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Change of carer agency

Ton3

Registered User
Dec 2, 2019
63
0
Here we go again! MIL was on fast track CHC and as she has survived longer than they obviously anticipated the care agency we were given (2nd one as the 1st was just so unsuitable in many ways not least because they repeatedly sent out a male carer on every visit and MIL refused angrily to let him change her or wash her, I mean I know they can be short staffed but when you have a lady in her late 70's who had only ever been seen undressed by her husband you can understand her distress and upset, also there was a language barrier apart from very strong and rather aggressive sounding accents the fact they were through a mask made it even harder for MIL to understand instructions, she finds it difficult enough to follow our instructions.) The 2nd agency was a council run one and all female carers and even though some had accents they were softer and more easily understood so they managed to build a relationship with MIL and us and although MIL has the odd day or moment of refusal generally speaking all goes to plan. So today my wife had a call to say that as MIL is moving from Fast Track to full CHC they are changing the care agency and will inform us in due course of the chosen one. In this awful journey of Dementia it just seems another hurdle to cross with MIL having to get used to new carers not just one or two but a whole completely new team. More added stress for my wife to cope with on top of everything else. MIL has gone from being what seemed like the last stages of life to suddenly coming back to middle range for want of a better description as she is still bed bound and needs assistance with everything however she does not now seem at deaths door if you know what I mean.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
1,125
0
I sympathize with your MIL in this. It seems to me quite wrong to expect people to accept care involving undressing from carers of the opposite sex. It is humiliating for them.
 

Ton3

Registered User
Dec 2, 2019
63
0
Thank you both for your replies, The care that is being provided by the carers has not changed and neither will it so i really dont understand the idea behind different teams for different stages when the stages have not changed the needs? Also having regular carers for almost 8 months and then a sudden change of the whole team is not really helpful for the PWD or their family carers at all.

Yes we all know that there are very good male carers out there and are professional at their job however when its connected to personal hygiene and washing the patient I think the PWD still has the right to feel comfortable with what is essentially a very personal part of ones life.
Like I say with this journey you just have to get on and do the best you can as your voice is often ignored....
 

lollyc

Registered User
Sep 9, 2020
410
0
We had carers for 12 weeks, following a hospital discharge. The care agency actually asked me if Mum would object to male carers. I knew she wouldn't, and in fact she was fine (she could articulate fairly well then), but I appreciated them asking.
Personally I wouldn't have a problem, but I know many of my female ex-colleagues would be horrified, and don't even like seeing a male GP!
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
3,077
0
Dorset
It may be that the fast track are a special short term emergency team. The Banjoman had that the first time he was discharged from hospital until the LA put out his care to tender.
 

Ton3

Registered User
Dec 2, 2019
63
0
Hi

We had a private agency to start with on the fast track but as they didnt suit we were moved to this council run team who have been caring for MIL for 8 months, now we have been told that the team we have currently are for palliative care so as MIL has survived longer than first thought we are going to be transferred to another private agency, none of her needs has changed so the new carers will be doing exactly what the other carers are now doing so who knows maybe when MIL is considered to be end of life again we may be transferred back to the current team?
Thanks for your replies peeps.....
 

Ton3

Registered User
Dec 2, 2019
63
0
My wife had a call today to say new team starting tomorrow when my wife questioned male carers they said they would have to call her back (they have known about this since the beginning and advised several times since) They have just called back and apparently the new agency cannot guarantee no male carers so another agency is being looked for.....
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,262
0
Southampton
My wife had a call today to say new team starting tomorrow when my wife questioned male carers they said they would have to call her back (they have known about this since the beginning and advised several times since) They have just called back and apparently the new agency cannot guarantee no male carers so another agency is being looked for.....
i dont understand whats so difficult for the agency to understand that MIL wants female carers. i would never have male carers but would insist on female ones. its like they think you are being awkward. years ago when i had to have an operation in hospital, i refused and still do to go on a mixed ward. i didnt care i was mucking their system up.
 

Ton3

Registered User
Dec 2, 2019
63
0
Hi @jennifer1967
I remember when my wifes grandmother was in hospital and on a mixed ward and one of the male patients was always accidentally flashing himself and on one visit I literally had to pull his pyjama bottoms up all the way to the toilet as they kept falling down around his ankles!!
When it comes to having your private bits washed etc i think its understandable that MIL does not want a male to do this, even when told when we first had males coming they ignored my wifes request that at least let the female carer do the intimate areas and had to be stopped by my wife who luckily stayed in the room.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,262
0
Southampton
Hi @jennifer1967
I remember when my wifes grandmother was in hospital and on a mixed ward and one of the male patients was always accidentally flashing himself and on one visit I literally had to pull his pyjama bottoms up all the way to the toilet as they kept falling down around his ankles!!
When it comes to having your private bits washed etc i think its understandable that MIL does not want a male to do this, even when told when we first had males coming they ignored my wifes request that at least let the female carer do the intimate areas and had to be stopped by my wife who luckily stayed in the room.
i just think its wrong that you are made to feel awkward just requesting a female
 

Kph100

New member
Sep 3, 2021
6
0
Just an observation, - isnt it weird that its expected for male patients to be cared for by female carers but not the other way around.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
15,702
0
South coast
Just an observation, - isnt it weird that its expected for male patients to be cared for by female carers but not the other way around.
Are you by any chance male?
lets not get into the social politics of safe spaces for women, and why women feel it is necessary.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,262
0
Southampton
Just an observation, - isnt it weird that its expected for male patients to be cared for by female carers but not the other way around.
i think its because their mother then their wife cared for them so isnt as much of an issue although anyone should be able to state a preference about gender if they have objections to one or the other. i appreciate that men may feel unsafe with female the same for female and male.
 

Ton3

Registered User
Dec 2, 2019
63
0
@Kph100

I was only speaking from my MIL perspective as thats who I am helping to care for (even I as a close family member would not take care of her hygiene requirements and I always leave the room if I am there when carers arrive)
I feel its the same whatever the gender to be able to say that they feel uncomfortable with having their personal needs met by somebody of the opposite sex and I wouldnt bat an eyelid on here if it were a male being referred to so no I dont see any difference myself. Also I dont think its because its expected but because generally speaking in the Home care profession as in many others it was mainly dominated by female employees which has changed over the years to include Male carers, much like midwifery these days.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
1,125
0
Are you by any chance male?
lets not get into the social politics of safe spaces for women, and why women feel it is necessary.
I think as a male I wouldn't want that sort of personal care from a woman, it would be less embarrassing from a male carer.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
6,262
0
Southampton
to be honest while working, i washed both genders and i didnt think about it as anything other than the person needed to be washed. it wouldnt have matter if someone wanted a gender specific carer as i would just move on to the next one. i would never have a male due to my experiences and not because i would be embarrassed. but i think we are going off the topic a bit as the original post was the fact that the agency wouldnt guarantee to supply a female carer to a female client which i believe is wrong.