Cat dying & Mum.....& Dad

[mandyp]

Yesterday another of Mum and Dad's cats became very ill, the future doesn't look good (another died earlier this year).

Dad and I aren't too sure of Mum's reaction to this, Dad didn't think she seemed overly bothered. However, she had him up during the night and was very upset but couldn't explain why, he spend time trying to calm her down, which he eventually did.

Today she became upset again, continually asking for her friend (who she sees on a Thursday), telling Dad she can't tell him about it, she can only speak to her. Now Dad is worried about the cat (who incidentally, will be back at the vet on Thursday) and thinks Mum is on a serious decline. I wonder if anyone has experienced anything similar, he said she was laughing and giggling inappropriatlely in the vets and seems to forget the cat is so ill (not at all the way she would have been before as she was as much an animal lover as Dad and I).

I thought it might just be her reaction to the cat being so ill, somewhere in her head it is upsetting her, even if she doesn't appear to be in the 'normal' way, rather than a 'decline'.

I'm trying to reassure him that it's probably because of the cat. He's so stressed with money worries, cat, Mum and everything else I feel that he's at breaking point. I'm trying to give him money and pay the vet bill (all of which he insists is a loan), I just want him to take it and forget about it, at least to try to ease one worry. He's insistant on giving me money back that I gave him over that last few months too. I don't want it, I'm trying to help, not add to his worries.

This has turned into 2 posts I think, one about making Dad take my money and about Mum.....anyway, if anyone has any ideas on either, they'd be gratefully received

Mandy

 

[Norman]

Hi Mandyp
I don't think Mum will get too upset when the cat dies.
We lost our cat time back now when Peg was more aware of happenings.
Sh said Oh no and that was it.
She asks me often where is the cat ,I always say I don't know and that is accepted.
She also looks at my shoes,on my feet,and talks as if it is the cat,I am sure she sees what she thinks is the cat.
I think AD sufferers have lost the ability to accept illness of others or deaths of people they have known,and they soon forget.
Hope this helps
Norman

 

[Lila13]

There's a cat next door that my mother was very fond of. One day she said (out of the blue) "Dave's cat's sprung a leak." "What does that mean?" "She's gone up to her home in the sky." (very matter-of-fact, no sign of grief). Later I saw the same cat looking perfectly well and said so, but by that time she'd forgotten she'd said it had gone to its "home in the sky".

Several friends/acquaintances died during the time my mother was ill and I couldn't stop bad news reaching her, she generally just collected these scraps of news as something to tell her next visitors/carers. But the last death of a friend was probably one of her last straws.

You just never know how people are going to react, do you?

 

[mandyp]

Well, you are both right. Sadly we had to get poor Jasper put to sleep on Sunday. Silly cat was purring even when after the vet had given him the first injection. He had stopped eating and drinking, the tumours in his mouth were causing too much pain, it wasn't fair to continue.

Dad and I stayed with him until he drifted away. Dad was so upset, I went with him to help, think I probably made him worse by blubbering myself.

You were both right, when we came back Mum just said 'poor boy' and that was it. Dad says it's best that she doesn't get upset, however I know it upsets him as Mum was always as upset as we were with any in the past. (That sounds like we go through a lot of cats, to explain at one point Mum and Dad had 5, as they're both cat mad!) Down to 2 now.

My money problem still persists, I paid the last vet bill and again Dad is insisting this is a loan.....does anyone know how I can get him to just keep the money and not worry about it. He has enough on his plate and it doesn't do any harm to take my money.....I'd only blow it on ebay

I just wish that he'd let me help him now, growing up him and Mum gave me everything, I don't think that me giving them some money now and then is a big thing and I don't want him worrying about repaying me. They also pick my daughter up from school 3 days a week and if they didn't I'd have to pay a childminder (I've tried using this argument and Dad says he doesn't want paid for having his Granddaughter). How do I reason with my stubborn Dad (who I'm just like!!)

 

[Lynne]

Dad is insisting this is a loan.....does anyone know how I can get him to just keep the money and not worry about it. He has enough on his plate and it doesn't do any harm to take my money.....I'd only blow it on ebay

I just wish that he'd let me help him now, growing up him and Mum gave me everything, I don't think that me giving them some money now and then is a big thing and I don't want him worrying about repaying me. They also pick my daughter up from school 3 days a week and if they didn't I'd have to pay a childminder (I've tried using this argument and Dad says he doesn't want paid for having his Granddaughter). How do I reason with my stubborn Dad (who I'm just like!!)

How about accept his money, then just pay it back into his bank A/c without mentioning it. If he pays you by cheque, just don't pay it in.

Know what you mean, my Mum's the same, it was how they were brought up (and for that matter, how they brought ME up as well) "Pay as you go; If you can't pay, don't go!" Although it's annoying to me in the present circumstances, I think it's still a good thing that Mum wants to keep her self-respect and a tiny bit of her independence.

Sorry about the moggies, I'm just hoping my Mum's own beloved tortoiseshell (now middle-aged) stays in good health for a good while yet.