Changes in Mum

Canadian Joanne

Registered User
Apr 8, 2005
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Toronto, Canada
My mother has been declining extremely slowly over the last 7 years, to the point that I have to think about what she was capable a year ago, two years ago to realize that she is declining. My sister only visits a couple of times a year and can see what I cannot. She was here a couple of weeks ago and pointed out that Mum is keeping her right hand closed. I can't even say when this started but keeping the hand closed seems to be fairly new.

Just yesterday I received a call from the home. Because Mum has become non-compliant with the one-on-one physical therapy, they will be discontinuing it. They normally stretch and bend her arms and legs but now they are very stiff. The therapists are afraid of hurting her or causing damage. I understand this, but it is also a further decline which is making me a little anxious.

Things have been so much the same for so long, I guess I thought it would go on forever. I even joked that my mother would outlive me. This seems to be the start of another stage and I don't like it.
 

Izzy

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Aug 31, 2003
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Dundee
Oh Joanne I'm so sorry to read your news. I know what you mean about thinking things will go on at certain stage for ever. It's a shock when it hits you that this won't be the case. Take care. x
 

Helen33

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Jul 20, 2008
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I too, am sorry to hear this Joanne. I remember how disturbing changes can be although I didn't have the experience of a long period of stability so to speak. I do hope that your mum stabilises soon and that the 'new normal' isn't too severe.

Just a thought re the physical therapy your mum has been receiving. I can understand that the therapists would be worried about causing damage if they continued doing the same kind of therapy on more rigid limbs but I wondered whether your mum might benefit from massages to her limbs instead?

Thinking of you as you tread this new part of your personal journey.

Love
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
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Kent
It`s tough Joanne, in some respects I`m in the same boat with Dhiren.

He holds his arm against his chest and it would be a battle to get him to straighten it for a massage because he just would`t understand what I was asking or why. The only time he releases his arm is to feed himself. Even then he will open his mouth hoping he will be fed.

The same with his seemingly permanently crossed legs.
 

Helen33

Registered User
Jul 20, 2008
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Hi Sylvia,

I was wondering about a less conventional massage. The kind that would gently massage the rigid limb without straightening it. Treatment on the joints involved might be beneficial especially if the patient is used to physical therapy as it wouldn't be introducing something completely unfamiliar.

Love
 

Pottypeg

Registered User
Aug 4, 2013
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Ashbourne, Derbyshire
My dad used to hold both his arms rigid against his chest, and complained very loudly when staff were putting him a normal button front shirt on. They suggested a polo shirt where they could slip his arms in and then put it over his head, this was tried and dad now raises his arms to scratch his face or wipe his mouth, the thought being that stretching his arm to put a shirt on was causing him pain, don't know why but this seems to have worked, before and after (his hands are in his lap) pics.
 

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BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
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Derbyshire
I am sorry to read this Joanne. We all know that this is a declining condition and yet is not easy always to see the changes. When we do its hard to face.
I am sure the staff around your Mum will do their utmost to keep her comfortable and as mobile as possible.

Take care x
 

Pheath

Registered User
Dec 31, 2009
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UK
Dear Joanne
It's so hard to see deterioration especially when it comes on relatively suddenly after a long period of stability. Dad's decline has also been quite slow, over 11 yrs, although the last year or so he's gone downhill considerably culminating most recently with a loss of his ability to walk which has been the hardest thing to witness. He has a lot of stiffness also in his arms but this is possibly because he might have Lewys Bodies Dementia which causes muscular rigidity. After a period though you do 'sort of' adjust to the changes, however much you don't like them. Having read others posts about trying a gentle massage am now wishing we'd tried this too but fear it's too late now. Do hope you reach a new level of stability with your mum & the dip is surmountable, nothing about this illness is easy - sometimes think it's been designed to test our mental strength to the v limit!
 
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Canadian Joanne

Registered User
Apr 8, 2005
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Toronto, Canada
I think the massage is a good idea and will check into that. I think another reason I'm affected by this is that in the last few months I have grown mentally very fatigued. It will be 13 years in January that Mum was diagnosed and we have a very spectacular and active first 6 years and not in a good way. But I've posted about that back in the day.

We entered calm waters a few years ago now (Mum was still fiery and feisty when she first went into her wheelchair 7 years ago) so I think I was lulled into a sense of this would go on.
 

jenniferpa

Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
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I haven't posted, because I don't have any advice beside the obvious, but wanted to just say I'm thinking about you, your sister and of course your Mom.
 

Canadian Joanne

Registered User
Apr 8, 2005
17,710
0
70
Toronto, Canada
I've got a call into the doctor to see if he'll prescribe the massage therapy. If he does, Mum has insurance which would pay $500 towards it per year. That's not much but it's better than nothing. If he doesn't agree with it, we'll just have to pay for it all. My sister and I have discussed this and think that massage is at least worth a try.
 

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