Caring for my mum

[sally1012]

I'm a 40 year old woman who probably doesn't always act her age. I have three teenage daughters, 15,17 and 19 and they probably keep me in line as much as I do them. They are good girls and I am massively proud of them. We sit regularly and go through old photos and we laugh. I work full-time as a retail manager, the team I work with are a great bunch of people and often at work we laugh. I've been married for 15 years and with my husband 22 years (that's scary when I write it down) and we've had some ups and downs but we still have a laugh. I probably drink too wine much sometimes with my friend Kerry who I couldn't get through life without, she makes me laugh most days. My dad is terminally ill with cancer and I visit him most weeks and I love him very much, we always have a laugh. I am the youngest of 6 children and have some real varying relationships with my siblings. I have always been the dependable one. And when we get together we have a laugh. I am a good 4 stone over weight and would love to be smaller but enjoy Chinese food and wine far too much for that to happen. Amongst all this I live in a house with my 3 daughters, husband, cat called Timmy and my 77 year old dementia suffering mum. She was only diagnosed in January but we have all known for a long time. She moved in with us in July last year. She makes me cry, laugh, angry and proud in equal measures. If I'd been told 10 years ago that my life would end up this way I would have said I wouldn't be able to cope and I wouldn't be able to do it. How wrong I would have been. I have to bath and help my mum get dressed and we laugh together to make what could be an awfully humiliating experience for my mum bearable. She was brought up in Liverpool in the 40's and 50's in an orphanage, father dead and mother an alcoholic, with her 5 sisters. Tough as you'd imagine, her stories bring tears to your eyes. But still we laugh. We know we're not perfect and when mum struggles to cock her leg over the bath or forgets the simple words and uses the wrong ones, we laugh. Life is tough and sometimes life throws you a pretty **** hand but through the hardest times when you will no doubtably feel that you can't carry on remember the better times and laugh. It really is the best medicine.

 

[Shedrech]

hello @sally1012
a warm welcome to TP
what an amazing outlook you have - your mum is a fortunate woman to have such a lovely family around her

you do, though, sound as though some help may not go amiss - do contact your Local Authority Adult Services to arrange an assessment of your mum's care needs (don't divulge her finances as a financial assessment of only her income and savings will be done later) - a care package can include home care visits, day care, respite and even an OT visiting your home to suggest aids and adaptions that may help
and look into applying for Attendance Allowance to help with finances

keep posting, it does help to share experiences and members are very supportive

 

[sally1012]

Hello, thank your your comments. I have been in touch with Social services and I have already claimed for attendance allowance which we receive both parts of. They have been to visit the house and completed a care assessment which led to us having a bath seat thing fitted that raises my mum in and out which helps. Also had grab rails and bed rails fitted which is great. We don't have carers come in as we don't feel this is needed as of yet. I was writing more to share experiences and try to make someone smile if they're having a tough time.

 

[witts1973]

Hello, thank your your comments. I have been in touch with Social services and I have already claimed for attendance allowance which we receive both parts of. They have been to visit the house and completed a care assessment which led to us having a bath seat thing fitted that raises my mum in and out which helps. Also had grab rails and bed rails fitted which is great. We don't have carers come in as we don't feel this is needed as of yet. I was writing more to share experiences and try to make someone smile if they're having a tough time.

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It was nice to hear about your life with your mum,I'm a mid 40's bloke with a son that lives with me 50% of the time,he's 16.
I care for my mum full time,although we have carers to pad change and give her a bed bath in the morning,mums in a hospital bed as she can no longer weight bare,as you say life has it's ups and downs,but a sense of humour and having a good laugh gets us through,we don't take life too seriously.
P.s the cat has been thrown off mums bed 3 times today when the carers have arrived,he's mums hot water bottle at night the big fuzz ball.