Caring for the dying

[allertadele]

My mum is currently in the process of losing her battle with life. It’s been over a week since she was taken off all medication, food and day 3 of no water.
I’ve stayed with her in her care home for the last 3 nights as I want to be with her when she needs me. She is also now on constant pain relief.
Although her feet are cold, mums hands have been quite hot with a blue tinge for the week but yesterday mum developed the Cheyne-Stokes breathing, mottling and her hands and feet went very blue and very cold. This went on for a couple of hours and then she warmed up, the colour returned and breathing resumed as normal. The same thing happened in the night, with longer periods of no breath but again this morning she is breathing softly and warm again. I didn’t expect this to happen.
Mum also has a green foul smelling secretion coming out of her mouth. I am keeping her clean as possible and have just been told it could be the fluid build up from her lungs. The thought of her having this constantly in her mouth is so upsetting, although she seems unaware.
The nurses and care home thought mum would have gone by now but she’s holding on and it’s just awful.

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @allertadele.

I’m so sorry to read about your mum. It really is heartbreaking. Wishing you strength and wishing your mum peace.

 

[GillP]

So sorry to read about your Mum. It is such a difficult time. Look after yourself.

 

[Snuffette]

So sorry to read this about your mum - such a very difficult time for you. Remember to take care of yourself.

 

[Cat27]

I wish you strength @allertadele

 

[canary]

Im so sorry @allertadele
People with dementia seem to cling to life for so much longer than you would think possible.

There will be an end
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[allertadele]

Thank you everyone. Mum died at 4pm yesterday afternoon. It wasn’t the peaceful, calm death I wanted or expected for her. I was there and was thankful that my poor elderly dad and my brother did not get to see her an hour before her last breath, as I would not have wanted their last memories of her to be that. She looked so peaceful when they got there, just two minutes to late, as it was very quick in the end, thank goodness.
Mums finally rid of this terrible decease and when I’m not quite so devastated that she’s gone, I’ll take comfort from that.

 

[Izzy]

I’m so sorry for your loss @allertadele. I’m glad that your mum is finally at peace. Sending my condolences and wishing you strength.

 

[canary]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
She is at peace now
Try and be at peace yourself now too, although I know it will take a while to get over

 

[Cat27]

I’m so sorry. My thoughts are with you.

 

[GillP]

So sorry for your loss. Your Mum is at peace so find solace in that. Look after yourself. x

 

[Bunpoots]

I’m so sorry for your loss @allertadele and the distressing way your mums life ended. I hope you can console yourself with the fact that she is at peace now and that better memories of her will soon come to the forefront.

Please accept my condolences ?

 

[Frank24]

It’s so hard isn’t it! I still 3 months later am struggling but I have been able to remember my mum before this dreadful illness. My mums death wasn’t peaceful either so I can understand how your feeling xx Sending you best wishes

 

[LynneMcV]

You and the family are in my thoughts @allertadele .

 

[Firecatcher]

So sorry to hear about your Mum and can only imagine how distressing this has been for you. I’d consider having some counselling to help you process the more difficult memories. Take care and I hope you’re getting the support you need.