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Caring for my mum


Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
@Paul G R You should not feel guilty at all, you have done your best for your old mum quite obviously. You cannot take this on again, that comes through very clearly. I would not want to wash my mother's body either, there are limits to what a man can do!! You need to be reconciled to this care home being permanent and you can sleep well knowing that you have made sure she is properly looked after.


New member
Nov 5, 2020
I have been caring for my mother for about 7-8 months, has she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in December last year. I have lived with my mum since my dad died 11 years ago, when she was diagnosed they said she could have had Alzheimers for at least 5 years, but the signs might had only been related to her age (my mum is 78 now).
I have a brother who lives about 10 minutes walk away, but he has never bothered, all he said when I told him that my mum was diagnosed was “oh, you have a lot of work to do then”, and then he left.
I have 2 nephews living about 30 miles away (1 of them lives with his girlfriend and they have 4 kids), and they have been helpful when they can, (has my nephews have full time jobs).
Has for my mother she has gotten worse than ever with her Alzheimers, for example she has started to refuse to go to the toilet when she needs to, she does wear protective pads, but doesn’t change them when they need to she just puts another pair on top, she is also peeing and poo-ing in other areas of the house. I ask what she would like for her meals and she pick her meals, but when I have cooked them she won’t eat them so I do her something else and again won’t eat them, she rather eat biscuits.
We do have a career coming in each morning to give her a wash and change her, which helps me a lot, has I am male, and wouldn’t like to wash my own mother (which might be me being selfish). She also calls me names, pulling faces, and swears (which she never use to do).
I have recently contacted the doctors, and a Memory Loss Clinic, about my mother, and she should be due for another assessment soon, and they have said she might be better in a Care Home, and I am beginning to agree with them, has at the moment in the last 2 weeks I have had 3 epileptic seizures, and only sleeping 4-5 hours each day. I am also doing about 4 loads of washing a day, has my mother wets the bed and sofa seats (even though she wears protective pads).
I don’t really want her to go into a care home, but I have to think what’s best for her, and I don’t think I’ll be able to cope with caring for her much longer.
I did have our local Alzheimer’s Society contact me from when my mother was first diagnosed, and the person has been a great help.

thank you for taking time for reading this
I do feel your anxiety and know how you feel.. it’s so very much to cope with
I really hope you have found a suitable care home for your mother and are beginning to unwind