1. Caz60

    Caz60 Registered User

    Jul 24, 2014
    253
    Lancashire
    I can feel your calmness in your post you most certainly have reached that invisible point where you must put yourself first and I hope all goes well for you both .We all know it's coming but when and will we know when it's time is not so easy .
    I'm not yet in that situation but am feeling myself step back away from what I had to what has to be and it hurts ,so love and hugs to you .Take care.xx
     
  2. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    1,002
    Colchester
    Ok so I am very emotional tonight. I think it is because he is apparently eating and sleeping and accepting personal care. To me we are more than halfway there. And that is such a good thing. But all I keep seeing is his face and I feel I have deserted him. I know I had to let go. But knowing does not make me feel ok. Sorry. Tomorrow is a other day.xxx
     
  3. Caz60

    Caz60 Registered User

    Jul 24, 2014
    253
    Lancashire
    Cashow, I know the hurt guilt and sorrow at your hubby being cared for by someone else is good and upsetting .I must admit I'm dreading it if it needs be . Nobody knows do they if they haven't walked this way before .Hugs xx
     
  4. CeliaW

    CeliaW Registered User

    Jan 29, 2009
    5,643
    Hampshire
    Casbow, please don't apologise. You had to make a very difficult decision. One that you knew was, practically, the best and only realistic one. But emotionally? That's a whole different story.

    It will be hard to see David responding positively in the CH because part of you will be saying why couldn't he be like that at home?

    Why? Well the carers in the home aren't alone, they don't face the relentless pressure of trying to do the best, get everything right - which is what you successfully did for a long time until the manifestations of this evil disease meant it was impossible for one person to do.

    Now is the time to let others take the practical burden, give yourself time to get your strength back (and experience the huge range of emotions you will go through) so you can take on your new role, still caring for David, being his advocate but allowing others to take on the more practical aspects.

    Take care, big hugs xx

    Sent from my SM-T310 using Talking Point mobile app
     
  5. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,552
    Ireland
    Casbow how you are feeling is completely understandable. I found it quite upsetting at the time, how William settled in to being cared for in the nursing home. How he seemed to not only not mind, but actually be so relieved about the carers helping him with changing his pads, washing etc., after trying to kill me a couple of times because he was so determined not to allow me to help him with personal care. It was hard not to feel rejected and a bit insulted, along with the relief! But, reason told me that it was the fact that the nursing home only used the male carers, and the fact that they were in medical style uniforms that made all the difference. He clearly recognised their role. Whereas it very clearly was not my role! And William had always liked dining out, and the nursing home dining room was set up like an up market restaurant. Why wouldn't he like it?! :rolleyes:

    I do hope things continue to go well. As you say, timing. Get a good night's rest, and sleep well. So far, so good. Take each day at a time. There will be a few bumps on the road, no doubt, but for right now, just concentrate on resting. xx
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,162
    Kent
    I'm another, once the relief had worn off, who felt so sorry the care home could meet my husband's needs and I could not. I also kept picturing his face , missing him and wishing he could be home with me. The house was empty and so was I.

    It got better. I visited daily to begin with and then on alternate days. It gave me pleasure to see him so contented, once he'd stopped asking to come home.

    Of course you feel emotional. It will pass eventually I'm sure.

    I hope you sleep tonight. Xx
     
  7. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    1,002
    Colchester
    I have phoned the care home 6 times today. Only a recorded message. I feel almost like screaming. I want to know how my husband is getting on. Is that really to much to ask. The answer message kept saying 'all of our lines are busy'. Got myself in to a right state. Why is there no answer on a sunday. I will not sleep well tonight. So sad that I don't know how he is. xxx
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,162
    Kent
    That`s awful Casbow. I hope it`s not the norm. Hold tight until you find out the reason. There may be an acceptable explanation. If anything was wrong I`m sure you’d be the first to know.
     
  9. Clunchman

    Clunchman Account on hold

    Dec 6, 2016
    286
    .
    Sorry to read that Casbow, they should be better organised.
    Seems the same though when you 'phone anywhere these days. usual is, "all our operators are buy. Please hold or visit our Web site". Should not apply to a care home though.
     
  10. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,552
    Ireland
    Casbow, hope things are ok today, and your OH has been settled over the weekend. And hoping you can get some rest. xx
     
  11. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    1,002
    Colchester
    Yes it is good. Apparently they have to take a phone with them whilst on duty at weekends as there are not enough staff to run about to answer the phone. There was obvious mess up. Anyway all is going well so far. Been to bowls club today. first time since September last year whilst he went into respite.xx
     
  12. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,404
    Female
    Chester
    Hope you enjoyed Bowls club and sleep well tonight knowing he is settling in
     
  13. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,552
    Ireland
    So glad to hear this!
    I will say, though, just as a caution, that there may be a hiccup or two to come, especially when you visit. But all in all, compared to your previous experience, it's such a great improvement, isn't it?! So relieved for you both. xx
     
  14. Jinx

    Jinx Registered User

    Mar 13, 2014
    2,333
    Pontypool
    Just caught up with what's been happening, Casbow. I'm glad your husband has settled in well. The turmoil of emotions is perfectly understandable, it's a life change and one that is thrust on us when D takes the upper-hand. It doesn't signal the end of caring it just takes a different form. x
     
  15. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    1,002
    Colchester
    Quite a different bit of news today. Our youngest son has just finished walking the Pennine Way. He did it in 2 weeks and usually, apparently, it takes on average 3 weeks.Super proud of him. He was being sponsored to get money for a charity trip to Africa for his 18 year old daughter. She will be on a study trip and helping with the welfare of wild animals. This is for her college course. His dad would be so proud if he could understand.xx
     
  16. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    70,162
    Kent
    I`m sure he would. It`s so sad to miss out. Well done to your son.
     
  17. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    60,159
    Female
    Dundee
    Wow. That's quite an achievement Casbow. :)
     
  18. LadyA

    LadyA Registered User

    Oct 19, 2009
    13,552
    Ireland
    Congratulations to your son, Casbow. That is an achievement.
     
  19. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,404
    Female
    Chester
    Congratulations to your son, a fantastic achievement.
     
  20. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013
    1,002
    Colchester
    Thankyou all, for your congratulations. xx
     

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