Changes in behaviour

[Careforme]

Hello, I am looking for some feedback, advice, thoughts, anything you may feel will beneficial on situation we are trying to deal with just now.

Mum attends day centre and has 1:1 sessions throughout the week. Today, we had visit from manager at day centre to let us know about mum's behaviour when she attends. Mum has alzheimers past five years now and we have seen many changes in her behaviour.

Apparently mum has been very rude, insulting and direct to others at day centre. Not wanting to cooperate, quite verbally abusive. This completely out with my mothers nature, she is a very small and timid woman. However she has been like this towards myself and my brother although now can't express any greater love and affection for my father.

Mum is not always like this towards me and does show affection although I am finding that she thinks I am some other person other than her daughter. I'd like to think I was A very patient person and can shrug off comments which does pull my heart and keep telling myself it's not her fault but it does hurt.

Day centre have discussed taking diff approach with mum and we gave them some very useful advice and tips to why or what may cause this. Recently experiencing double incontinence and a few other things.

I deep down think it's my mother showing her frustration as she finds it very difficult to communicate and hold conversations now. Although she may not remember what was said five mins ago, she is very aware of picking up on things and knows if something is just quite not right.

I could go on and on of all the things which have happened and scenarios. I know I won't be alone and my heart goes out to all of you experiencing such difficult times and would not wish for anyone.

Person at local carer centre advised contacting GP incase review of medication is needed for any aggression etc. Has anyone experienced this?

Thank you so much.

 

[AlsoConfused]

In Mum's case, a review of medication helped a lot.

Maybe ask for one for your Mum, on grounds it might help and even if it didn't you'd be one step closer to finding the real solution?

 

[MerryWive]

Don't the people at the day centre specialise in this? Surely they should have some ideas instead of leaving it to you....?!

Yes my mother-in-law went through an aggressive stage and kept being sent home from the day centre.... there had been one guy working there whom she liked and after she left she didn't seem to engage with anyone else.

She had aggressive stages, she also had overly familiar stages where she would go up and hug strangers, and very rude phases where she would insult everyone around her. I guess it just the disease progressing. It can be down to drugs, they can certainly help, but they can also make it worse, so it is a tough call. I think as you say frustration is often a big component. Also some non-descript physical discomfort - are all her clothes comfortable, has she hurt herself? It seems my MIL had a hairline fracture for ages and we didn't know because she was unable to say. You mention double incontinence - does she wear pads (or better the special disposable knickers) are they comfortable for her?

Another recommendation if you haven't seen it the book Contented Dementia is good for learning how to have conversations which do not agitate the Alzheimer's patient.

 

[RedLou]

Another recommendation if you haven't seen it the book Contented Dementia is good for learning how to have conversations which do not agitate the Alzheimer's patient.

But do be aware of what the Alzheimer's Society has to say about the Contented Dementia SPECAL approach:
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=1087

 

[MerryWive]

But do be aware of what the Alzheimer's Society has to say about the Contented Dementia SPECAL approach:
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=1087

Thanks RedLou, was not aware of that. Guess it depends on what stage someone is at and how important it is for their well-being that questions and facts are conveyed 'correctly'. We found SPECAL very useful but that was at a stage where my MIL was way beyond answering any questions beyond 'are you hungry' or 'do you need the loo'.

As with everything using your intuition and striking a balance is essential. Deceiving someone VS entering into their worldview in order to make them feel safe and understood. The difference is in the intention and compassion of the carer.