Cause for concern...


Registered User
Mar 3, 2007
Bristol, UK
My grandmother (who is 80 years old) was diagnosed with Alzheimer's after her husband died a couple of years ago. To begin with she suffered from hallucinations that her husband was with her, which at first we thought to be part of her grieving process.

After the diagnosis a couple of years on, she still refuses to acknowledge she has alzheimer's and is putting it all down to be getting old and grieving, even though the diagnosis has been made.

My Dad is trying to get Power of Attorney, but because of the reason's above, she still believes she is capable, so won't do it, however everytime she gets a letter from the bank or someone calling on the door, she will readily hand over the money for whatever reason. Then phones dad and asks him about it, i have lost count of the times he has had to cancel some new bill, or cancel some work that she has signed up for. We believe she is taking somewhere in the region of £1000 out of her accounts and hiding it in various places. Then doesn't remember what she has done with it, so in effect is lost.

Without going into detail there has been a recent situation involving some medals of hers and it now means that she could be put in danger. But she refuses to move anywhere and still wants to keep her independance, she isn't eating and keeps food until way past the best before date. She refuses help from anyone excepting dad. She won't even tell him if she is having problems because we (his wife, son and daughter) are there.

I think that dad feels guilty because he promised his father, who was dying, that he'd look after her. Which he is trying his best to do, but being 3 hours away by car, the help often falls to my grandmothers sister, who can't always help as she herself is in her 80s and has her own family to look after. He also hasn't quite accepted that his mother isn't the woman she used to be (she used to be in control of everything) as she is phoning every other day it seems because she has had a letter, or someone knocking on the door.

It all is rather complicated and i'm at a loss as to what to do to help dad? Is there any advice anyone can give on how to deal with this?

Many Thanks.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Hi Emma

Welcome to TP. My situation is different from yours, but there are lots of people on TP who are having to cope with similar problems, and will be able to advise you.

I think you are going to bring in some outside help. You or your dad should in the first place contact your grandmother's GP, by letter if necessary, and ask for him to visit.

You say she has been diagnosed, so presumably she has a consultant. Perhaps you could also write to him.

You could also contact your grandmother's local branch of Alzheimer's Society. They will be able to give you good advice, and possibly arrange for someone to call.

However much your grandmother wants to keep her independence, she is becoming a danger to herself. It's just not safe to leave her to cope alone.

It's a very difficult situation. I do hope you manage to get something sorted out.

Please keep in touch, and let us know how you get on.