Caring for my mum with Alzheimer's.

[Nettie68]

Hi ,
My mum has had Alzheimer's for 5 years now and has been staying in her house with a lot of support from me and my brother.
Before the lockdown i moved her to my house as she is getting worse and i live 35miles away from her , since she has been staying here my mum most of the time thinks i am some lady looking after her and not her daughter . I was just wandering if the disease can change so quick ! Luckily my husband and son are very good with my mum..
Many thanks

 

[nae sporran]

Hullo and welcome to the forum, Jeanette. Sadly, that is not uncommon with Dementia and sometimes moving to a new environment can have an effect, though others will know more about that I. UTIs can also cause a sudden change, so it be worth investigating that with your mum's GP.
So hard for you to deal with the change in circumstances and the heartbreak of your mum not recognising you, but you will find support and understanding here.

 

[nellbelles]

Hello @Nettie68 - a warm welcome to DTP
@nae sporran has a good point about an infection have you registered your Mum with your GP? It may well be worth talking to them about your Mum..
sometimes my husband thought I was someone looking after him it’s difficult but I took the view so long as he wasn’t distressed he would be ok
now you have found the forum I hope you will continue to post

 

[canary]

When someone with dementia is in an environment that they know they are able to "hide" a lot of their symptoms, especially if they are only seeing family/carers for relatively short periods of time.

If there is a change in their environment it increases their confusion, so they cant "hide" their problems so well. Also, you are now with her 24/7 and all of her problems will be laid bare. When you visited her at her home you were part of her routine and she still knew who you were, but now she is seeing you out of her context and cannot work out who you are.

 

[Nettie68]

Hullo and welcome to the forum, Jeanette. Sadly, that is not uncommon with Dementia and sometimes moving to a new environment can have an effect, though others will know more about that I. UTIs can also cause a sudden change, so it be worth investigating that with your mum's GP.
So hard for you to deal with the change in circumstances and the heartbreak of your mum not recognising you, but you will find support and understanding here.

Hello @Nettie68 - a warm welcome to DTP
@nae sporran has a good point about an infection have you registered your Mum with your GP? It may well be worth talking to them about your Mum..
sometimes my husband thought I was someone looking after him it’s difficult but I took the view so long as he wasn’t distressed he would be ok
now you have found the forum I hope you will continue to post

Thankyou and yes i have spoken to Gp etc but alas no infection i guess its just the horrible disease getting it grips on my mum ! I have good and bad days with her as you will all understand on here . At present i am still working but not sure if i should carry on as my mum is presenting us with new challenges or should i get a carer in ? Any advice would be great .
Many thanks ?

 

[nae sporran]

@Nettie68 ]
Thankyou and yes i have spoken to Gp etc but alas no infection i guess its just the horrible disease getting it grips on my mum ! I have good and bad days with her as you will all understand on here . At present i am still working but not sure if i should carry on as my mum is presenting us with new challenges or should i get a carer in ? Any advice would be great .
Many thanks ?

If you can get carers in privately or through a care needs assessment from your local social services, then I would recommend it. My partner has care twice a day and it takes a lot of the stress away. They have also been hlepful with suggestions about meds.

 

[nellbelles]

@Nettie68 - just a prompt have you got LPA?
and have You applied for AA which if you do give up work would let you access carers allowance ?

 

[Nettie68]

Hi,
Yes i have LPA and my mum gets AA .
I know about carers allowance but worried how i would survive on it ?

 

[canary]

@Nettie68 ]
I know about carers allowance but worried how i would survive on it

yes, its not a lot is it? I have carers allowance, but I was able to take early retirement, so Im alright, but if that was all I had I think I would be eligible for means tested benefit too.

 

[JGDMG]

Thankyou and yes i have spoken to Gp etc but alas no infection i guess its just the horrible disease getting it grips on my mum ! I have good and bad days with her as you will all understand on here . At present i am still working but not sure if i should carry on as my mum is presenting us with new challenges or should i get a carer in ? Any advice would be great .
Many thanks ?

Hi I’m new here so forgive any errors! I would think twice about giving up your job. Although you are doing it from a position of love and caring, you lose a lot more than your job, in my experience. I did the same thing a few years ago and became totally consumed with my mother and her care needs. It’s a personal choice of course but I wonder if you could reduce your work hours rather than give up completely. Independence for yourself and maintaining your identity is so important, and also for your mother I think who at whatever level of understanding she has, may come to appreciate that remaining yourself is vital

 

[Cat27]

Welcome to DTP @JGDMG
You‘ll get lots of support here If you keep posting.

 

[Nettie68]

Hi I’m new here so forgive any errors! I would think twice about giving up your job. Although you are doing it from a position of love and caring, you lose a lot more than your job, in my experience. I did the same thing a few years ago and became totally consumed with my mother and her care needs. It’s a personal choice of course but I wonder if you could reduce your work hours rather than give up completely. Independence for yourself and maintaining your identity is so important, and also for your mother I think who at whatever level of understanding she has, may come to appreciate that remaining yourself is vital

Hi,
Thankyou for your advice im also quite new on here so sorry for late reply.
I am going to reduce my hours and get some kind of support with my mums care hopefully after lockdown ! Im 51 and really can't afford to give up work and im lucky to have a job i enjoy and even though i feel guilty i don't feel being with my mum 24/7 will be good for her or myself ( even though she has forgotten who i am )
I guess im just worried about how my mum will be but i guess its probably me with the problem !
Thanks

 

[JGDMG]

@Nettie68
Hi,
Thankyou for your advice im also quite new on here so sorry for late reply.
I am going to reduce my hours and get some kind of support with my mums care hopefully after lockdown ! Im 51 and really can't afford to give up work and im lucky to have a job i enjoy and even though i feel guilty i don't feel being with my mum 24/7 will be good for her or myself ( even though she has forgotten who i am )
I guess im just worried about how my mum will be but i guess its probably me with the problem !
Thanks

I think the dementia is the problem, not you. A job you enjoy is worth its weight, hopefully you will be able to work out whats best for you, as well as mum

 

[Nettie68]

Hi
My mum has been with me since just before lockdown and apart from being very confused and not knowing who i am anymore she has started getting dressed and waking me and my husband up at night expecting me to take her out.
My mum seems to now lost all sense of time as this is new to me is there any advice on what i should do ? Can you get medication to help with sleep i feel guilty as i don't want to drug her up but we also need our sleep . I am feeling a bit overwelmed with everything as things are changing so quickly and i don't want to let my mum down .
Thanks

 

[nae sporran]

Sorry @Nettie68, I am not sure if medication for sleep is good, you would really have to discuss that with your mum's GP. She may be feeling anxious and a bit lost, Dementia can certainly do that to people. Others will have better ideas on what medication works for that, but again speaking to your mum's GP would be a good step, and as always with a change in behaviour it is best to rule out a UTI if you have not already done so.

 

[lemonbalm]

Hi
My mum has been with me since just before lockdown and apart from being very confused and not knowing who i am anymore she has started getting dressed and waking me and my husband up at night expecting me to take her out.
My mum seems to now lost all sense of time as this is new to me is there any advice on what i should do ? Can you get medication to help with sleep i feel guilty as i don't want to drug her up but we also need our sleep . I am feeling a bit overwelmed with everything as things are changing so quickly and i don't want to let my mum down .
Thanks

Hi @Nettie68 . Time becomes distorted for many people with dementia. It is possible that your mum is anxious and her GP may be able to prescribe something like a low dose Mirtazapine, which may help. They should rule out any physical causes first, such as UTIs, as @nae sporran has mentioned (so often the cause of increased confusion!) and constipation. Have you checked that the room your mum is sleeping in is comfortable and not letting too much light in early in the morning? Perhaps leaving a snack and drink by the bed in case she is hungry might be worth a try. I'm afraid a lot of this will be guesswork at first but hopefully you will work it out as you go along with some help from the forum! Something comforting like a teddy bear in the bed may even be worth a try (yes, I know it sounds daft but my mum loves to cuddle a toy sheep these days, which she would never have done a few years ago!)

 

[Nettie68]

Hi @Nettie68 . Time becomes distorted for many people with dementia. It is possible that your mum is anxious and her GP may be able to prescribe something like a low dose Mirtazapine, which may help. They should rule out any physical causes first, such as UTIs, as @nae sporran has mentioned (so often the cause of increased confusion!) and constipation. Have you checked that the room your mum is sleeping in is comfortable and not letting too much light in early in the morning? Perhaps leaving a snack and drink by the bed in case she is hungry might be worth a try. I'm afraid a lot of this will be guesswork at first but hopefully you will work it out as you go along with some help from the forum! Something comforting like a teddy bear in the bed may even be worth a try (yes, I know it sounds daft but my mum loves to cuddle a toy sheep these days, which she would never have done a few years ago!)

Hi
Thankyou all for your help i am still learning but my mum seems a lot more settled than what she was , im realising every day is going to be different good and bad !!!

 

[LHS]

There comes a point where you just have to start getting some form of care in, even if it is only to be able to give yourself a break!