I provide support for a lady who is 'adopted' family and have done since a relative of mine, who she lived with for 50+ years, passed away some 6 years ago. Up until the last 2 years she coped well, we would see her most weeks and she would come to stay for respite, company and Christmas, we supported her with care plans as her needs have changed and ensured her wishes have been followed. Sadly she has been declining significantly over the past 12 months and we have finally had a diagnosis of dementia, although it is fair to say it is now fairly advanced. We moved her into some sheltered accommodation some months ago as she was struggling at home (but she is strong willed and not wanting to admit defeat so it took a while) .. I probably should add here that I live over 100 miles away... Anyway, despite care packages and visiting at least a couple of times a week (often before work- a good 5 hour round trip) her general health, and safety, is deteriorating and with multiple bounces in and out of hospital (yesterday being the latest admission) it is clear that she needs 24 hour care- something that she has absolutely refused. The guilt is all consuming and this is what I am struggling with- so I saw her on Saturday and then yesterday had to bounce her into A&E with suspected sepsis (it wasn't)- after spending hours waiting for her admission I am left with a two hour drive home and a feeling that I cannot do right for doing wrong. Guilt for not sorting 24 hour care for her, guilt for not following her wishes, guilt I live 2 hours away, guilt for missing the kids school meeting, guilt for having to leave work early, guilt for not having sorted this all before, guilt for feeling frustrated with her for spending 4 hours asking me why don't i hurry the consultant up, ......I know it is illogical but it is all consuming.