Hello
@Sharon 2209 and welcome from me too.
My mum is in the late stages of vascular dementia now and has been in a specialist care home for some years. I looked after her myself for a couple of years before that and, although I didn't live with her, spent every day with her. She could be extremely aggressive too and I know it must be very painful and difficult for you. I think sometimes the person with dementia can resent needing help and is often frightened by what is happening to them (even if they are not sure what it is) and all their frustrations are taken out on those nearest to them.
Is your mum on any medication? As
@karaokePete mentions, your mum's GP may be able to help with that. An anti-anxiety/anti-depression medication can be beneficial. Mirtazapine worked up to a point for my mum, although it wasn't prescribed until after she went into care. We have found regular reviews of medication to be essential along the way. Sometimes even regular paracetamol could make a difference. Are there any obvious triggers for the aggression that you have noticed? Pain, hunger/thirst, constipation, dehydration, needing the loo, tiredness, urine infection can all cause aggression. It's always worth looking for a physical cause.
Mum wouldn't accept carers either. I managed to arrange some after she came out of hospital once but she soon got rid of them. Some members have had success by introducing a carer as a friend/neighbour/local person who really needs a job and making out that the person with dementia would actually be helping them out. Would your mum be persuaded by that?
There are lots of us out here to help you along so keep posting for support and advice, or just to tell us how you are getting on. This link might be useful:
Read our information for carers about aggression and dementia, what we mean by aggressive behaviour and why a person with dementia may behave aggressively.
www.alzheimers.org.uk