Casbow's Diary.

[Slugsta]

I'm glad you got your husband to the respite home Casbow (((hugs))) Please look after yourself - some sleep would be a good start if you can manage it

 

[Casbow]

Phoned the care home today to see how David is getting on. Not good news. The manager wants to speak to me. I was out when she wanted to speak this afternoon. When I rang up, a very nice senior care lady talked to me for ages about David and what kind of person he was pre dementia. Anyway he hit a male carer and has been very difficult and not allowing anyone to help him. So that is why the manager wants to speak to me. Before they accepted him in the care home
I had to tell them what his behaviour is like at home. I told them that he had smacked me twice but not for many months and the doctor had increased his anti-psychotic pills and that seemed to make things a bit better. So they accepted him. I did not tell any lies and I have to admit I have been worrying that his behaviour would be bad. I also hoped that it would improve with time. But now he has hit someone, its not looking good.He has been increasingly difficult to manage. So I will wait for the phone call.x

 

[cuppatea]

Oh poor you (((hugs)))

 

[LadyA]

Oh Casbow, I'm so sorry. I had really hoped it would go better, and that he wouldn't mind having male staff help him.

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[HillyBilly]

Don't panic Casbow. These things happen all the time in care homes and the staff probably just want to work out what the "triggers" could be x

 

[cuppatea]

Just read through all your diary again. You really need a rest from the endless hard job of caring 24 hours a day. Do hope the home can keep him for the full 2 weeks, haven't yet got to that stage. So hard to carry on caring for someone who is unable to co-operate, or show any gratitude due to this awful disease. Ten years is a long long time. Hope you are able to sleep tonight and not lie awake worrying. Let us know how you get on tomorrow

 

[Casbow]

The thing is I was told from the start that they don't take violent residents as it upsets the home. They will take verbal aggressive residents but not physically violent. I told them about the two times he smacked me. I cannot believe that me lovely gentle husband has hit a complete stranger who was only trying to help him. If they say they can't keep him what do I do. I have already had to give up on a care package as he wouldn't let the care girls anywhere near him. So its me or what.? I have not been coping for a while now. I am so upset. So worried about him being so unhappy and lost.x

 

[Grannie G]

There must be somewhere suitable for your husband Casbow.

Has medication been considered to control the violence? Sometimes its the only answer. If the violence can be controlled the care home may be more cooperative.

 

[canary]

My mum hit a carer when she first went into her care home.
I was appalled, but they were all unfazed and said not to worry. If this care home gives him notice there will be somewhere, dont worry
I know that when they are being assessed by the care home we are usually so desperate for them to be accepted, but sometimes we dont do anyone any favours by not telling it like it is, because if they end up in an unsuitable home it comes back to bite us.

 

[Casbow]

But I did tell tell Canary. I told them he had slapped me twice but not with a lot of force. I told them that he hit a care person at the home last September, but that home said don't worry we are used to it. I told them he was very difficult with personal care and that many times he would not let me help him. I told them he was verbally aggressive. I am in such a state. Never felt so miserable.x

 

[Izzy]

I'm so sorry that things are so bad for you just now Casbow. I wondered if you have used the National Dementia Helpline before. If not it might be an idea to give them a ring and talk things through with them. This is the link-

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/20012/helpline/?_ga=1.78327825.403138391.1474717503

The phone number is 0300 222 11 22

They're open from 9-5 today.

 

[cuppatea]

Talking to someone like the helpline suggested above sounds like a good idea. There must be a solution. Do you have support locally to turn to? My Carers Association contact is great with calm practical advice when I don't know when to turn, and the District Nurses talk to me when they come in to see to the catheter. Thinking of you. X

 

[Izzy]

The Carers Association is a good idea too. I see you are in Colchester Casbow. Have you any contact with the Carers Centre there?

http://www.colchestercarerscentre.co.uk/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=48&Itemid=55

 

[Casbow]

Just phoned the manager of the home. I have been feeling really awful worrying about him. She said she was not asking to talk to me about him hitting anyone because he hasn't. She said he has been kicking out and swinging his arms about but had not made contact. She said that reason she wanted to talk to me was about how I dealt with him when he was refusing personal care. And to let me know that they had found him with a broken glass in his hand. I said that if he refuses care I just leave it and try again a bit later. But somedays it can go on all day. The problem of being soaking wet etc. I deal with by just staying there in the bathroom and saying that i am not leaving the room until he has clean stuff on down below. He usually gets fed up and has a bit of thinking time (as best he can) so that he gives in and I hurry up to change him before he stops me. So not quite as bad as I thought.xx

 

[Grannie G]

It`s good the home is consulting you Casbow. It shows they care and are concerned.

 

[canary]

But I did tell tell Canary. I told them he had slapped me twice but not with a lot of force. I told them that he hit a care person at the home last September, but that home said don't worry we are used to it. I told them he was very difficult with personal care and that many times he would not let me help him. I told them he was verbally aggressive. I am in such a state. Never felt so miserable.x

Sorry, casbow, I think I must have misunderstood. I had got the impression that you had played it down.
Its always difficult when they first go into residential care, without something like this hanging over your head. It sounds like the manageress is not concerned about this though and is trying to find a solution

Try and rest a bit (difficult I know) or perhaps do something/go out somewhere as a treat for yourself and take your mind off it all for a bit.
((((hugs)))))

 

[cuppatea]

Ah that's a relief, as Hillbilly said they are looking for how to manage him. The Carers Association here were very informative about financial matters as well. She basically said if husband is in care you should stay in the home as long as possible, as soon as it is sold LA take half the value for fees. They can advise on what else they take, I know you were worrying about what you would have left to live on. Seems like now would be a good time to get all the info you can so you are prepared. I also read on another thread about the difference between different types of care home and who they cater for. Again could be useful background for you x

 

[Casbow]

Yes i do have the number of the Dementia helpline. I have phoned about 3 times in the last 4 weeks when I couldn't get him to get out of bed. He wouldn't open his eyes and then he wouldn't move. Said he couldn't. They said they might need to look at his medication to see if it could be improved or changed. We have an appointment there on there on the 28th. Earliest they could give me.xx Not sure what you mean by a care centre so I guess we don't have one. I have contact with Alzheimers society if I ring.xx

 

[cuppatea]

Carers Association - here is the link.

http://www.carersuk.org/

I have an allocated person, she came to the house and did the Attendance Allowance forms for me and I got it first time. Well worth a contact.

 

[CeliaW]

Casbow, you may have an Admiral Nurse available in your area (sadly they aren't everywhere) but even if not, you can talk to an Admiral Nurse on their excellent helpline. You can find out more detail and the relevant numbers on this link: https://www.dementiauk.org/how-we-help/admiral-nursing/

I hope you can access some much needed help soon, take care, hugs xx

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