change in Graham

[barbie]

Graham has been in the home now nearly 4 months and the change in the past few weeks is frightening.He still has mood swings changing from very pleasant to shouting and swearing at me in a flash still totally unpredictable.Is also regressing, the other day he was only 14, and when I tried to encourage him to eat a little more he said that he had enough to eat as he was only a young boy.talks about ships, he was in the navy,and seems to have imaginary friends.he is constantly asking if we are going to kill him, somedays he is any age between 14 and 17 sometimes he does not stop talking and it is all about the same things over and over again. This is now everyday not the odd day and is very upsetting,some days I leave in tears and somedays with a detached feeling. That feeling is not very nice,but we are now living in two different worlds and the old Graham is hardly ever there. We do get the occasional lucid comment,and he senses if i am having a bad day.
Our son was home for Xmas from New York grahams eyes lit up when he walked into his room and asked how long he as staying and when was he going back.yesterday he said the I did not like him anymore, do nothing for him and was a lazy... and that I had a boyfriend(as if I need any more stress in my life).
Is all this typical and what is the best way of dealing with it. Do you along with his conversation,and what about my own feelings.I am feeling the distance between us and find that hard to accept.How have other people coped, advice please?
Barbie

 

[TinaT]

I too experience some of the distressing behaviour you have mentioned Barbie when I visit my husband. On the very few occasions when my brother in law graces Ken with a visit Ken always tells him that I have left him and that we are getting a divorce. Ken very often lives in the time when he was in his 40's and working. This time of his life seems to be his major obesssion, perhaps because it was a particularly happy and successful time of his life. xx TinaT.

 

[BeckyJan]

Hello Barbie:
It is very sad to read your post but I am sure you will get some very helpful advice here.

We all seem to have different things to handle and in my case they go in phases. Generally I go along with the flow of the conversation, just always trying to be sympathetic and understanding. When I was accused of having an affair (a few yrs ago now) - then I did protest loudly and angrily - it did the trick as it has never happened again. (As you say as if we wanted more stress - an affair is and was the last thing on my mind).

So somehow it is a balancing trick - going with the flow and just occasionally standing up for yourself (and that will only have effect for as long as it is remembered).

I know what you mean about the distance between you. It is horrid especially, as in our case, we have been soulmates, friends and lovers - and now I am just caring for someone who needs me so very much (I still love him to bits but not sure why).

I do hope you get extra support and understanding here. It will not go away but it will help knowing that others are experiencing much the same.

Take care Jan

 

[christine_batch]

Dear barbie,
I can understand your feelings very well. With Peter he was back in the past on one occassion in particular, whereby I had just gone round to the Chemist. Only gone about 20 minutes. When I got back he accussed me of having an affair. I just burst into tears and I told him quite firmly that he had me mixed up with his ex who he divorced for adultery. When Peter was placed in E.M.I. Unit in May, recognition was there until 3 weeks ago and I saw that I had lost him 100%. I left completly devestated. Peter is 62 are the decline has been so rapid and knowing I could no longer do anything to help him.
So my heart goes out to you and the only thing that kept me going was it is the illness and inside my sould mate was.
Sending you a big hug. Take care of yourself. Very best wishes. Christine

 

[barbie]

Thanks Tina Beckyjan and Christine for your replies,I have tried the firm stance but this upsets Graham he apologises and then goes on for ages that Barbara told him off, and he will try to be a good boy, which is just as upsetting as the original comment...... as for conversation it is not always easy to keep it up, and if I am quiet he will say Barbaras asleep, or Barbaras gone even though I am sitting next to him. sadly sometimes I lose patience and do a crossword or read the paper then the "I may as well kill myself or barbaras going to kill me tomorrow" starts so I go along with that saying that i will bring my gun next day, sometimes that has the desired effect. Will try to remember advice when I visit tomorrow
barbie