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Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by Casbow, Feb 3, 2017.
The clock is not wrong on here. I think I am losing the plot.!!
It looks like the clock is wrong on Talking point.!!
You mean the time it shows that a post was made at? I've never noticed! testing, testing!
Not wrong for me.posted at 10.10, and that's what Talking point said!
Casbow, I've been reading your latest postings and my heart is breaking for what you are going through.
Such a cruel disease when our loved ones have always been gentle and caring.
With my husband I felt desolate when I first realised that some people who come into our lives will only know this negative manifestation, that the harmless, loveable, friendly person we came to know and love will instead cause alarm and fear in others.
I am thinking of you and the fear and upset you are going through. May the best outcome for all concerned be found with compassion and understanding.
Thank you all for your kindness and support. I am leaving shortly to go and find out what is going to happen. I am very concerned about the lady that is injured and really hoping she will be ok and back to the home soon. All 3 ladies on the ward are slight build so this will have made them even more vulnerable. I will let you know when i get home how things are. Thankyou again.x
Casbow so sorry to read your post it's such a horrible situation for you both, I know when Chris was violent it was such a shock as he had always been so gentle, the only consolation was the aggressive stage passed. Sending gentle HUG. Xxx
Just a quick update. Been to the home today and David seemed calm and was sitting on a seat so that he could see all the comings and goings and the staff could keep an eye on him. The terrible news is that the lady that was injured is deteriorating and not looking good. So I will go again tomorrow as I still have not seen the person that saw him push the lady. The staff today said try not to worry too much as it was something that might happen when dementia patients have a disagreement. Unfortunately this has had a serious outcome. so I feel sick and devastated by what has happened. Now have to wait for the person(s) from dementia unit to come on Tuesday morning. Will let you know what happens.xxx
A dreadful, dreadful situation Casbow. No wonder you are distraught. I don't know which is worse, being injured or causing injury and David's vulnerability is equal to the lady he hurt.
I'll never forget my husband's face when , the morning after an aggressive event ,
I told him I was frightened of him. He had no idea what I was talking about but even so kept telling me he was sorry.
I feel for you, so much.
I have just been catching up and so sorry for this worrying situation. Of course it's not David's fault, we know it's the dementia, and it could happen to anyone else, but that doesn't take the worry off you. It's good that the staff have given good reports so hold on to that for now. (((Hugs)))
I am glad that the staff have been supportive and reassuring.
I feel for you being under so much pressure and I hope David is helped by the medication review and that the lady concerned goes from strength to strength.
Sending you positive thoughts for strength and calm at this horrible time.
Yes, it is.
When I write a post, the time which appears is two hours behind,, while it should be only one
I am in a terrible state tonight. So miserable. So sad. I just wish this could be over . Especially for my lovely man. I am tortured by my worry of how he is feeling. I wish I could have him home again. What a bloody awful way to spend the last years of our marriage. We had so many plans. I'm sorry. I know you are all suffering. I wish you all some kind of peace.xxx
I found last thing at night and first thing in the morning my most vulnerable times Casbow, especially while Dhiren was in the care home and I didn`t know how he was.
Have you anything to help you sleep?
I have a glass of wine. Not sure it will help. Be ok tomorrow. Soldier on.xxx
I'm sorry you're feeling so sad, Casbow. The events of this week must have been a terrible shock for you. How quickly and easily something can happen, with no intention on your husband's part to hurt anyone, any more than a small child who throws a toy and hits someone with it. It was that thing with dementia - the lack of understanding of action/consequence. Sadly, you, with your understanding, are feeling it.
I hope things improve for you, Casbow. And I hope you can get some sleep tonight.xx
I have been struggling since my husband went into care, but since the 'incident' my depression, my struggle to be at least a bit happy, has sunk into an all time low. Now i am on antidepressant tablets for the first time and I now worry that I will have side effects that will make it unsafe for me to drive. I could not bear not to see him every other day. Since the incident I spend longer there when I visit,because I am so worried something else might happen. The side effects could be tiredness and I already struggle to manage without a sleep during the day. Sometimes as early as 3 hours after getting up in the morning. I don't know how I will get there without a car. We live in a village with only 4 buses a day. Then I would have to change to another when i get to town. Can anyone else tell me about anti depressants. I have been told they can take quite a while to work. I am taking the first one tomorrow morning. Sorry to be a pain. Just hope someone can help.xxx
Casbow, well done on taking action, for the sake of your own health. Now, also for the sake of your health, I would say, listen to your body. If you're tired, take a nap. Take several naps! All you've been through- and it's still ongoing - will be depleting your resources, and your body and mind is trying to heal. It does that best when you are resting and sleeping. Our subconscious does a lot of work when we're asleep, filtering and processing stuff. So, look on the extra naps as part of your therapy. Not to mention that if your tablets do make you sleepy, then the naps will help you deal with that more constructively than putting extra stress on yourself by trying to fight it! I've no experience of anti depressants, but maybe if you have a choice, you could take it in the early evening, then you wouldn't be worrying about getting sleepy?
Your suffering deserves empathy and attention because it is so deep and strong.
You are suffering, that's all.
True, other people are, but I 'd like to tell you what a friend of mine told me years ago.
I was desperate because I had lost the man of my life.
I said that she might think I was suffering too much.
My friend teaches Greek Language and Literature and is a renowned scholar.
She quoted some lines from the Greek tragedy Alcesti, where the main character says: "What is the measure of suffering?"
It means that suffering can't be measured. I can't say you are suffering more or less than me or ..him..or them...
It also means that you can't put a measure to suffering, you can't say it is too much or enough or too little.
Suffering always deserves empathic attention and consideration
You miss the life you could have had.
I can understand what we feel like when we realize that our plans, hopes, dreams won't come true.
I feel robbed of my life by life
( I'm not sure my post has a meaning in English. Too long ..too many thoughts to convey in a language which is not mine)
A big hug!!
That is very touching and so truthful I think. And it was well translated.! Thankyou.xxxx