CH neglecting my fathers hygiene because of his behaviour - advice needed

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by KittyBoo, Jul 10, 2014.

  1. KittyBoo

    KittyBoo Registered User

    Mar 2, 2012
    My 84 year old father is in a specialist dementia care home. He moved in last October after he was found wandering the streets and his dementia has rapidly developed since he moved in (which we had expected).
    However lately he is refusing to let the carers shower him or change his nappies (apparently he gets angry when they try). He is very calm and gentle at all other times.

    There have now been several occasions over the last couple of months where he has been left in the same soiled nappy for several days, which has resulted in infections. Yesterday we visited and found him extremely agitated with several days worth of hardened faeces stuck and blocking his passage (apologies for the graphic description) which took my poor brother a long time to remove for him. The carers simply said they can't force a nappy change on him, so they just leave him, and if his behaviour continues this way they may insist he moves out.

    I find this utterly disgraceful! I understand their difficulties, but doing nothing and leaving him to fester in his own filth is not an option - surely this is neglect?
    We have told them before that they should either call one of us, call a doctor, or both, if they're struggling with him. Give us the opportunity to do something about it, rather than give up and leave him. We only find out about any problems when we visit and we're left having to shower and clean him up.

    Now we're very worried about his care. He is self funded and the care home isn't cheap - we thought he was paying for the best care in a specialist unit used to dealing with this sort of thing.

    Has anyone been through a similar situation and what did you do?
    Any advice on what steps we should take?
  2. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    I can fully understand your position. It must be a very serious worry for your family. In my opinion this is indeed neglect. When a person refuses something which is in their own best interest, then usually a 'Best Interest Meeting' is arranged. This comprises of the doctor, a senior nurse or CPN, the care home manager and a designated relative. If all agree that whatever is being refused is needed for proper care of the person, then it can be decided that the action must be taken - ie: your father must be kept clean even if it is against his wishes.

    I would ask that a Best Interest meeting is arranged by the Care Home Manager as soon as possible to resolve this terrible situation. If this causes the manager problems and she either refuses or procrastinates then I would inform Social Services that you are moving dad to another home because of neglect.

    Don't allow this situation to continue! You have my utmost sympathy and understanding in this awful situation.

  3. KittyBoo

    KittyBoo Registered User

    Mar 2, 2012
    Thank you so much Tina.
    I'd never heard of a best interest meeting but this makes perfect sense (surprised the care home hasn't suggested it to be honest).
    Really glad I posted as we are all very worried!
  4. dilne

    dilne Registered User

    Mar 1, 2014
    I am sorry I don't have the experience to guide you but another TPer will be along soon who will be able to give you some advice.
    I am so sorry for you your brother and most of all your father. It absolutely sounds like neglect to me and probably abuse. I am disgusted at their lack of care.
    I desperately hope you can get some help immediately.

    Sent from my GT-S6810P using Talking Point mobile app
  5. Wolfsgirl

    Wolfsgirl Registered User

    How appalling! Poor man - makes me wonder what the CQC would think of this inhumane treatment especially when you have said to call on family for help?

    I would also get gp involved.

    Keep posting with any progress or news as it may help others...

    Good luck x
  6. KittyBoo

    KittyBoo Registered User

    Mar 2, 2012
    I will let you know what happens - thanks all for your comments.
    We've been in touch with his doctor who has now been out to see him. Waiting on a call back to find out what's next (sounds like he might prescribe something to calm him down at shower / change times)
  7. steviep

    steviep Registered User

    Dec 11, 2012
    I'm really sorry to hear what is happening with your father and I hope you get it sorted quickly.

    I'm dealing with a slightly similar situation with my mum but it's nowhere near as bad as yours, just a few minor issues regarding hygiene and personal care which I've started to address today by speaking with the CH manager, so hopefully things will start to improve soon.

    Good luck.
  8. VickyG

    VickyG Registered User

    Feb 6, 2013
    Neglect and Abuse.

    Exactly as TinaT has said.
    This is clearly a case of neglect and abuse. I feel so sorry for all concerned.
    I had similar goings on with my mum around a year or so ago. I took mum out of care and she lives with myself and my family. Please let us know how it goes.
    Vicky x
  9. jellyfish

    jellyfish Registered User

    Apr 30, 2014
    West Midlands
    You would think common sense would make them realise it's so wrong to leave someone like that. It's shocking treatment for your poor father and it's fortunate he has you and your brother to do something about it. Pity the poor souls who have no voice xxx
  10. Pringle

    Pringle Registered User

    Dec 22, 2013
    I agree, you mustn't let this continue. Like StevieP, I have had to point out to the CH that mum needs personal care. She gets overlooked as she is physically able to wash and dress herself but the fact is she doesn't wash where she needs to and wears dirty underwear. She doesn't like being assisted and she's feisty but needs encouragement. Your father is at a totally different level and certainly shouldn't be left in soiled, that's awful:(
  11. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    All CH's should be able to overcome these difficulties. My OH is unable to do any of his own personal care or decide what to wear. He is assisted by two carers one at the front and one at the back. The one at the front makes eye contact with him while the other one does the washing etc. Pete receives a full wash everyday-especially in the areas where extra washing is needed (doubly incontinent) Pete is not bathed at the moment because he is so sleepy he never stays awake long enough for that to happen. He does however look extremely clean.

    Changing a pad is very important to stop skin breakdown. I think that you should push for a meeting.

    Take care

    Lyn T
  12. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    Gosh, of course this is neglect and abuse! You can bet your boots if your dad was being cared for at home by you, and you didn't change his pads for a few days, and he was found to be in that state, you'd have Social Services down on you like a ton of bricks and probably find yourself being charged with abuse! My husband is quite resistant to personal care, and at times can get very aggresive about it. At one point, I told the CPN that if he goes for me again when I'm changing his pads, I'm just going to leave it, and he can jolly stay in the wet pad. Her response was "Oh you can't do that - that would be neglect! You'd have the Social Worker down on your back." And that was me, on my own, trying to deal with a very aggressive man who weighs several stone more than me and is extremely strong when he gets worked up about personal care. And a care home, having several staff on hand to deal with it, can't manage? They need to address their training and policies!
  13. wobbly

    wobbly Registered User

    Feb 14, 2012
    Mid Wales
    Tina.....we are in exactly the same position but forward a bit. From dad going into residential care they insisted that him being doubly incontinent was not a problem. He is just like your dad and the care home said they couldn't cope with him, we gave lots of tips, how to get on the right side of him etc but because there were so many different people looking after him it was not consistent. We had his assessed by the memory team cpn and she said his needs weren't being met and he needed emi nursing we have found a lovely home that seems to have happy residents, chickens outside, a talking bird inside, and a rabbit and guinea pig outside in the garden where they grow tomatoes and alsorts but basically can get out into the garden when they want...Dad is fully funded by social services so we still had contact with them.....sending you a big (((hug))) :)
  14. wobbly

    wobbly Registered User

    Feb 14, 2012
    Mid Wales
    and yes I quite agree they need to change their ideas etc but even if they did we had lost trust in them and I wouldn't have wanted Dad to stay there.....:(
  15. BLONDY

    BLONDY Registered User

    Oct 29, 2011
    2000 MILES AWAY
    Contact social services this is neglect

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.