honestly say i HATE this disease. Some of the lads in the band say at least you're mum is still there visually but i hate them saying that i dont know why?. And then i will get Mark "you have a good job a good family and still you're depressed. How can you be depressed playing to 100's of people on stage" I dont know that either but once i was at a gig in Bath and a little lad about 13 came upto me with his mum and him mum says to me "im behind him all the way he loves the Blues Brothers" And it was like i had been shot as thats what my mum was like with me. And after that i got into my dressing room locked the door and cried my eyes out. I know im not the only person in the world who has all these problems. But i still say to myself "why me".

    Once again thank you to all of you

    Mark

    Thanks all

    Mark
     
  10. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    Hi Mak, please, never feel that way. We can all recognise your situation and the upset it causes. We are all there already, or have been there, or are going there..... somehow the community of people can help each other.

    Take care.
     
  11. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Mark, don't ever feel that. We're all here to support each other, and if you need someone to talk to, there will always be someone to listen.

    We can't take away the pain, but we'll offer all the support we can. Yopu're in good company, we all hate this disease.

    Your mum is very young to be suffering. It somehow makes it worse that she has missed out on so much. I understand your pain.

    Mark, if you read the biographies of performers, and particularly comedians, you will realise how many of them have suffered from depression. It's as if they put so much into their performance, and when they come off stage they are drained and feel they have nothing left to give.

    Does that make sense to you? I'm sure you're brilliant in your band, but try not to get too tired. That will make you feel worse.

    Take care, and post whenever you want to.

    Love,
     
  12. Carolann

    Carolann Registered User

    Apr 19, 2006
    59
    Nottinghamshire
    Hi Mark,
    I know there is an Alzheimers Cafe held at Kirkby in Ashfield which is not very far from you is it? I think it is only held once or twice a month - I have not got the details to hand at the moment but if you are interested I will try and get you some details. I think it is mainly if you are caring at home, but when I was looking after my Mum they sent me details and said that I could go even if I could not get my Mum there. Just out of interest Mark are you a memer of the Blues Brothers Tribute band.
    I can see why you are upset - the photograph of your Mum in 2001 was really lovely, but she's still lovely 'cos she's your Mum.
    Take Care,
    Carol
     
  13. Spiggy

    Spiggy Registered User

    Apr 2, 2007
    6
    Gloucestershire
    Mark,
    I've only just joined here, but I felt compelled to say something to you.
    Thankyou for showing your photos. You have a difficult job to do caring for your Mum. But it seems as though you are doing really well in a difficult situation.

    I agree with what others have said about depression - depression can make you feel weak, but you're not. You are very strong to have got this far. Anti-depressants could help you, just while you get through this difficult time. You need to stay healthy as your Mum needs you.

    I don't understand why your doctor has referred you to a private counsellor - there should be counsellors available on the NHS, albeit with a waiting list. You could also try Samaritans, as others have said. Also, do you have a LETSystem in your area (Local Exchange Trading System - an alternative currency based bartering system) which could help you either with counselling for you, help/company for your Mum (so you can have a break), or babysitting for the kids? There may also be a Community Support Organisation in your area which could help.

    I think you're a brave man. There is no shame in asking for help. Carry on with the good work you're doing, but please get some support.
    Good luck,
    Spiggy
     
  14. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    And your children need you,perhaps more.

     
  15. Answer to Carolann

    Hi Carolann,

    I am in the Jake and Elwood Blues Brothers show. Based in South Normanton we have played the Festival hall in Kirkby. We play all over the place.

    Have a look

    www.jakeandelwoodbackstage.co.uk

    I hope im ok to put this link on here.

    Ive got to say my eyes are burning with all the crying ive done today
    and Carolann if you do have any details for the group that would be great

    Thanks

    Mark
     
  16. nicetotalk

    nicetotalk Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006
    155
    stretford
    hi edwoodlpool

    it is so haeartbrakingj i know my mu,m was 62 whem she passd away and the difference in some loved ones is just heart braking my mum looked like my nana whenshe passed i hope you take care of yourself thinkingof you

    klathy x
     
  17. Carolann

    Carolann Registered User

    Apr 19, 2006
    59
    Nottinghamshire
    Hi,
    I have checked out your web site - its brilliant. I think we have a storage unit at the same place you park your bus - its a small world.
    I hope you are feeling a bit better tonight and I will post tomorrow with the details of the Alzheimers Cafe - perhaps you will be able to talk to someone there.
    Take care,
    Carolann
     
  18. Carolann

    Carolann Registered User

    Apr 19, 2006
    59
    Nottinghamshire
    Hi Mark,
    I have found out today that an Alzheimers Cafe has been opened in South Normanton, when it is open I don't know but if you ring a Sally Plummer on 01246 222216 ( she is in charge of Chesterfield Branch) I believe she will be able to give you the details. I hope it will be of some help to you and I hope you are feeling a bit brighter today.
    Take care,
    Carol
     

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