1. cuppatea

    cuppatea Registered User

    Oct 28, 2016
    394
    South Wales
    Hope this weekend goes as well as possible for you. Thinking of you x
     
  2. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    989
    Colchester
    Thankyou Cuppatea.x
     
  3. Alicenutter

    Alicenutter Registered User

    Aug 29, 2015
    560
    Massachusetts USA
    Casbow, I'm sorry this is happening to you. It does sound as if the CH want to work with you, and that's a positive. Try and rest. My saying du jour is (every day) "sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof". Which I find useful when I start on "What will happen if?" Xxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  4. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    989
    Colchester
    Thankyou Alicenutter. xx
     
  5. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    989
    Colchester
    Just a quick post. I am totally wrung out after the funeral of my lovely niece who was only 40 years old with a wonderful husband and 2 dear little girls aged just 5 and 3. the funeral was heartbreaking, touching, enlightening and so special. It started at 12.pm and after a break for refreshments it then continued with 300 people paying their respects to a lovely young woman. It then continued into the evening. I don't know if there has ever been a more sad day in our life. When we got home I phoned the care home to find out how David was doing. Not doing very well at all. I ended up phoning the dementia helpline and asking the very kind person what should I do. I cannot sit back and ignore my husbands misery. He is much worse that when he went in and I cannot allow another week to go by without getting something done. So this lady from the dementia helpline is going to phone the care home to see what is really happening with David. Has he hit people or not. He will not eat and hardly drink anything. Will not allow anyone near him to do personal care. Need to get him help.xx
     
  6. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,437
    Female
    Dundee
    Oh Cassbow you must be wrung out. How terribly sad for your niece and her family. So tragic.

    I'm glad you have contacted the Helpline. Thinking of you.
     
  7. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    989
    Colchester
    Thankyou.
     
  8. cuppatea

    cuppatea Registered User

    Oct 28, 2016
    394
    South Wales
    Oh what a roller coaster for you. An amazing funeral she must have been much loved. So sorry to hear David has not settled. Hope the helpline is a way forward for you.
     
  9. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,506
    Ireland
    You're having a very sad time of it Casbow. I do hope there can be some help for you both soon. xx
     
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,352
    Kent
    There`s little I can say about the funeral Casbow other than how I appreciate the tragedy of such a loss.

    As for your husband. No one should have to suffer in this way. I do hope the helpline person can get something constructive in place.
     
  11. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    989
    Colchester
    Well it is all change again. I rang this morning to how David was and was told that he had kicked a member of staff and was refusing all personal care. I told the manager that i had been on the dementia helpline and that they were going to ring her. she said ok thats fine. Later in the day I had a message to ring the senior carer that had been there to admit David for his 2 weeks respite. She said I am very sorry but we need you to to collect David and take him home. We cannot cope with his aggressive behaviour. I will not go in to all the details now as I am so tired but he is home with me looking like he has been to hell and back. But seeming much happier and content. They said he didn't sleep very well, so I pray that he will begin to sleep again like he always has. I have arranged for a doctors visit tomorrow and we will take it from there. I could write a book on what has happened but I am tired and you probably don't want to know every detail. So wish me luck for a reasonable night and I wish the same to you all. xxx.
     
  12. cuppatea

    cuppatea Registered User

    Oct 28, 2016
    394
    South Wales
    (((hugs)))
     
  13. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,506
    Ireland
    Oh Casbow, I'm so sorry. Clearly, the respite home isn't the right place for him at the moment. But equally clearly, you can't continue the way things have been recently.

    Sent from my Moto G Play using Talking Point mobile app
     
  14. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    989
    Colchester
    Well David is still asleep now so that has been ok. He ate half his dinner and had a drink and allowed my to change him for bed. They said he hadn't hardly eaten wouldn't drink and when I was getting him ready to bring him home he only had net knickers on, no pad and obviously wet trousers. It took me a long while to get him ready to bring home, told me to go away. Got there in the end. He looks like he has lost weight his face looks a bit sunken in if that makes sense. He hasn't had a shave for the week he was in there, so that makes everything look worse. The doctor is coming this morning to see him. I am expecting calls from the social worker and care co-ordinater. I don't now know what the future holds. I was about to start the process of looking for a care home and sorting out with social services all that has to be done if we found somewhere. But now I have no confidence in finding anywhere, as how can i know what would be good ,and anyway if David refuses help how can I feel comfortable knowing that. xxx
     
  15. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,352
    Kent
    I do hope those who visit today will offer constructive and positive help Casbow and realise how much this worry is affecting you.
     
  16. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    989
    Colchester
    Hi there. Well today I discovered that my husband had a nasty sore place where he shouldn't have. When I got him home from the "Care" home and was sorting him out I found his bottom was very red and looked sore. Long story short he has a sore on his privates that should not be there. I took him to see a nurse today and he was thank goodness, co-operative and allowed her to take a swab which has gone to the lab. for tests. He was only in respite for one week. What the hell is going on. I feel really angry and upset. I just wanted a break and never thought it would end up like this. My social worker and the dementia helpline are not happy with the way this was dealt with. When the care home couldn't manage him they should have called the Social worker or the dementia helpline. Instead they called me. So they couldn't manage him so take him home and you manage on your own.!!! I feel so stupid for misjudging this home so badly. I will never trust anyone again.
     
  17. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,240
    Female
    South coast
    Im so sorry casbow. Im guessing that the sore is related to problems with personal care.
    It been a bad experience for both of you, but please dont despair, there will be the right place for him. Mum hit one of the carers when they were trying to get her to shower when she first went in, so I know that there are places out there that can deal with this sort of thing. I was horrified when they told me, but they just seemed to shrug it off and continued to care for her. I do hope you can find somewhere like that.
     
  18. esmeralda

    esmeralda Registered User

    Nov 27, 2014
    3,072
    Devon
    Thinking of you Casbow. I hope you are getting some help to plan for some better care for your husband.
    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  19. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    989
    Colchester
    At the moment I am just trying to get back to the point where I can have some sort of idea of what his behaviour will be like. It has all been so different since I picked him up on Monday. He slept nearly all the time until yesterday, Thursday, and then yesterday became more active and restless. But his mood has been really good and almost no aggression so I need to give it time to see how he will be. He is going to get an appointment to be assessed for a nursing home that caters specifically for Dementia patients. This, if he is accepted ,will be put in place if it is needed for the future.x
     
  20. angiebails

    angiebails Registered User

    Oct 8, 2009
    227
    crewe
    Casbow, Do you mind me asking but was the home he went in for respite not an emi home for dementia. Only I will have to think of respite soon and the reading of your post is exactly why I don't want to do it. I know that I would need a specialist dementia home.


    Sent from my iPad using Talking Point
     

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