Casbow's Diary.
- Thread starter Casbow
- Start date
I don't think William would have ever known how to change a lightbulb! I always did stuff like that- lightbulbs, wiring plugs, hanging pictures etc.
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Sent from my Moto G Play using Talking Point mobile app
I do manage to do most small jobs. But I'm useless with technical stuff. Pre dementia I used to do nearly all the painting and decorating,and the garden was my greatest pleasure. Now I do as much as I can but I think lack of motivation has got quite bad. Its not the same anymore.x
That's it Casbow, it's not the same anymore. You've summed it up, motivation has gone out of the window for me. I'll just do what I can.
I am finding the same Casbow, 20 months almost since William died, and there isn't the same motivation to do things. Even when he was in the nursing home, I was much more motivated. It's not the same. And I've found this Winter much worse than last year, even with the birth of my first grandchild to boost me. I'll happily go out and spend time with them, but I've no interest in doing anything here.
I'm feeling a bit like that as well. I thought I had established a really good routine in the weeks and months after Bill died. Now I seem to have got out of that routine.
Sorry that you are all feeling so ' can.t be bothered.' Maybe the sunshine and spring will sort us all out. In my case I am devastated. My social worker rang me this a.m. about the assessment 2 weeks ago with a view of what kind of care was needed for David if and when he goes into care. Although I couldn't get him out of bed I felt quite confident that there was no hurry to get him into a care home with 24 hour nursing. Then this afternoon he had an 'accident' and it was really bad and he wouldn't let me clean him . I suddenly realised that I was not coping very well at all.Long story short I have put him to bed (as clean as he would let me) and I started to cry like a baby. I don't want to give up on him but I hate this kind of 'care'. How do others cope with it. I would welcome advice. He will not let me help him. I feel so sad. So miserable. My lovely man. What has this b****y awful illness done to him. When we were young we used to say I don't want to live if I ?? And so it goes on.xx
Oh Casbow, the first sentence of yours I've quoted above just about sums it all up. "This kind of care". This is the bloody awful ****ty stuff that doesn't get talked about in the news or shown in photos. This is the part of the "caring" that can be relinquished to professional carers who are paid to do it as their job and who are trained to deal with it. Allowing the "main carer" (you) to focus on creating some happier memories from less-stressed time together. I think that's the way it's supposed to work! It must be so hard for you right now x
It must be so very hard to have to come to the realisation that this just isn't a manageable situation at home however hard you try, and for both your sakes other options need to be considered.
I'm sure it all seems hopeless and confused for you at the moment, but I hope that you can get the help you need to find an alternative which gives you and your husband a better quality of life.
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I'm sure it all seems hopeless and confused for you at the moment, but I hope that you can get the help you need to find an alternative which gives you and your husband a better quality of life.
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That all really resonates with me Grannie G, thank you for putting it so well.
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You have encapsulated so well what we all feel and experience. Granny G. Have had quite a few of them over the last few months, but, only smiles for my lovely Stan to see. Blessings M xxx
Know how you feel, TV does help block out thoughts and for a while things seem as they used to be. Although I do find myself making comments to Stan during a film, like I used to do before 'D', and, then I realise I am talking to myself. I didn't think you had to have an aerial when you had broadband, we haven't. Have you thought of giving hubby an unusable remote?. He can click away and may just think the TV is broken?
Stan's mood changes with the weather, quiet and sleepy when dark, rainy etc. wide awake, smiling and happy when sunny. I have one of those SAD lamps, but not certain it does anything.
The other day I went out of the room for a few minutes, when I came back in Stan was on the floor. He had stretched to get a jar of Conotrane, which he managed to get, somehow. Unscrewed the top and started to eat it. Surprising what they can do when they decide they want something. With stretching he fell out of his chair. Not hurt but a few bruises here and there, good thing we have a thick carpet to land on. So I must make sure even if it is only a few minutes out of the room, I must recline the chair first. xxxx
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Wish I could say something to help. Nothing I'm afraid. Have you spoken to SW about a male carer coming in to help you. Hubby might have a different attitude towards another man.
I know, before the 'D', when we saw anything about it. Stan would say, if I ever get like that 'shoot me', little did we know. Our OH's would be appalled at the things we have to do to care for them, but, we love them, and we do it no matter how hard. Sadly there will be a time for CH, but, it's a day at a time for me, I can't look that far forward. Hope you find some way to make things easier for yourself and hubby soon. Hugs M xxx
Wish I could say something to help. Nothing I'm afraid. Have you spoken to SW about a male carer coming in to help you. Hubby might have a different attitude towards another man.
I know, before the 'D', when we saw anything about it. Stan would say, if I ever get like that 'shoot me', little did we know. Our OH's would be appalled at the things we have to do to care for them, but, we love them, and we do it no matter how hard. Sadly there will be a time for CH, but, it's a day at a time for me, I can't look that far forward. Hope you find some way to make things easier for yourself and hubby soon. Hugs M xxx
Good suggestion from Mal2, Casbow. I had to insist on a male Care Assistant for William. They sent a tiny woman! She was getting nowhere fast, and William was getting more and more inclined to aggression with her (and me) because he couldn't understand why this strange woman was coming into our house, into his bedroom and trying to strip him, then going into the bathroom with him! We did get a man in the end, a strapping 6'3" bodybuilder. Still, William wasn't what you would call cooperative, but it was certainly better. It was only in the nursing home that William stopped being aggressive around personal care and bathing. It was the clinical atmosphere and uniforms on staff that did it. Sadly, you can't replicate that at home, although you could ask the Agency if their staff do/could wear a tunic style uniform when dealing with your husband? It might make the difference, even if you just got one and kept it there.
Many homes and medical staff/therapists are leaning towards informality and no uniforms . For many people with dementia and even the elderly infirm, a uniform tells them who these people are. Even visitors are helped by uniforms identifying who is staff and who are family and friends.
I have never understood why uniforms are frowned on by some.
Me neither. It was so clear that William found the uniforms helpful. He would follow the staff in the nursing home, if he needed help. Never went to another visitor, or a resident. He knew the people in the blue uniforms were the ones to go to.
Before we went out today I wrote quite a bit but it wouldn't post. Don't know why. Anyway now I am home and I was told the token had run out. I didn't know there was a time limit. So I couldn't post what I had written. So this is a short version of what I said before. We tried a care package but it didn't work as David would not let anyone help him. We tried for 11 days and in the end I gave up. He has a male sitter on Fridays but that is just to let me go out. On the subject of going out we have!!!! Today we went to an afternoon birthday tea. First I couldn't even get him off of the settee. then when we got
there he was refusing to even look at anyone or say hello. After a while he sat down and I gave him a plate of buffet food and he started to relax. He wandered into the gardens (It was a listed house 12 bedrooms and beautiful grounds with a pond and swimming pool. Also there was a puppy 6 months old that would run and fetch a ball as often as you could throw it. Then one of the children a little girl sat next to him in the garden and chatted to him. And he spoke back In his muddled language this 3 year old answered him and offered him her bag with toys in it. We were there two and a half hours and I asked him if he was enjoying himself and he said yes. He had a walk with my brother in law and then another with my sister. Cannot believe the change in him. It was so nice to go somewhere. I hope you all had a nice day as well.xx
there he was refusing to even look at anyone or say hello. After a while he sat down and I gave him a plate of buffet food and he started to relax. He wandered into the gardens (It was a listed house 12 bedrooms and beautiful grounds with a pond and swimming pool. Also there was a puppy 6 months old that would run and fetch a ball as often as you could throw it. Then one of the children a little girl sat next to him in the garden and chatted to him. And he spoke back In his muddled language this 3 year old answered him and offered him her bag with toys in it. We were there two and a half hours and I asked him if he was enjoying himself and he said yes. He had a walk with my brother in law and then another with my sister. Cannot believe the change in him. It was so nice to go somewhere. I hope you all had a nice day as well.xx
So pleased you managed to have a nice time out. I find it always helps when animals and children are around, maybe hubby feels life is less complicated around them. Glad hubby enjoyed it as well. M xxx
